Oh gosh…
Me and my emotions…
I was feeling good all day until I went to class.
When the teacher said, “Turn to chapter 8, today we will be discussing committed relationships and dating.” my eyes started to tear.
After about an hour of listening to people tell stories of their courtships and how their relationships began, I couldn’t take it anymore. Tears were streaming down my cheeks and I couldn’t calm myself down so I left. I walked back to my car and sat down and I cried and cried.
I don’t know why I decided to get a masters in Relationship Counseling. How in the hell did I end up here? I have no personal experience. I don’t date anyone at all. All I do is have one night stands and then move on. I don’t know what it’s like to meet someone and like them and have them like me back. I have no idea what that feeling is when you are attracted to someone and they tell you that they want to be with you in a relationship.
I try to remember from what I had with my BBDD but that shit was all fucked up so…I don’t like to think about that.
This shit is taking a toll on me. I’m always the outsider in class discussions, bringing a detached viewpoint of relationships.
I don’t know what to say.
I have nothing to say.
All I know is..having to talk about this stuff, it really reminds me that I’ve never had that and I can’t imagine that I ever will. Sure, I try to write stories about Steve, my imaginary boyfriend, but those are even hard to come up with because I have nothing personal to pull from.
Man…