I hope you’re not over there praying and fasting for my sanity.
The truth is- I am a DRAMA QUEEN! This means that whatever I do, I do it to the HILT! I put extra emotion and energy into and I’m extremely obsessive so whether it’s a new toy, social network, philosophy or boyfriend when I’m into it I’m WAYYYY into it- until I get bored and I find something else to obsess over.
Right now I’m still recovering from that traumatic project where I became homeless.on.purpose- that shit REALLY messed my head up being around so many people who had given up on everything and it made me realize that even if you give up on everything you can still have random moments of pleasure and happiness.
That’s where I am now. I’m not giving up on everything but nothing is THAT important for me to be miserable over so I take things extremely lightly including the concepts of death, abandonment and possibly walking this entire life journey as a single woman.
None of these concepts seems as devastating as they once did and it feels good to have embraced what good might come from the fear that used to devastate my heart the most.
I’m okay. Next week I might discover a new philosophy and dive into trying it out or not. Who knows? Whatever it is, I’ll be writing about it as though I am living the ultimate truth even though I don’t BELIEVE in an ultimate truth. As an existentialist, I am pretty certain that we all decide our truths and I’ll keep sampling different versions of truth until I find one that brings me the most joy!
So right now ~bowing to the floor~ I AM NOTHING.
Nothing matters.
Death is imminent and should not be feared.
Life is a series of ups and downs and you can’t be TOO SMUG during the ups or too sad during the downs because eventually, something will change.
Cheers!