All In My Head
I think about it over and over again

I fantasize often.

It is very, very relaxing to release the stress and allow myself to float away into the fantasy of what could be.

I dream of a spotless house. Coming home to a warm dinner and a hug, knowing there is no ring around the bathtub and I don’t have to iron clothes for the next day.

I dream of steak dinners like I used to make back when food stamps were plentiful.

I dream of a nice clean desk. Where did all this stuff come from and if I push it off the side will it disappear?

I dream of legalizing marijuana. Come on, how can you send somebody to jail for a dime bag? Aren’t there more important crimes being committed? A sista just wanna relax without worrying about it costing my whole future. I have too much on the line to indulge but I remember the days when….

I dream of being told, “Shut the f**k up!” while my hair is being yanked and I’m being pounded from behind.

I dream of computers that never get virus’s. No frozen screens or pop-ups.

I dream of buying some more bra’s some day.

I dream of opening my front door wide to a sly grin across a handsome face who declares, “I can’t stay long, I just wanted to see you and give you this,” as he hands me an order of hot wings and blue cheese. “And this…” he says as he gives me a big hug and walks away.

I dream of living in my dream home and having my bestfriends and their families over for a few days. My girls and I sitting outside on the patio sipping on hurricanes and reminiscing. One of them starts to cry as she says, “Tee, you always said you were gonna live like this. You never stopped believing and WOW, look at you!”

I dream of being able to pay my car insurance on time. Or my phone bill. Or my cable bill. Either one.

I dream of lazy days in front of the computer in my draws drinking Corona’s and simply allowing the magic to happen.

I dream of one day hearing, “I love you” and being whole enough to believe it.

I dream of sons who grow up saying, “I have the BEST MAMA!”

I dream of you and me relaxing together with no inhibitions and no insecurities and absolutely no clothes.

I dream of a Kanye West marathon and another amazing album.

I dream of death and the sweetness of the hereafter. I imagine God would give me a BIG hug and cry because He is so happy I made it.

I dream of standing in front of a sold out stadium delivering a message of healing and empowerment.

I dream of overpaying my house staff and my yard maintenance staff with special bonuses when the urge hits me.

I dream of a flat belly.

I dream of a steamy concoction of lust and love mixed with henessy and stirred with a spoon.

I am really happy right now. I’m excited about where I will be in the future but most importantly I can stand and say I’m proud of the woman I am today. I appreciate all that is within me.

I’m doing just fine.