In the months that followed that breakfast conversation, my entire life changed.
I don’t know what it is about having someone completely in your corner and knowing that they want to see you happy and will go to any length to see to it that you are…but man, it feels great.
I love that Steve is so consistent with me. I didn’t know how much attention and affection I required until one night he said, “Tee, you’re like a full-time job” as we snuggled on his couch.
“For real?” I asked him. “Am I that demanding? Am I too much?”
“Naw, you’re not too much, but yes, you are demanding,” he laughed. “But I don’t mind it because you give just as much as you demand.”
After all of these years, after all of the negative self talk, after all of the one night stands I have finally met someone who likes me just as much as I like him and isn’t afraid to show it. Although he’s only in town twice a month, for a few days at a time, I enjoy our relationship because when he’s here, I’m all over him and when he’s not I’m focused on school.
He gave me the keys to his condo. I love that he trusts me like that. My sons and I have grand weekends over there while we’re looking for our own place. Steve says he’s looking to buy again and he wants me to find a small house for him to rent out. I know what he’s doing. Honestly, it makes me cry.
I’m so used to dealing with my children’s father who points out everything he can that is wrong with me, my own parents who are very similar and ofcourse I can always make a long list of things I need to improve, but with Steve, he’s not like that. He never yells at me or says anything harsh at all. If he has a suggestion, he’ll calmly say, “Maybe you should try this…”
And because of the way he speaks to me, so lovingly, I do whatever he says.
He’s so smart and so affectionate towards me. You won’t believe what he did. He took me to the club. We went in together, we danced together all night and he did not leave my side for one minute. It was as though he wanted to let everyone know that he was with me. He was proud to be with me.
Proud.
And even afterwards as I cried in the car on the way home because I couldn’t believe that he treated me so well, he didn’t look at me in disgust or anything, he just rubbed my back and let me…be me.
Sometimes I do become scared because I wonder if he’ll hurt me. But when I talk to Anna about it she says, “Tee, please enjoy yourself.”
He has met my sons. It happened in a weird way for me.
One day I was with him and told him that I had to go because I was picking up my boys from practice and he stood up and put his shoes on and walked behind me.
I looked at him like he was crazy.
“Don’t you think it’s time that I meet them?” he asked. “I mean, telling them that you are staying at your friend’s house is cool and all, but I’d like to get to know them too. Are you afraid?”
I gulp. “No, I’m not. I’m just…I just…They will be glad to meet you,” I say and relax. “They used to tell me that they wanted me to get married all the time. They want more brothers to play with.”
Steve laughs and opens the door. “Have you mentioned me at all?”
“Yeah,” I blush. “I told them I met a nice man who makes me laugh.”
“What did they say?”
“They asked what your name was and I told them and then they asked if you were my boyfriend and I lied and told them we were friends.”
“You are so scary,” Steve says. “They are gonna love me.”
“Wait!” I say, “Let’s do it like this. Let me go pick them up and then tell them that we are going to pick you up so we can hang out. That way, they won’t be shocked to see a strange man in the car when I go pick them up.”
“Ok,” Steve says. “Call me when you’re close and I’ll meet you downstairs.”
When I tell my boys that I want them to meet my friend, my younger son says, “Is he your BOYFRIEND MAMA?!”
“Something like that,” I tell them.
They both laugh and laugh. I can tell they are happy. To them he’s just someone new to play with.
When Steve walks up to the car, they are both quiet. We get to the park and all hell breaks loose. They are all over him, racing him, tackling him and beating him up like the wrestlers on WWF.
I’m sitting back going, “Dang..All that aggression.”
We all go out to eat at the buffet and then we head back to Steve’s house to get the boys ready for bed. After they both take showers, he invites them to watch a movie with us and they fall asleep on the couch with me while Steve sleeps in the chair.
We had such a good time that Steve comes down more often. He makes sure to plan his trips around the time when the boys are there so he can see them too.
I don’t know what’s happening here, but it doesn’t seem real.
Especially the fact that..Steve and I have still not done the DEED yet. We’ve been tested and re tested and he still says it’s not time.
I wonder what that’s all about…