After eating our pizza, we went over to a bar on Biscayne and had two glasses of wine each. We giggled our way back to his side of town, laughing about random stories from our childhood, particularly our dating disasters.
I parked when we got back to his building. “Let’s go across the street,” he suggested and he led across a park and to a bench overlooking the water.
“I hope it doesn’t rain,” he said and looked down at me.
“If you BELIEVE it won’t rain, then it won’t,” I said and grinned.
“Ahh, here you go with the law of attraction stuff again. Some people say that SECRET stuff is really a SECRET cult!”
“Boy please! It’s not a cult, it’s just a new way of thinking. It really changes your life because it helps you to direct your thoughts toward positive things. I’ve been practicing and..I’m telling you, I’m living a better life because of it.”
“So you get more stuff?” he asked me.
“No, I don’t get more stuff. Really, it’s like it freed me from thinking of myself as a victim of my circumstances. If we can conciously choose our thoughts and see the emotions behind those thoughts produce more circumstances that are aligned with those emotions, then I can’t blame anyone for my fears coming true. No one has control over my emotions and thoughts but me. I used to be such a victim, feeling like everyone was out to get me. And they WERE, cuz in my mind they were. Now I feel like the people I meet will love me..or I try to feel that way most of the time.”
We talked well into the night which surprised me because well..I’m not used to that. By the time we caught the hour, it was almost 4am.
I told him I had to go and he walked me to my car.
“Are you okay to drive?” he asked.
“Yeah, I’m good.”
“Will I see you later today?”
“Um…on the late night, I have class tonight and all day I’m busy looking for jobs, writing articles, blah, blah…”
“You gonna give me a hug?” he asks softly.
I roll my eyes. “You asking for a lot,” I joke and step towards him.
“You’re a cool kid,” he says and pats my hat.
“I’m full grown.”
“Almost. You’re not 30 yet.”
Over the next 3 weeks, we talk every day. We develop a habit of calling each other in the morning to say goodmorning and in the evening to discuss our day. Sometimes we stay up until 4am just talking about dumb stuff like his interest in comic books and superheroes.
“Bat Man was the BEST superhero ever!” he told me.
“How come? Why not Superman?”
“Because Superman was BORN Superman,” he explained. “He came to earth with his cape and Superman outfit. He was born to be a Superhero. But Bat Man..man..any of us could be Bat Man. He chooses to be a Superhero. And think about it…He lives in Gotham city and that’s the most crime filled city in the world. But he lives there and he fights crime and he’s never gonna rid the city of crime but he fights anyway. How many people do you know would fight a battle when you know you couldn’t win?”
Sometimes after we’ve talked and have to force ourselves to hang up the phone, I lie awake and think of him, replaying our conversations in my mind.
Sometimes it makes me tear up because for once a man in my life isn’t trying to figure out how my talent could benefit him, or even trying to control me or tell me what I need to improve. It’s like he doesn’t want anything from me but friendship.
And I’ve noticed that he doesn’t tell me what he thinks about a particular area of my life. He’ll ask me to give him more info before he makes a comment and even then he never just offers his opinion unless I ask. I like that.
I don’t have to be superstrong, superstar Ms. Tee with him. He’s cool with the insecure side of me too. He offers assurance that everything is divine and God led and He even helps me to understand my BBDD’s side of the story by putting the situations I tell him about in the best possible terms.
I think he’d make a good therapist. When I mentioned that to him, he said his Mom told him that once but..he wasn’t really interested in doing it professionally.
Truth be told, he reminds me of JB. I can say anything to him. We can talk about my sexual history, my fears, my spiritual path and it’s like..he sees me as some shining star.
He never labels me like the others did. No “You’re selfish” or “You’re obsessive” or “You lack the capacity for growth”.
One night I asked him if there was anything about me that he thought I should change and he said, “Tee, how can I judge you for having a past or being who you are? If you’re passionate about something then you’re passionate. If you’re into sex then as long as you’re doing it because that’s what you want to do then, you’re an adult, you can do that. I’m not your judge. I don’t want to be that in your life. I just want to enjoy being with you because just thinking of you excites me.”
He says he doesn’t have a girlfriend or isn’t dating anyone but in the back of my mind I wish he was. Someone whose spirit is this sweet should be getting some head on the regular.
When I told him that he cracked up. “You volunteering?”
“I’m serious,” I told him. “I hope my sons grow up to treat women like you treat me.”
“Tee, that means the world to me. I know how much you want them to be good men.”
“I really do. I believe they will be,” I whispered intp the phone. “Even when other people question the way that I teach them, you know, letting them tell me anything without being mad at them for it, or not spanking them or how I show them lots of affection, in my heart, I don’t feel like I’m doing the wrong thing. So I don’t care what people say. All I’m really trying to do is treat them the way I wish I had been treated when I was growing up.”
“You’re doing fine,” he assured me. “Your boys are going to love you forever. Tee, this is just one season of your life and it’s already getting better cuz look..you met me.”
“Haha..You’re conceited, You gotta reason too!”
“I know you like me,” he commented. “Why don’t you tell me.”
“I like you as a friend,” I offered hesitantly.
“So you don’t want to be my lady?”
“Umm..lemme call you back.” I hang up quickly and dial 404— —-. I need to talk to Tamara.
“Prince! Steve is tripping. He’s getting all crazy on the phone!”
“Calm down Tee,” Prince says and yawns. “What did he say?”
I recounted the conversation to her and she laughed. “Tee, he was just asking. He wasn’t ASKING. You know what I mean?”
“Ohh. Cuz it scared me.”
“Girl, you are a trip. And anyway, if he did ask, why are you so scared? You already like him and he’s nice to you. Tee, remember what I told you, sometimes in order to get over a fear, you have to face it.”
“Shut up Prince. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
I call Steve back and he answers on the first ring.
“What happened? You got scared by my question and had to call one of your homegirls? Probably Tamara, huh?”
Uhhh…”Whatever. I had to go to the bathroom,” I lie.
“You’re lieing,” he says flatly.
“Leave me alone,” I say.
“You’re a trip,” he says and laughs. I’ll be down there tomorrow so be ready to meet up with me by 7.”
“Damn…Is that how you think it goes? You runnin thangs now?” I laugh.
“Be ready by 7. We’re going to my brother’s house for dinner.”
“WHAT?!”
“You heard me.”
“Steve???”
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow when I see you. I’m tired. I have to go. Goodnight.”
Ohhhhh shit!