I Love My Friends!

Ahhh…

There’s nothing like a nice big glass of Merlot to relax your mind. I promise you this week has been the most fucking crazy ass week of my damn life. I mean, think about it. Life changes so quickly for people and you have no control over what happens.

I thought about Lissette all day. I looked at her picture over and over and what I remember most about her was that she was always so neat and clean. I’m a fucking mess! I would love to go to her house because that shit was always nicely decorated. She was one of those model wives type chicks who drove a nice car, had the quintessential big black husband and had great friends who were all doing great in their careers. And she was doing well too. That chick was a part of my life. She was there when my first son was born. She watched as he came into the world. She would send us presents in the mail and send email updates to let us know how her son was doing you know.

Most of all I loved her because my Baby Daddy loved her and I loved her for being such a good friend to him.

So now she’s gone. Like, I’ll never get another email from her. I’ll never get another update from her. I’ll never be able to shoot her an email and say, “Girl I’m doing well!”

I don’t know I’m rambling but I thank you for your attention as the burgundy liquid takes over my mnd.

You know what else I’ve been feeling? Peace.

It’s like I don’t have that hurt feeling in my body anymore. That tense feeling that made me cry and feel like I was so alone.

Yeah. I think about having someone come over and touch me. But when the thought comes, it doesn’t overwhelm me. I just shrug it off and continue to work on my proposals and ideas to achieve what I need to achieve in life.

It’s funny how the absence of concrete goals allows for disatisfaction to take over. An idle mind is a terrible thing. Now that Im so gung ho about starting my own business well…It’s all I dream about. It’s all I think about. It’s all I live and I will achieve.

My roommate is silly. I think I need to be exposed to her. She’s this down ass white girl who makes tons of money as a salesperson and is just..cool as hell. She loves to party and has this bestfriend who is a guy and he’ll probably end up becoming her husband. She’s nothing like me. I worry a lot and plan a lot and think a lot about my future and how I HAVE to make it or I’ll die. She parties and goes on trips and laughs with her friends and pays for cooking classes and juggles men like it’s no big deal. I like that about her.

The only reason I know all of this is because the internet connection in my room is not ready so she has offered me full use of her laptop which means I’m in the living room when she gets home and she sits down and talks to me about her friends.

Yeah.

I’m so used to living alone dude.

This is one fucking crazy ass life I’m living. How the hell did I go from being at home with my sons all the time addicted to the internet to living out my dreams in a strange city as a single woman? WHo’d have ever thought that would happen?

The best part is…hold up…lemme refill my glass..I’m not driving or going anywhere so I can get fucked up if I want to…who is gonna know?

I’m back. So.. Did I mention that I don’t get horny anymore? I don’t know what’s up with that? Maybe its cuz I live with a stranger and though I masterbate silently, it’s kinda weird knowing someone is in the house with me and I can’t get comfy doing it.

I’m watching Mean Girls on TBS. Didn’t you just ADORE teen movies when you were growing up? Oh my gosh! Teen movies lie, totally shaped who I am. Heathers. Can’t Buy Me Love. The Breakfast Club. All those movies with Corey Haime and Corey Feldman. There was this one movie that I’ll nevr forget. Wait… I forgot it. LOL! Hollup. Ohhhh!!! It was called Something Special. Did anyone ever see that? It was about a girl who woke up one day with a penis. LOL!

Then she made friends with this guy who ended up falling in love with her/him and being upset because he thought he was gay. I don’t know why that fascinated me but it did.

Hey… LOL! Remember those late night Cinemax movies? LOL! Thats what introduced me to sex. That’s why, to this day I don’t get turned on by real porn. All those slippery wet body parts make me gag. But when I flip it to Cinemax and the soft corn porn is on… you know with the dumb plot and the fake breasted blondes…man… I like that.

I like watching people have sex. I like it better than engaging in the actual act. Is that wrong?

Today I was texting this dude I met and we were talking about sex ofcourse cuz I’m sexual dammit and I can’t WAIT to meet a dude who loves sex like I do. I miss Dude.

I miss the way he would always come over and hunch me. Whether I was tired or not. Everyday he would call and come over and we would do it over and over and over… LOL!

Sometimes my kids would be playing in their room and he would try me. It was exciting during that time. He has a big one. And he knew how to use it. LOL!

Am I saying too much?

There’s this show called My Boys on TBS an it is THE BOMB! The main character is this chick who’s kinda boyish. I identify with her because I’m on he boyish side too. Maybe I’m not but I feel like a man on the inside sometimes. And sometimes…I want to have secks with my Baby Daddy again.

I don’t know why. I just want to feel him and I want him to melt inside of me. His girlfriend could watch. I don’t care. Am I saying too much tonight?

Oh no. I hope not.

I think about Dell sometimes. I shake that shit off quickly though cuz that bitch ain’t thinking about me. His fine ass. I bet he woulda like it if I woulda just took control and took aht dick.

He was trippin… For real…Damn…I wanna be submissive and shit but…these dudes want to be with a bitch. I can be that but I’d rather not. I’d rather cater to your every whim and be your love slave. LOL!

I’m crazy-deranged. Remember when MARTIN was the best show on TV? They don’t have shows on TV like that anymore. Remember Married With Children? And the best show EVER- In Living Color?

Man…The Wayans family should be honored. Oh I gotta go. I got a phone call.

I love everyone and all the advice and encouraging words you give. Thank you. You are so wonderful for accepting me as I am and celebrating with me and believeing with me. Cuz sometimes I get so down and I go through all my old emails from the readers who said that I encouraged them and that encourages me.

THANK YOU!

I love you.

You inspire ME!

THANK YOU!

I need you! I love you!

Ms. Tee