PRINCE!

I just spoke with my girl Tamara in Tallahassee and shes doing OK. I’m so frustrated about her situation because I somehow thought things with her would be different. He boyfriend/baby daddy recently broke up with her and she’s left to be a single Mom too. Just like me. Just like my other bestfriend Anna.

I wouldnt wish this lifestyle on anyone. Raising children is not a process that one person should handle. The children will always be lacking in one area or another, even if they dont realize it. But with Tamara I hate to see her face this because shes such a good girl. Sincerely.

You know how some women are mean, insecure and sometimes sabotage their own relationships, Tamara is not like that. I can handle this pain, this rejection. I have handled it well I think. I’m used to being by myself. Not Tamara. She’s such a good girl. She doesnt deserve to be rejected like that. TO have her dream of a family crushed like that. I wish I could take all of her pain for myself so she would not be stung. I’m hard. I’ve been through it. Pain is familiar and so is rejection. I can take whatever and still manage. Tamara isn’t like me.

But you know, it all comes down to whether or not you waited for God when considering your mate. If you do things on your own, things arent gonna work. And if they do, just imagine what you could have had if you waited on God. I believe that 100%.

See, my church is a trip, I know, but they have some revelations about waiting on God that are hard to swallow if you want to do your own thing. I am so tired of doing my own thing. I want to do it God’s way or no way. All of this unhappiness around me with women who are dating outside of God’s will just further causes me to embrace the teaching at my church about not dating. I watch them as they fumble, they trip up and they sometimes score a touchdown. But the game is often upsetting and surprising and I dont want to gamble with my heart based on my own strength and skill.

Yeah, its difficult being a woman and having so much love inside. It’s funny because I think my sons may grow up thinking that all women are supposed to adore them. I smother them with kisses, with cuddles and I serve them like they are my kings. I do anything to see them smile and make them laugh. I sleep better when they are in my arms. Am i wrong?

Their daddy says I have misplaced affection cuz I dont have a man, but I think Im okay. I’m not inappropriate in my affection, I just have a lot of love to give an I am very affectionate and right now they are the only ones who stand still long enough to receive it. ~smile~

I’m not up here freaking out thinking that i REALLY need a man in my life. I used to want to hunch, but I dont want that anymore. I dont know what I want. I guess I just want whatever is supposed to happen to just HAPPEN ALREADY. Enough with the mystery. This waiting is getting kinda old. LOL I soemtimes feel like when I do receive my husband Im gonna look at him like, What took you so long? and roll my eyes cuz I have been handling things on my own for so long that there is really no need for him. But I guess if God has that for me then he will be able to fulfill some need in my life, although right now I cant see what that could be.

SOMEONE I know has to do things the right way. SOMEONE I know has to be happy. Enough with this cycle of drama and tears.