The Big GIVE

Some life lessons don’t take years to learn.

Some life lessons come hard and fast.

Today I faced up to one of my biggest downfalls.

I realized that I am abusive…to myself.

I won’t let go of situations or relationships even when I KNOW they are not healthy for me.

The reason I hold on is because I’m an overachiever and a perfectionist by nature. So when something (or someone) in my life doesnt quite fit right, I try my best to make it fit. I hang in there even though I’m hurting, consequently hurting myself more.

For years I have been a victim of my own self abuse. I can see now that I could have eliminated so much heartache if I had just let go of the thing that had been trying to let go of me.

But noooo…Ms. Tee WILL MAKE IT WORK! I would commit myself to seeing it through to the end, even though the thing was never committed (or promised) to me. I figured that if I was naturally a good person, a successful person or a tenacious person then my STRONG WILL, will get me what I thought I wanted.

I was wrong.

I was wrong.

Today I decided to follow my peace. If it doesn’t feel right, cut it. If it hurts too much to maintain, let it go.

Forget what people say, this is MY life. Forget the fear of loneliness or dissappointing others. I have to first make sure that I’m not dissappointing MYSELF.

I will learn to let go and follow my peace.

I love you Lord!

Thank you for teaching me this lesson. I only have a few bruises left to heal and I trust that you will dissolve them for me.

I was at work today and I checked out the BlackAmericaWeb website and lo and behold..behold and lo… Look what I found.

Oprah is developing a reality show aimed at allowing people the opportunity to live their wildest dreams of GIVING to others.

I couldn’t believe it as I read through her call for cast members.

Everything they are looking for is already in ME!

“We are looking for competitive, creative, and adventurous individuals who want to use their resourcefulness to help others and will stop at nothing to do the right thing!” the ad read.

I almost fell out of my chair.

I don’t know if you’ve ever done this but I have fantasized once or twice (okay maybe more) about what I would do if Oprah called me and asked to make my wildest dreams come true.

I already have a plan. I was just waiting for the call. I’ve written her a couple of times telling her about who I am and where I want to go in life. I’ve told her about my journey and how I live to GIVE.

So I quickly downloaded the application only to learn that…the deadline for entries has passed. The casting calls are over. I missed it.

I would’ve won that chance too.

So I quickly called Kim to tell her what I found and she said, “If it was yours by divine right, you would have it.”

That brought me peace, knowing that if that was an opportunity that I would have benefited from, somehow, someway, she would have found out about me, or I would have found out about the show and it would have been a perfect match.

I realize that God presents His gifts to me without pain or struggle. Look at how I found the job at the newspaper. I sent the publisher an email telling her about my journey and she offered me a full time job.

I didn’t have to fight for it. It came as a blessing.

I will continue to walk into my destiny by putting God first and maintaining focus on my goals.

I WILL be a philanthropist one day!

I WILL connect with millions through my writing and speaking gifts.

I WILL share my story and bring hope to the hopeless.

I WILL be a Cover Girl model.

I WILL meet a wonderful multi millionaire businessman who is completely enamored by me.

I WILL be able to give love and financial assistance to those who have helped me along the way and so many more!

I WILL write biographies, appear on television and inspire the masses.

I WILL ACHIEVE all that God has in my heart to achieve by my divine right.

If you have a hankering on your heart, an urgency to do right, you will have that opportunity and so will I.

Thank you Lord for the gift of spiritual and emotional growth. Continue to connect me to people who are TRUE because I stand for TRUTH.

All those who fell away did so because they are not true to themselves and therefore can not connect with me.

I know who I am.

I like who I am.

I am Ms. Tee…naturally.