My life is a miracle
Wow. Is it February already? What happened to January? Where did it go?
I am so excited about Valentines Day! I finally have a date! I’m taking my sons out to dinner. I’m so happy to be here with them. I’m so happy to be able to do fun things with them.
I’m watching Extreme Homemakeover. Every week I cry and cry when they shout, “MOVE THAT BUS!” I’m still fantasizing about one day having a beautiful home like they do. I thank God that I won’t have to go through tragedy to get one, I just have to trust and move faithfully toward my goals.
My dreams have changed a bit. No longer do I feel like I need to be this superstar journalist although I do want to make a difference in people’s live through my writing. I really just want to..be successful at being a Mom.
I’m making all of these changes and I’m trying new avenues that I’ve never considered before. We’ll see what becomes of it all.
It’s through my own self discovery that I find solutions to common issues and I write about it all with honesty, or at least I try to. It’s funny that these days, my writing is mostly relationship based. But really, that’s nothing new. I guess all of my writing is like that.
I’m writing for a new website now, contributing articles about healing relationships, which is exactly what I’m learning about in grad school and exactly what I hope to experience in my own life. My biggest desire is for my relationship between my son’s father and I to be one of mutual respect and trust.
Speaking of relationships…most of my friends seem to be enjoying theirs. Tamara is moving forward with her “friend” but they are both feeling the strain of their long distance relationship. The last we spoke about it, he was planning to move to ATL this coming summer to be closer to her. I wonder what’s going to happen with that.
She said the most beautiful thing the other night. She told me that in her last relationship she felt like his preferences for her weren’t what she would have preferred for herself but she liked to make him happy so she went along with his suggestions. In this relationship, his preferences for her are exactly what she wants for herself. “It’s a relief that who I am and want to become is alright with him,” she said.
Kim said something similar just today. “I think I lost myself in my last relationship,” she told me. “I was so wrapped up in catering to him and his personality that I never really was myself. With my boyfriend, it’s like he’s pulling me out of my shell and I’m not afraid to express myself and be who I am.”
It’s wild to see Kim like this because she was hung up on her ex for YEARS. Even most of her friends thought that she was moving to Chicago to try to get back with him. But when she got there, she met this man that she is now with. She really didn’t like him at first. She used to dogg him out all the time and I remember her saying that he kept telling her, “I am going to have you. You are going to be mine.”
Funny how he was right.
I have absolutely no desire to be in a relationship with anyone right now. Sometimes when I hear my friends talk about their relationships I think about it but the thought doesn’t linger for long. My strongest desire is to become a full-time, successful Mom again. I know I can do it.
It’s all about…keeping it moving.
I decided that I’ll try an experiment for this month. Each day I’ll try to pinpoint a reason to be proud of myself. I actually wanted to do this in January, but the shock of being back in school and the depression that followed caused me to lose sight of my goal.
Sooo…
Today I am proud of myself because I am encouraging to everyone in my life. People feel free to discuss really intimate details of their lives with me because they know that I don’t judge them and I won’t try to change them, I accept them exactly as they are.