Second Life is teaching me a lot about myself.
A lot of the parts I don’t want to admit to but I see them so clearly. When I meet men on SL, if we spend any time together, I’m immediately looking for reasons NOT to talk to them again. Even though it’s an avatar, I’m still sensitive, I still have feelings and I’m still afraid of meeting someone that I like who likes me too.
Yep, and it’s supposed to be just a virtual world.
The other day I asked a guyfriend what he thinks of my theory that Love feels like Fear. He said that the two emotions may be similar to me because I have a fear of love.
Hmmm..That makes sense.
I have also started writing for the virtual publications but it’s the exact same thing as writing for websites except I get paid in virtual money instead of real dollars. So I’ve learned to say NO to stories that I wouldn’t write in real life because I’m not getting paid for real and I am not going to waste my time doing some puff piece that won’t add to my portfolio. I had to tell one of the SL editors yesterday, “sorry, but I won’t write this piece.” I rarely ever say that to an editor because I’m just about to pull out of the freelancing stage where I have to accept every assignment that I get just to make some money.
Freelancing is no joke, ya’ll. It’s a nice side gig but as the main gig, it’s not what it seems like. Query letters? Please! Maybe that’s why I’m not in the major mags yet. I never write those. What I do is build a relationship with the editor and my pitches are so informal but they work.
Sometimes I wish I had never been introduced to SL. I have fun meeting people sometimes but it’s not much different than interacting in RL. People judge you by what you’re wearing, you form business partnerships, men want to have secks with you, you meet other women who gossip and back bite. Sometimes you say the wrong things or befriend people who mean you no good.
Then there’s rent to pay…shopping to do and an image to maintain when all you really want to do is wild out. Maybe I shouldn’t have joined SL to expand my journalism career, I think it would be a lot more fun if I could just have no responsibilities. In a way, I think I’m trying to make my Second Life…become the blueprint for my first one.
~sigh~