I’m Lovin It

I didn’t sleep at all on Sunday night.

Because I didn’t have an internet connect at my apartment yet I found myself at my office until after 1am, preparing for my early morning interview.

I was hella nervous but I encouraged myself by saying that whatever I produce is a product of me so just like I could never be ashamed of my children, I should never be ashamed of doing my best work.

When I went home I laid out on the floor and tossed and turned all night. I prayed and prayed that things would turn out right. The perfectionist in me wanted to blow people’s minds with my interview. I wanted to shine!

When I saw that it was 5am, I said, “Fuck it, I may as well get dressed.”

So I took my time taking a nice long bath and then lotioned myself down and meticulously applied my makeup.

“Damn I look good,” I thought as I took a full turn in the mirror. My designerjeans fit just right, the top I wore was one of my favorites from wayyyy back and my heels accented them just nicely. I pulled on one of my favorite sweaters that I bought for $10 from the shoe store. I remember when I bought that sweater the sales lady wrinkled her nose and asked, “Do you actually LIKE this?”

I shook my head at her. Only a true diva would know that this sweater was hot shit and I only wear it when I want to look extra fly.

I drove down to my office building and rode the elevator up to my office to sit and meditate for a few minutes. When I saw that it was after 6am, I went down to the studio and one of the production men let me in.

He showed me the sound booth where my interview would take place but since I was about an hour and a half early, he told me that I could go into the studio where the RADIO MAN was brodcasting his show and sit and listen.

“Are you kidding me?”

“No, he’s cool. Just sit down in one of those chairs. He doesn’t mind. Just be quiet.”

So I snuck in and sat down. My heart was beating so fast. I texted Anna and told her to tune into the show because I was sitting right there with everyone.

After a little while, the Radio Man called out my name, “Ms. Tee, I’m sure you can’t hear from over there. Come on over and put on some headphones so you can listen in.”

I almost died.

He knows my name!

I walked over to the center desk and sat down next to Ms. S. She smiled at me and continued talking to the other radio personalities.

I thought I was going to faint.

“I’m not ready for all of this!” I thought. “I may just die right now on the spot.”

Everyone was acting all cool about it. I guess for them this is everyday life but for me this is a dream come true.

As I laughed at the jokes being made and texted Anna with inside jokes I noticed a figure standing at the door. I gulped and took a swig of my Gatorade. He’s here.

He walked in confidently looking just like he does on TV.

He came over and introduced himself to everyone, including me and I smiled and shook his hand confidently.

As the Radio Man gave away the money for the cash call and commenced to asking him questions I bolted from the room and to the bathroom because I had to pee so bad and I wanted to be waiting for him in the sound booth.

By the time I got back to the booth he was already inside recording “drops”. That is when he does promotional lines for the show like, “Hi this is _______, with the RADIO MAN morning show wishing you a Merry Christmas.

I held my breath and walked in and stood by while he finished. He started to get up when I said, “Do you have a few minutes for a quick interview with THE WEBSITE?”

He looked rushed.

“Ok, I’ll give you 3 minutes.”

I didn’t want to waste them by doing my intro or outro so I just dove right into the questions. I must admit, he didn’t seem GAY like everyone says he is. He was just…petite. I wanted to play patty cake with him. He’s skinnier than I am and maybe a little taller.

INSIDE THE LISTENING ROOM with JOHN LEGEND

After it was done I beat myself up about what I asked and what I didn’t ask, what I sounded like and how I could have done better.

I had to calm down so I called Anna and told her about the one WILD question I asked him. She laughed so loudly! “Girl, he’s always gonna remember you for asking that,” she said.

I just remember him kind of rolling his eyes when I asked, “So…who’s more talented, you or Kanye?”

I wanted to know what he thought so I asked him. Why was that wrong?

After all of that I went upstairs to my office and I tried to do some work. Ruby called me to see how the interview went and I told her that I was uneasy about it.

“Girl, you have sowed seeds for all of these years for this. You have started websites, run your own podcasts, worked at a whole bunch of places, sacrificed and believed in faith! Your ass moved to muthafuckin HOUSTON with nothing just so you can make it. There’s no WAY you can fail. Whatever you did or said will be just right because you have invested too much into your dream. It won’t be denied! I’m sure it is great!”

I felt relieved after hearing that. She’s right. There’s no way that I can fall when I have put so much on the line and dared to step outside of my comfort zone to push it to the limit and accomplish my dreams. I have cried so many nights, slept in my car, been kicked out of so many places, had to drink WATER to fill my belly sometimes all with the faith that I will be able to give my gifts and be appreciated and compensated for them. I’ve lost FRIENDS over this shit!

I can’t lose.

By the Monday morning Programming meeting I thought I woud faint from lack of sleep and lack of food. My head was throbbing and my eyes were hurting. I was doing everything I could to seem normal and pay attention. I was completely overwhelmed by my good fortune.

The Radio Man joined us again and as I sat there amidst all of these brilliant minds hashing out ideas I looked out over the Dallas skyline and blanked out.

What am I doing here?

How did I get here?

Am I really sitting here with the Radio Man? Does he really like my work? How did I get here? How come all of my dreams are coming true? Can I handle all of this? Am I good enough to make this last?

To make matter worse, The Prez was there looking oh so fine in a powder blue button down shirt. Everytime he asks someone a question he takes notes and I just love to see him writing. Yeah..I know that sounds corny but I love to watch him write. Man..I’m weird.

I couldn’t bring myself to look at him so the entire meeting I looked at my hands and the occasional text message from my Director with instructions on things to say or ask.

The meeting finally ended and I made my way back to my office and somehow…finished out the whole day without fainting.

When I got home I took a shower, popped some tylenol to combat the pain from my obviously infected tooth and I slept… and slept…and slept…

And slept….

Am I really on my way to achieving all that I ever hoped for?

It sure feels like it.

Please God help me to believe that I deserve to experience the realization of every one of my dreams. I know they will come true, I just can’t believe that I deserve it. I want to believe but it’s hard. Thank you so much for my friends who encourage me and remind me of how special I am.

Help me to bring honor to your name despite not being all “churchy” and acting like I have all the answers all the time. I know I’m so different from all of your other ministers but I feel like my life is a ministry too.

Use my life to glorify You. Keep my heat pure and allow me to continue to do good work for this company because I am loving every minute of it.