All’s Well…

Just last week I kinda freaked when someone decided that they wanted to teach me a lesson so they would no longer be financially responsible for my children’s education. I mean, these bills are so serious but I am so grateful that my sons don’t have to grow up in the neighborhood that I grew up in and I am glad that I can afford such a nice place

Do you know how good this feels?! My boys will never know the projects. They will never know growing up in the hood. They will never see da boys on the corner, unless we’re driving through. Because I surround myself with upwardly mobile people, my boys will be exposed to all kinds of professionals from an early age. This will shape their mindset and give them tangible evidence that Black people CAN succeed. And for them, it won’t be just a dream, it will be a definite reality.

I am amazed sometimes when I think about it. And I am so grateful.

So when I realized that I would be providing for them all on my own, my heart nearly stopped. I mean, what good is having a professional baby daddy if he’s not gonna provide? Yeah I freaked out, did my budget a couple of times and sighed. I can make it with my current salary but EVERYTHING will be so tight that I can’t breathe financially. Tight, but not impossible.

I decided that we can do this, and we HAVE to do this. I relaxed a little bit. I put them in another school. Goodbye private school education. The school they are in now is in my old neighborhood (da hood). It’s the only affordable school I could find and it came highly recommended. After their first day my boys rode home giggling the whole way talking about their new friends and how good the food is there! LOL! I was so happy that they were happy. They don’t even know Mama is struggling financially. They are not supposed to.

I had a talk with them and let them know that we can not eat out every week like we used to do. And certain other things would change, like wild out trips to Chuckie Cheese and random toy shopping when they are good. But I promised them that we were gonna have a NEW kind of fun, with BETTER places to go. They were so excited. ~smile~

We can do this. Without him. If he doesn’t want to help. So be it.

Yesterday I had my weekly meeting with my Director. At the end of the meeting she gave me my new contract for the upcoming school year. I didn’t open it until I got inside my car. Once my door was closed I ripped open my package and scanned quickly for the bottom line. Those magic numbers.

I smiled.

I screamed.

I got a RAISE!

And it’s JUST enough to help me breathe again.

I won’t choke.

We won’t choke.

We will be okay.

And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is how God provides for his babies.

I learned that all this time I depended on their father for help when I shouldn’t have. Even if he decides to give $21,000 a month it won’t be him providing, it will be God. And right now, God is showing me how to stand up and take care of my family.

I am doing alright guys. I was scared for a minute, but you know, I am doing alright.

I am sooo happy!