Rules Of Engagement

Yesterday I was invited by one of my readers to have lunch at the South Dallas Cafe. I was excited about going down South Dallas because I heard that’s where “the people” are.

So I drove down 75 and found the spot easily. As soon as I parked and stepped out of my car I was greeted with a hearty, “HEY RED!”

I looked up and a man was standing in the middle of the parking lot, giving me the eye. I smiled and waved at him. Before I walked two more steps, two other men stopped me to tell me how beautiful I looked.

I grinned. Wow. People are actually..SMILING at me? Whoa. I had been cooped up in that office and in my apartment for so long that it was rare that I heard words of appreciation from strangers so I was definitely in heaven.

As I waited in the lobby of the restaurant, more men came in and invited me to have lunch with them. I was blowed. All of this fantasizing about men that I do and never seeing them return the appreciation….I really forgot what it felt like. I usually HATE when men ogle me because I feel like a piece of meat on display but today..SHIIITTTT– I was eating it up!

Soon a woman approached me with a smile and I knew it was Shawna. Shawna was beautiful, to say the least. It seems that all of my readers are. She has been a reader of my blog for over 3 years and takes the time to send me blessings and encouraging words.

When I was in Houston staying with the Professor, she sent me a gift to keep me going. When we finally spoke on the phone for the first time she told me, “I checked you out before contacting you. When you wrote about staying at the shelter I called them and asked for you. They told me that you hadn’t been there for a few days. That’s when I knew you were real.”

Yep. I’m real.

We walked through the line and chose our meal of soul food. Baked chicken, collard greens, macaroni and cheese and yam were my choices for this afternoon feast. Shawna had mashed potatoes and fried chicken and even picked up a plate to take home to her husband.

We chatted easily about our lives. It’s kinda weird to meet someone for the first time and they know so much about you. It turns out that Shawna is an attorney at one of the largest firms in this city.”I met The Prez before,” she told me between mouthfuls of mashed potatoes.”Really! Where?””It was at a luncheon or awards banquet. He was one of the speakers.””Oh my gosh! So you heard him SPEAK!”She laughed, “Uh..Yeah.””Did your heart beat fast too?” I asked eagerly.”Uhh..No. He ain’t all that,” she said with a laugh.I laughed loudly, managing to drown out the man playing the saxophone. He was so good that I refused to believe that he was actually playing that thing but it turns out that he was!”Well, it’s funny how we like what we like. None of my friends would think he’s attractive but they do admit that he is exactly what I like. Which is good cuz we all like different types of men so we will never fight over them.”She told me about her daughters and her husband and how she developed “an edge”. She seemed so sweet and innocent that I just laughed at her. “There’s this club about two doors down from here and let me tell you, those people are WILD.””What you mean?””I went there once with my Mom and they don’t have a liquor license so you have to bring your own bottle.””WHAT?!””Yeah….So when the waitresses comes by to take your order you say, ‘I’d like some coke and ice please.'”I cracked up.”And when the DJ announces that it’s time for the ‘hens’ to come up, all of these women come up on the stage and they dance so nasty! And there’s a video camera on them zooming in and out.”I was rolling!”I love Dallas,” I admitted.”I love it here too.””There’s a feeling that I get when I’m here. It reminds me of how I feel when I am in Miami.”Shawna was so funny! She is a certified blog connoisseur. She says she reads blogs everyday like most people read the news. She has watched as so many bloggers turn their blogs into businesses and she shared some of the methods that she has seen. I sat there taking notes on my phone as she spoke and I shared my vision for my website with her.Because I was able to work at THE WEBSITE, I learned a lot about marketing sponsorships and how to present a content package for potential advertisers. This was the final piece of the puzzle for me because I already knew how to manage content, source writers, edit and present the articles in interesting ways,Now I just need the readership to grow myself.”That’s important!” Shawna agreed. Look at Dooce!” Dooce is a woman who was fired from her job because of her blog. She was the most highly publicized incident of this occurence so the term ‘dooced’ was coined meaning, “to lose one’s job because of one’s website.” Shawna explained that after the public heard about what happened, her readership increased dramatically and advertisers were beating her down for the chance to advertise on her site. At first Dooce didn’t want to offend her readers but eventually she gave in. Now neither she or her husband have to work. Her blog takes care of the entire family.Aha!Imagine what my life would be like if I could make a profit doing what I love to do. Well…I was making a living do that at the website, but it turned out that the environment wasn’t a good fit for me. Before I knew it, Shawna said she had to get back to work and I was a little dissappointed. I really enjoyed learning from her and she was so hilarious and easy to talk with.As we walked out of the restaurant and into the parking lot I gave her a hug and told her that I appreciated her company. My friends have really been getting on me about staying cooped up in the house and not meeting people. I don’t remember the last time I had fun like this.”Wait,” Shawna said before I walked away. “I have something for you in my car.”I followed her to her car and she went into her trunk, producing a big bag of….groceries. I adjusted my sunglasses so she couldn’t see the tears and I reached out my hand to accept her gift. Then she reached into her purse and gave me two folded bills and said, “Please go to the grocery store.”I can’t believe how much God is blessing me through the wonderful people that I meet through this website. All I do is share myself openly and people feel so connected to me. There are so many great people out there that I can’t doubt that I am loveable. The love I receive through this blog negates all of the personal criticisms my former director would try to say about me and anything negative my BBDD ever said about me. As I sat down in the drivers seat of my car, I took a minute to allow my emotions to flow. I am so grateful to God because everytime I’m in need, He shows up right on time to get me through to the next blessing.As I drove back on 75 North I thought about Kim and her blessing. I wrote a story about it and posted in my scribd account and so many people have told me how blessed they were by her testimony.Then my thoughts turned to Tamara and the wedding dress she picked out. She made me promise not to show it to anyone and I’m glad she did because I was itching to email the link to everyone I knew. I have never seen a more beautiful wedding gown in my life. “Your man is going to fall in love with you all over again when he sees you in that dress,” I told her during an IM conversation. “When you’re done with it, let me have it.”After that my thoughts turned to all of the men who had offered me their contact information while I was waiting for Shawna to show up. I considered the offer from one of the men but changed my mind quickly reminding myself that I am a woman all alone in a city and I can’t date anyone until I have friends who can have my back in case any of them turn out to be nuts.Besides, I don’t believe God is going to send my special man like that. He’s not gonna walk up to me admiring the way I look in my jeans. He’s not gonna holla, “HEY RED!” like some thug on the street. So I reject ALL offers of friendship from men who don’t know anything about me. They don’t want to be my friend, they want to see me in my thong. Being all alone is a bitch but I refuse to compromise with the type of man that I know I deserve, just to have some company. I’ve done that before and I have learned my lesson. It’s time for a new thing.I combat my desire to be touched with lots of hot showers. The warm water cascading over my pecan skin soothes me. I take lots of showers these days.I drive away loneliness by calling my friends who bless me with words of praise and admiration.I embrace my heart’s desire to experience love by fantasizing about the perfect man, the perfect house and my perfect family. I immerse myself in these fantasies daily, trying so hard not to place a particular face on the man involved. When I attach myself to a certain man, I am always dissappointed when the man doesn’t turn out to be who I envisioned him to be.I am so at peace right now. I know that God is my supply and He is well able to take care of my every need. I cast the burden of lack on God, who is my supply.He will open a door SOON for income and I will be able to take care of myself as He aligns me with His divine will for my life. The divine plan can not be stopped by anything I say or do. And since I always wake up praising His name and asking for direction for my day, I am confident that He has led me and will continue to lead me into my promised land.