“You are not that important,” I remember her saying.
It was my first semester of grad school and I was taking Human Development. My professor was trying to let us know that the success of the client does not depend on us. We should not carry the burden on our shoulders or beat ourselves up if the client does not wish to continue sessions.
You are not that important.
I’ve come to believe this is true. I’ve seen it time and time again at jobs I’ve had where I’ve given 110% believing that my efforts were making a significant contribution but really, after I’m gone, the company still prospers.
You are not that important.
I’m not. Anyone who has met me may smile and say she made me laugh but the reality is, they do not need my presence in their lives. Just like with Will, who died earlier this year, everyone is still rhyming, performing, laughing, having sex, moving forward.
I am not that important. In anyone’s life. And when it comes down to my success or happiness versus theirs they sure won’t choose mine.
I am not that important. Take the weight off my shoulders for thinking that my efforts would make such a huge difference in the world or that my existence will make an impact on someone’s life in a profound way.
I am not that important. Except to my sons. I honestly feel like they benefit from knowing me and I see how my personality helps shape theirs and I am proud.
Still, I am not that important. Love me for a minute. Laugh with me. Touch me. Yet, you can walk away and I can be that memory that makes you smile in your sleep.
I am not that important. Everyone’s life will go on once I’m gone. To Timbuktoo or Uruba or Hades or wherever they sent naughty girls who dare to make their own rules.
I am not that important. In anyone’s life.
So I float. I get high on the knowledge that whether I’m there, here or near, you can still smile. So when I walk away or you do, we still smile and we still love and we still live our very best lives.
Cuz I am not that important, and one day you will forget me.
I’m okay with that.
~poof~