Conversations With Friends
I spoke to Marsha last night.
I wanted to wait until she got back from Vegas before I called her and released the angst from my heart. She answered on the 3rd ring.
“Hello Mama!” she greeted me excitedly.
“Do you have time to talk?”
“Yeah Mama, what’s up?”
I sighed dramatically and began my child-like whine. “Marsha. I don’t know what’s going on between us but my heart is hurting. Ever since I left Miami in April I felt like something is wrong with our relationship, like you don’t love me anymore. I’m trying to figure out what it is but I can’t. And even last week when we were in California, our interaction was crazy. I was looking forward to that trip because I knew I would see you and you would give me all the love and hugs I needed but you kept SCREAMING at me about my choices in my walk with God and it hurt me so much. I don’t know what to do.”
“Awww Tee. If I was screaming at you I’m sorry but I will always love my Tee! It’s just that I’m so in love with God and I see how he’s blessed my life through my obedience and I want you to have the same thing. I know you are seeking and I was there too at one point but Tee you have to understand that there are certain things God requires of us and one of them is tithing to a church. If you trust God in that way, He will supply all of your needs. I didn’t mean to be harsh with you, I just want you to be where I am. And the thing about the palm reader lady, girl..I understand that you are always down for having new experiences but those people are not of God and I wanted you to understand that.”
I sighed. “Girl…I think it’s the fact that maybe you don’t see where I am with God right now. Let me explain something to you. I am all alone almost ALL the time. I never have company. I don’t have friends. I am in a position where all I can do is trust God and get companionship from God. This is a very intimate time for God and me and for the first time EVER, I can actually say that I know when He is talking to me. I never thought I’d get to that point but He is really leading me every step of the way and I want you to TRUST that He is taking care of me. I remember you saying, ‘If you want God to bless you then you have to…’. Girl I don’t have to desire that because God is already blessing me. And I realize that my relationship with Him is very personal. The path that He has for me may never be like yours. I believe God is leading me to be a blessing to the people in the service industry and that is why I pour my money out to waiters and valet attendents. That’s where I feel like my money should be going and I believe God is okay with that because otherwise, he’d tell me to stop.”
“You know what it really is,” I continued then stopped. “It’s the fact that when you spoke to me so aggressively it reminded me of my Baby Daddy and how he used to talk to me. It reminded me of JB and how he talked to me too. It reminded me of the man at the hostel and how he yelled at me. I don’t like that. I don’t like aggression like that because it reminds me of how men treat me. And now since I don’t hang out with anyone but God, no one talks to me that way so it hurt even more to hear it coming from you, especially about a subject as personal as the way I worship God with my life. God doesn’t yell at me, He speaks to me in love. You should too, even when you believe I’m wrong.”
“Girl…I’m sorry. You know you’re my Tee and I will never, ever stop loving you.”
“What if I start worshipping the devil?”
“Tee! We’ll have problems then…”
“I’m glad we talked. Now I feel better and I know that you just want the best for me…Now what’s going on with you?”
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Kim called me this morning.
“Girl, we need to talk.”
“What?”
“Girl, it may be time for me to leave my friends house because…well…let me tell you what happened. Girl, I was just talking to her and I told her that I feel like it’s time to stop eating processed foods and girl she gave me the dirtiest look. It’s like she was mad at me because I am trying to take good care of my body. And it’s not like I’m trying to lose weight or anything. It’s just that I feel like my body is my temple and I want to take care of it.”
“That hoe HATIN! She is really upset that you hold yourself in such high regard and she’s mad that she doesn’t feel the same way about herself.”
“Girl, when she sees that I only drink Evian she gets so upset and rolls her eyes and starts talking about how she can’t afford to be so picky about what she eats.”
“SHE can’t afford? Shit…YOUR ass really can’t afford it because you ain’t got no job, driving around in a Beemer, drinking Evian! She needs to be asking you what you are doing to be living so lovely with no “natural” supply of income. She need to stop discouraging you and join you.”
“I know girl…”
“Hatin! Tell that hoe to get a life! I don’t like her. So…What’s processed food?”
“Girl, it’s any kind of food that is not completely fresh. You heard of Organic foods right?”
“Yeah…JB used to eat that stuff. But honestly Kim, this is weird that you bring this up but for a while now I’ve been having this strange feeling whenever I eat meat. It’s as though I can SEE the animal it came from when it’s on my plate. Ughh…But I don’t know what to do because I don’t like vegetables.”
“For real? Wow. God will lead you. He’ll show you what to do.”
“You know what? What’s funny is I remember JB telling me that I didn’t like vegetables because I didn’t have anyone to cook them for me with the right seasonings. And the other day when I was at that barbeque place girl..they had some corn that tasted like MEAT! After I ate it I went up to them and asked them what they put in it and the man smiled and told me they put bell peppers, onions and garlic in them. I was like DAYUMMM, they were GOOD!”
“Girl…I have a friend who weighs her food before she eats it.”
“What?!”
“Girl, yes she monitors her calorie intake too because she wants to control her weight.”
“Ya’ll hoes have too much time on ya’ll hand.”