My life is a miracle.
It’s funny that a couple of years ago I could think of nothing but having the chance to give my gift of writing and inspiration on a professional level. I knew I had it in me, I just needed the chance. I guess I manifested that chance when I lost my job and had to seek employment in another city.
Through losing my job, I also had to leave my kids behind with their Dad or else be a bigger burden on my friend. I found jobs that I loved. I worked them hard. I don’t have them anymore.
I don’t have my children.
I don’t have those jobs.
I’m starting all over again with school.
It’s like I’m back at square one again with nothing to show for it but some increasingly bad credit. ~smile~
I wonder what that whole last year was about. What did I really gain from it? I guess I won’t know until it’s time though. I still do believe everything is divine and I’m trying so hard not to think that me moving to Atlanta was a mistake.
There are no mistakes. There are just decisions you have to make in life. The mistake would be allowing someone else to make the decision for you. When you do that, your happiness or dissatisfaction can and will be blamed on someone else.
I guess I’m feeling so nervous about this new beginning. I’m scared even though millions of people go to grad school. I just…was never good at college the first time. I don’t want to mess up, these loans are SERIOUS. I’ve never been this nervous before. I need to chill out though, it’s just LEARNING. I’m not dumb.
What do I want to happen?
I want to surprise and delight myself by making A’s in my 3 classes. Yes, I’m going full-time. All of my classes are in the evening and I’ll have my entire day free to work a full-time job.
I want my full-time job to be as an editor of an online or print magazine. I want complete creative freedom to plan themed features, assign stories and pay writers. I want to turn this publication into something that readers devour with every issue. I want to inspire. I want to inform. I want to entertain a little. Most of all I want to give new writers a chance to get their clips and grow.
I’d like this position to be salaried, full-time and a WORK-FROM-HOME job. Sure, an office would be nice to have. I’d like that, but I’d like the option to work from home most days.
This way, I’d be able to stay home with my sons when they are out of school and still be able to work. I’d also be able to have dinner ready for them when they get home and I can call the babysitter over while I’m in class those three nights a week.
I know I can handle this lifestyle. I really want it.
Come on Universe/God/Creator.
I leave this request in your capable hands and I thank you for delivering me the perfect circumstances to achieve my life’s purpose. If for some reason, my sons aren’t supposed to be living with me, then please give me peace with that because I miss them so much and it doesn’t feel right being here and not being able to be with them when I want to. I do appreciate their Daddy for taking such good care of them.
I want my kids back. I want to iron their clothes and fix them food and put them to bed. I want to drop them off to school in the morning. I miss that. I handled it before. I did it by myself when I was in college. I did it by myself when I had no babysitters and no BBDD to come and take up the slack. No child support. I know I can do this.
So I ask…
Believe…
Relax…
Allow…
Rejoice…
Hopefully…