At the End of the Day

I told a lie the other day.

I kinda knew that I was about to lie before I even went in there.

I can’t stop thinking about it.

Several times a day it crosses my mind. Will I get caught? Will it ruin my life? What will my kids say if they knew? How can I despise liars, yet go ahead and lie myself? What kind of a hypocrite am I?

I hate liars. I hate people who feel like they have to make stuff up for people to like them. Come on, people peg me as having EXTREMELY low self esteem and even I don’t lie about who I am.

My heart simply wants to be right. My soul simply longs to be righteous. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t ever want anyone to feel bad about themselves when they are around me.

I can always tell the bad hearts. I can sense it from a mile away. I get this aching feeling when I’m around someonw with a bad heart. Even though they seem to be so sweet and so happy and so strong, for some reason, I can tell. There’s a motive behind their smile. There’s a falseness behind their joy.

I can even tell when I’m reading some blogs. Some people make themselves out to be so smart, so together, so HOT, when they’re not. You can tell just by reading their words. Truly Hot people don’t have to explain themselves. They don’t have to put other people down like that.

I wish more people would be themselves. I wish I came across more blogs where people wrote about real life, instead of trying to start blog wars with their asinine opinions or trying to impress others with their knowledge.

I want to know what you are like when you think no one is looking.

I want to know what you think when you think no one could ever find out.

Who are you without that attitude, that sports car, that degree? Does your sorority make you?

The real you, may not be the most attractive person, but in the end, it’s what you’re working with and one day, everyone will see you for who you really are. You can only pretend for so long. And…who would want to pretend for the rest of their lives?

I am me.

I’m crazy. Emotional. Sloppy. Lazy. Friendly. Hopeful. Cheerful. Still dealing with issues with white folks but hopeful about having a white friend one day. I am in love with my sons. I am in love with my friends. I am so grateful to God simply for being who He is and how much He loves me, even when I sometimes can’t see why He should.

I love this short, nappy headed chick with the sparkling green eyes.

I love this baby mama drama having- daydreaming- fortune scheming-goody goody- who can’t seem to find someone to rub her booty at night.

It’s okay. Cuz at the end of the day, when I wake up my sons, take them to the potty and guide them into my bed, I rest knowing I didn’t do anyone wrong today. I made someone smile today. I spent time with my jitterbugs today. Damn, I didn’t wash dishes today ~shrugs~ But I’m happy cuz I’m loved by many.

And guess what? They all know the REAL me.

And they still love me.

They love me for me.

That’s positive.