I had such a beautiful night last night.
No, I didn’t go anywhere. It’s just, there are no screens on the windows in my studio so at night when I don’t want to run the airconditioner I leave the windows opened and mosquitoes fly in and attack me all night.
Usually I have to hide completely under the covers in a little coccoon so that they can’t get me but last night when I turned on the A/C and closed the windows I felt like I was in heaven.
It felt like luxury to me even though my place is in the absolute worst shape it’s ever been in with me going through my things and throwing most of it away. I took out 4 trash bags of stuff last night and I still have two boxes to go. Anything that is not a picture or an award or a card is going in the garbage.
I threw away so much stuff and books I’ll never read again because I don’t like that fiction novel stuff anymore. I cried and cried and listened to It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye to Yesterday over and over again as I ripped up pictures and threw away old notes and research from grad school.
I can’t believe that shit is over. Man. I’m glad though. After that internship I knew I didn’t wanna work in that field. I would have been so depressed everyday working in an office with file cabinets and co workers who ask, “What are you doing for lunch?” EVERY DAMN DAY. Why? Ugh.
Next I have to tackle my clothes. I already know what I’m taking with me so everything must go. I wore my blue dress last week and I still have some stuff I’ve never worn but oh well, some charity is going to be lucky.
Today I was so horny all day. All day I just wanted to have an orgasm. So I masturbated like, twice but still I wasn’t satisfied.
I rolled my eyes and looked at my phone knowing good and well there are no phone numbers in there and even if their were, the MEN attached to those penis’s aren’t worth the 15 second orgasm anyway.
I feel like a BEAST!
All I wanna do is get BEAT DOWN and then fall asleep.
I talk too much.
I’m scared.
No I’m not. I mean I am not afraid of failure. I’m not afraid of failing myself but I am afraid of failing others.
I just want this project to turn out right. I want to see women walk away feeling so good about themselves and empowered and I want them to always remember what I did.
Blah Blah.
I heard Kanye has a new girlfriend. I’m considering breaking up with him for that. I guess everybody needs love though. I hope it lasts for him.