I dreamt about HIM again last night.
I honestly wake up frustrated with myself because my subconcious mind can’t seem to let it go. I don’t want to dream about him so often. I don’t even feel like I’m in love with him…I don’t know how I feel.
I guess I feel stupid..again…for caring about someone who doesn’t care about me back.
I thought I was over it, but I guess not. I’ve dreamt about him so much that I stopped counting. I feel like such a dork.
I have a guy friend coming in town to see me this weekend. When he told me I was like, ~yawn~
I don’t like him.
Sometimes I don’t get it..What is love supposed to be about? If a man can’t teach me anything or help me to reach my goals or finance my dreams then why the hell should I have him around?
Is there anything else that I’m supposed to consider? What else can they possibly add? I’m not being funny..I really don’t know.
Another confession….
When I woke up today, I got dressed and walked over to the student union for breakfast. As I walked my mind shifted to my BBDD and I asked myself, “What would I feel if he died?”
And I said- Nothing.
I wouldn’t miss him. I’m sure my kids would, but I wouldn’t.
Am I horrible?
I felt like 25%bad about having that thought because I know that whatever you wish for others, you are actually wishing for yourself.
I’m sorry.
I’m having a very emotional morning. Let me get back to my writing.