The Greatest Gift

I’m okay.

In fact, I’m better than okay. I’m off of antibiotics for my kidney infection so I’m hoping that the side effects will go away soon. I’ve been very tired and irritable and I’ve managed to deal with my sons well even though I feel like I’m too weak to move most days. I’ve lost a lot of weight due to the chronic diarrhea, cha cha cha. I look like a cracked out version of myself.

But that’s okay too.

Today I received a call from my friend Kim’s grandmother. She called just to check up on me since she heard I was sick. She told me how much she loves me and is so glad that I’m friends with her granddaughter because she thinks that I am a positive influence on her and after all the years of knowing all of her friends she believes that I am the best one.

I was speechless. How do you respond to something like that?

Kim and I have one major thing in common, we both like to talk. But Kim has been there for me more times than I would care to mention. I rarely have anything to give her except for a strong word to calm her when she’s being emotional. When she calls me tonight I’m going to really make fun of her, “Dude, your gramma called me today telling me you’re in love with me. I told you I wasn’t interested in you like that. Never will be. You’re too ugly for me.”

She’ll laugh and I’ll laugh and we’ll ease on to another subject but the fact remains we are like family. So many women never experience the sisterhood of friendship and some experience it in a very superficial way because they won’t allow themselves to get too DEEP with another woman out of fear or insecurity or baggage from past relationships.

I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have my friends. These chicks work hard and their accomplishments make me believe that I can do anything. I tell myself often that if a man can’t treat me like my friends do, then he isn’t worth having.

In a way, it’s as if Kim and I are in a long term relationship sans the secks. We speak to each other first thing in the morning. We email during the day and call or chat at night. We never make decisions without consulting each other and we trust that the opinion given will be of our best interest with no hidden agendas or secret sabotage attempts.

We pray on the phone together and share scriptures to affirm our beliefs that God will have His way in our lives. We both want to be philanthropists and activists and we have a heart for helping women grow and learn to love themselves and others.

And she’s not the only friend who loves me like that. I am so grateful that God would give me good friends. I’m so grateful that although I am sick right now I am not battling much worse ailments.

I weep for Juli and her son Curtis who is having problems with his kidney. I feel guilty because I complain and I cry about not having my dream career yet both of my sons are healthy and happy. I am healthy and maintaining through this storm. Imagine if we lived in another country, any country, say one of the countries in the middle east. Imagine what life would be like for us. My biggest concern wouldn’t be which magazine or publishing house rejected me. It would be wondering if we would live another day.

I wouldn’t care about some man who left me years ago if I was in Africa, I would be trying to keep my family alive.

As much shit as we talk about living in America and how messed up Bush is and how he is ruining the country, Bush is just the figurehead. Blaming him is like blaming Barbie for the sad, superficial ideal of beauty she has placed on women in America. There are silent powers at work with money and a master plan.

We are blessed to live in this country. We are blessed to have the freedom to speak out against our leaders. We are blessed to “suffer” like we do, complaining in unemployment lines as we receive our welfare. Things could be so much worse.

I realized today that although my bank account is on ‘E’, my gas tank reads the same and no man has ever shown me the same love and devotion that I have shown them, I am so rich.

I am rich because my two sons call me Mama and fight over who gets to sit in my lap everyday. There are women out there who pray nightly for a chance to conceive.

I am rich because I have already overcome obstacles that seemed impossible. There are women out there who have given up.

I am rich because I am surrounded by great women (and a couple of men) who believe in me and won’t allow me to forget my dreams.

I am so rich.

ANd I love you Lord.

This life you have given me, although riddled with potholes and potty breaks has been one helluva journey so far but you’ve gotten me this far and I know you won’t desert me.

THANK YOU LORD!

THANK YOU LORD!

I never pretend to be perfect or to have all the answers or all the advice. I’m just growing, you know. And I stay hopeful. And I try to put out the same energy that I want to receive. And I laugh with the same gusto in which I cry and I hope with the force of hurricane winds.

I am alive dammit.

I am alive.

For that I’m grateful and I am thankful to God for taking the time to breathe the breath of life into my lungs 27 years ago. He didn’t have to. He didn’t have to wake me up this morning. But He chose to and I am gonna spend every day thanking Him even when I feel like I don’t deserve it.

Like I said in the beginning, I am okay.

No matter what is going on in your life.

YOU ARE OKAY TOO.

Be grateful to Him who supplies all of your needs according to His riches and glory.

Your life is a gift. Don’t take it for granted.