I’m feeling so emotional today. My focus is all wrong. Most days I can breeze on by because I know how to choose happiness over sadness and gratitude over despair. It really is a choice that determines the satisfaction of your life.
But today… I’ve been pretty sad. I’ve been focused on my past and wondering how they say what you give is what you will receive. Ok. I HEAR that and honestly, I’ve always been taken care of by God but…
I remember when I met my BBDD, Salisu A. Richardson. I didn’t think he was remotely attractive and I damn sure didn’t want to be with him. But honestly, after getting to know him and finding out that he had never had a girlfriend yet he was graduating from college, that made me sad. I told myself that I would be the one to be nice to him. I wanted to show him what it was like to be loved. So I loved him. I loved him more than I loved myself. I thought that was what love meant back then.
And he showed me…how much hatred could build up and how nasty a person could be to someone. Until I met his current girlfriend, I had never even encountered another person who was as nasty as he was. That is still truly shocking to me. You mean, you will intentionally say or do something to hurt someone’s feelings? You’re TRYING to hurt someone? Wow. They are truly a match made on Soap Opera heaven. The way they deal with me seems like some shit you’ll see on TV.
But it really bothers me, not that they do it. But really because I don’t bother anybody. I don’t start shit with people. So to be in some bullshit is unfathomable to me since It’s not some shit that would even cross my mind. That’s not what I GIVE. Never has been.
Ahh..I wish them luck in love. I hope they have 6 kids and never break up and have to look at each other for the rest of their days.
As for me…I truly wish, for myself, that I would receive the exact measure of the spirit of what I have been giving for my entire life. I welcome that, cuz I know my heart.