Whatever

I guess this Easter Sunday has me reflecting a bit which I always do but ~sigh~ Oh well.

My boys just got home from a long weekend with their daddy and as usualy they are full of smiles and fun stories of what they did and who they saw. They always have exciting stories to tell. Their daddy takes them on trips and to all the fun kiddie restaurants and exposes them to cool stuff that I don’t get a chance to.

They told me that he took them out to feed the homeless and they went to see the Harlem Globetrotters one night at the Miami Arena. They went to the drive-in movie and to countless picnics and weddings and theme parks and stuff.

Everytime they come back telling their stories, I feel a little bit of envy. Mainly because I want to go too! But partly because I guess I wish I had a daddy that I could love as much as they love theirs. He’s good to them, really good and if you don’t count the fact that he doesn’t pay child support, I’d say he was a great daddy. I’ve learned to lower my expectations of him and just accept him as he is. I can’t make him be anyone but who he is. All of his friends are professional, good hearted people who I know will be good influences on my boys.

Wow. This weekend I realized that I haven’t spoken to my Baby Daddy since we went to court for the injunction. Our kids are exchanged solely through his mother so there’s no reason for us to interact at all. You know what? I don’t miss him being mean to me but I do recall the era, long long ago when we were friends. Real friends. We used to do everything together. Seems like that life was so long ago but I’m reminded of it everytime my boys come back with stories of how he took them to visit our college friends. I know all of the people he is still in contact with. I don’t speak to them that often though. Most of them are still cool with me so it’s cool.

I guess…I guess what I’d really like right now is a cool ass guy friend. Not like Reggie who works 7 days a week and just bought his house so I see him like twice a year. And not like Joe who I never see because he doesn’t want his girl to get mad. And definately not like Lem who I see occasionally but I feel horrible afterwards because I know he’s hiding the fact that he’s hanging out with me from his girlfriend.

I guess I’d like someone who would make seeing me a priority in their life. I’d like to feel like someone values our time spent together. I’d like to feel some love instead of lust. I promise that if a man would be nice to me I’d be very nice to him back. I stopped being nice to men after my fling with THE ATTORNEY last March but I’m done being mean. I’m ready to be sweet and take a risk at being my thoughtful, sexy self for some lucky gentleman.

But child please. ~rolls eyes~

Guess what happened this weekend?

I’m doing what some lonely single women do on a Saturday night- talking on the phone with my girl Tonya while we watch TV together to bridge the many miles between us. My phone alerts me that I have a text message.

With one eyebrow raised I take a look and squeal into the phone, “TONYA! Guess who just texted me?!! “B”! He is thinking about me on a Saturday night!” I coo.

“What did he say?”

“Oh.. He just said, ‘Wuz up?'”

She laughs. “Write him back.”

“Ok, I’m gonna say…’Nothin..What’s up with u?”

I text him and a few seconds later I hear the text alert and I almost drop the phone.

“He wrote me back girl! He said, ‘Watching Lord of the Rings. How is everything?'”

Great. I’m just relaxing alone for the night. R u going out?

Nah. Not sure. Might chill.

Me too. Watching BET.

I see, Spring Bling has been on all day.

That’s right. Born and raised in the county of Dade.

LOL- What you doing tomorrow?

Nothing and u?

Church then cook some gumbo.

As we’re going back and forth I’m still on the phone with Tonya reading everything to her and she breaks in and asks, “Tee, why are ya’ll texting for so long and he has your number?”

I pause.

Hmm.. I was just so excited that his wonderful self actually thought of me that I didn’t care! But she had a valid point. So I asked him.

Um, why are we still texting? I’m sure you have my phone number?

He took a minute to reply. This is how I communicate, lol! Not a phone guy plus I’m watching a movie.

Ok.

That was the end of our love affair for the evening.

~shrugs~

At least Kanye can go to sleep tonight knowing that my heart has not been given to another man.

Whatever…