God Put It On My Heart

Oh really?

“You’ve been praying about God leading you haven’t you?” the founder of the women’s magazine asked me during our first interview.

I nodded my head as my gaze shifted to the window. Although this seems like the opportunity of a lifetime, something just doesn’t feel right about this.

“I think God led you here. I have been praying too,” she said and squinted her eyes. “I’m almost tearing up because of His goodness.”

We all know what happened with that job. Apparently God forgot to tell her that I needed to be paid for my services.

“How did you find out about this company?” the president asked me during my interview for the position at the PR firm back in February.

“My former Pastor found the company online and told me about it and I decided I’d check it out.”

She shook her head in amazement. “That’s God,” she told me. “This is sooo God.”

Fast forward to 2 months later….

“Um, I thought God sent me here,” I said to her after she explained why she was letting me go. “I wonder why He would do that.”

She rustled a few papers on her desk and spoke. “Maybe He wanted you to see that there are many different types of writing and maybe you should be a little more open to doing other things.”

“Hey, I tried my best. I know I have skills, this just isn’t one of them.”

“You know God put it on my heart that you should come live with me,” she told me with a serious expression.

Huh? “Why would I do that?”

“What’s going to happen when you can’t afford to keep your place? How could you put your boys through that?”

“Wait a minute, that hasn’t happened yet and I’m not gonna even worry about it until it does happen.”

She shakes her head sadly as if to say ‘poor baby’.

But I know that her offer for me and my sons to move in with her isn’t strictly to bless ME. She needs my money to move into her new place. Without my contribution, she and her boyfriend don’t have enough to cover the move in costs.

“Why would you continue to struggle paying your bills late and paying such high rent when you can come live with us and we can split it? You can have your own room.”

Me and my two sons living in one room?

My life hasn’t gotten that bad yet. I don’t understand why she would even suggest that.

~scratches head~

Yes I do.

She’s trying to manipulate me by using God.

~sigh~

Once again, I’m assumed to be a duck who doesn’t have any brains or relationship with God of my own.

I really wish people would stop using God as a tool to get what they want from others. I had enough of that at my old church. If you want to please God, be obedient to us.

God, I know that I have a desire to please others and be a blessing. Sometimes I take it too far even when I know the person doesn’t appreciate my actions. I only do this because I want to show unconditional love. I know they see me as weak because I just want to help. Please protect me from the wolves who come to milk me for my time, energy and love for their own selfish agenda.

I don’t know why you made me like this Lord, but…one day I hope that the right person or company comes along and they really appreciate my heart instead of seeing me as a patsy they can abuse.