She’s a mirror.
I saw myself so clearly…From the first time I saw her picture I felt a jolt. Now whether it was my uterus clinching or some divine sign from heaven I don’t know..but I surely wanted to get to know her.
She was beautiful…and I felt like she definitely matched my fly…and she responded to me in the same way. We talked and vibed and vibed and talked and I began to crave every minute we had to talk on the phone. At first I was just playing around thinking this is a girl…I can’t be attracted to her like THAT. But I was…and she’s so different. She’s like a mixture of me and my sister…both of my sisters. She can be so sweet but so mean…
We both are confused about what we want and honestly…the paths our lives are going down don’t really complement each other…We want different things.. She wants a family and to be home and I want to travel the world being a journalist and empowering and uplifting people through my creative works.
Yet…the way I felt when I was talking with her..how comfortable I felt…made me re evaluate my vision for my future. Funny how meeting someone special can do that to you…
My sisters and my friends were amazed…I never talked about having more kids because I never want to be tied to a man like that for the rest of my life. No man deserves my seed. They won’t get it.
She was my mirror because she showed me that I am not myself when I am attempting to engage in a relationship. I become what I think the other person wants me to be as long as it doesn’t interfere with me going for my dreams..but in this case…I think I compromised that just to see…if what I think being loved feels like.
I want to experience it for myself instead of just celebrating the love of others. It steadfastly alludes me but thanks to my mirror I can see another way that I sabotage my chances at receiving love.
I just want to get away from her…stop thinking about her…I want this to be over with so I can go on my merry way and chalk it up to another bad attempt at bonding romantically.
I won’t try again…I’m too worn out. Funny thing is…I didn’t try with this…I just wanted to know her and the feeling was mutual so it flowed naturally… and then here I come…being me…again…
you know…
But the funny thing is…when I talked to Tamara about it…she reminded me of how every week she’ll tell me a story about her interactions with her man and i’ll say, “And he actually puts up with you?”
Tamara knows she can act out and she will admit it…but for some reason..this man puts up with it. He thinks she’s worth it…
I think so too…
As for me….Yall know I’m crazy… Who could ever be strong enough to handle that?