Posted on by TPatterson

Flashbacks

I had a beautiful day today. After my luscious nap I actually turned on my TV and watched a movie.

When I got hungry I went into the kitchen and pulled out my box of pancake mix. As I mixed the batter in a cup and heard the soft hiss of the oil in the pan as it warmed up I had a flashback.

Me…Standing in front of the stove at the hostel, making pancakes for breakfast. Making pancakes for lunch. Making pancakes for dinner. So many pancakes. So many pancakes.

So little money. Trying to stretch it.

Drinking water.

Holding on.

Sitting outside. Praying. Praising.

Keeping quiet. Not wanting to disrupt. Never wanting to disturb. Always polite.

Wishing for a home. Hoping for an address one day.
Talking on the phone with my friends. Receiving their love. Dancing to R. Kelly’s ‘I Believe I can Fly’.
Sitting outside by the lake, praying and thanking God for protecting me and guiding me here.
And then my flashback stops.

And I look around.

I’m in my own kitchen.

I have my own kitchen.

I have a place to live. I checked my own mail yesterday.

I got my insurance card. I can go to the doctor.

I have a room. Nothing is in it yet. But I have a room. I have a living room. I have an internet connection.

No one has the key but me.

God gave me a place to live. I don’t have to leave.

I don’t have to leave. I don’t have to wish anymore. This is a reality.

I have my own place to live. And I’m living here. And I sleep here. And I have my own key. And I’m not living in the hostel anymore. And I’m not sleeping in my car anymore. No one can kick me out. No one can try to use me as their playtoy. And I’m so grateful.

I’m so grateful.

I have an address now.

It’s my own address.

And I don’t care if I have to sleep on the floor because it’s my floor.

I have an address now.

There’s a place that I call home.

And it’s only going to get better.

I am so grateful to you God.