Get on up!

I fell out today. After work I went to the bookstore before I picked up my sons because tomorrow is my boss’ birthday and I wanted to get him a book that he talked about. I fell out while I was looking for the book and the manager asked me if I wanted him to call an ambulance. Yeah right! you know how much an ambulance costs? I’d rather drive myself to the hospital than pay for that.

All day long I had this monster headache, one of those where your eyes are half-closed just to get some relief. I know i must have been looking so mean all day but that’s not unusual, ppl say I look mean a lot.

I didnt get much sleep last night. I couldnt sleep for some reason. I think it was because I had taken a luscious nap that afternoon and Solomon woke up coughing around 2 am for about two hours. I also had something on my heart that I needed to write down but I was trying to ignore it. but when its so strong like that I cant ignore it and until i get up and write it down, I cant get any rest. It’s a burden but it’s true. I always have a story dancing around in my head. I guess that’s how I know writing is my passion, it’s what I think of most.

I’ve been okay. It’s funny how I’m dealing with being Almost Twenty-Five. I’m not 25 yet but just the countdown is wearing on me. As each one of my friends turn 25, I can see its like a wake-up call. A self-check. They get out that inventory wish list and compare. They still feel 21 but its quite evident they arent a kid anymore.

I cant even pretend Im a kid. Shoot, I have two kids of my own. Being almost 25 is scary. Being almost 25, still relatively new in Christ is still scary. I thought once I got with God things would be smooth…didnt happen. Before I was carefree, loving on people all the time. Now I worry about their perception of me, am I repping Christ to the fullest? Am I a light? Did I say that with the right heart? When will I get it right? Why can’t I get it right?

It’s more of a challenge now that there are standards to live by. Someone told me that this is normal for someone who is still new in Christ. Once I get some years under me, I’ll see the ease with which God guides my life.

I hope so, cuz sometimes I feel like I didnt get anything right, except the day when I laid myself down and gave up, and God stepped in.