Looking Forward To My Own
Fantasy Life

I had such a great day today.

I think it was because for the first time last night I got a good night’s rest. For some reason I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and I have more peace than I’ve had in a long time.

So this morning I woke up and checked my email, there was a letter in there from Ross the photographer, asking me to let him know which way I’d like to be paid for writing his love story. I sighed in relief. Income.

It came right on time and it’s enough to pay all of my side bills. I can go to the grocery store again! The best thing about it, of all the searching for positions and marketing myself that I’ve been doing, I didn’t even have to ASK him for this job. It was his idea. I never even told him that I love to write love stories. It’s as though God put it on his heart to contact me and ask me to do what He gifted me to do.

Thinking back, the only job I’ve ever gotten because of a job posting was the one at the website. Every other job I’ve ever had I got because I introduced myself and explained what I can do. Though there were never any advertised openings, they made room for me.

The whole world will soon make room for me because I’m not waiting for anyone to express a need for someone with my gifts. I’m gonna present myself and see who wants to benefit from what I have to give.

My website is launching NEXT WEEK. I am a bit excited about it though I have so much more work to do. My web designer and I ran into some technical difficulties due to her demanding schedule at work so I decided to go ahead with the launch using one of the templates from blogger and once we have more time to work on the actual site, we’ll switch it over. No use wasting time when there’s a gift to be given. I was upset at first but I asked God to show me what to do and He did!

Adjust and move on…

Blogger sure has come a long way from back when I started blogging in 2003. Back then there were only 3 template choices and no extra options. You had to figure out how to link to other pages and add things to your template so I got a lot of practice with html and coding.

I haven’t spoken to Kim in so long. I wonder what she’s up to. I hope she’s not in a depressed state. That’s usually the only time I don’t hear from her. I sent up a little prayer for her today.

Last week she called me when she was in Miami and told me about her friend’s wedding. It turns out that none of her friend’s other childhood friends attended the wedding even though most of them live in Miami.

“Dawg,” Kim said. “It just goes to show that not everyone is meant to cross every threshold with you. Sometimes you just have to let go.”

That made me think about the friendships I have and the ones that have faded away. Even the friendships I have now are continually evolving and honestly…I’m open to the evolution. It’s not that I give up easily on my friends because I do what I have to do to be open to compromise and be true friends to them. But sometimes…you just grow apart and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m changing into a completely different person than I was when I met most of my friends and those who are not going in the same direction are becoming less and less involved.

I think a true friend is one who allows room for the other person’s life to take its course with no pressure to go their way. I remember back in college my girl Shanna became a muslim and that’s when I was just getting into my Christian life. We went to lunch one day and sat outside talking and I said, “I feel sad for you because you are not going to heaven.” She responded sadly in the same tone as she looked at me, “Tee, I feel the same way about you.”

We’re still friends after all this time and she’s not even practicing her Muslim religion anymore. Imagine if I had tried to curse her out or force her to see things my way. In fact, she’s back in the church now and loving every minute of it. And look at me…I don’t even go to church anymore. How’s that for a turn of events!

Back in college as I tested my limits, I tried everything there was to try except for hard drugs. I’d smoke my blunts everyday but both me and my BBDD agreed, “We don’t need to get any higher than THIS!”

It was a beautiful day in Dallas today, even though it rained a little. The rain reminds me of Miami, the life I used to live versus where I am now. It’s funny that when I look at my friend’s lives and the progress and strides they are all taking, even though it may seem like they’re progressing faster than I am, I don’t mind.

Even though I sleep on the floor, I miss my kids like WHOA, I’m lonely all the time and I have no steady income, I wouldn’t trade places with any of them for all the money in the world. I don’t want a life like theirs, I want my own fantasy life.

I can see where I’m going, I’m following my own path and I have no problem waiting it out until my turn comes.