All Shiny And New
Guess what I got for Christmas?
I got to wake up in the morning with my sons and watch them open Christmas presents. They’re getting so big. Their spirits were happy. I could tell that they are well taken care of. We were all over the place. We stayed with Tonya and went to see Mimi and her new baby. It was so beautiful sitting there with Mimi and her son. Me and my sons. She and her son. What a very special bond we have. Mimi is no ordinary friend. She’s not one of my “girls”. She ain’t a homie or even a mentor. Mimi is an extraordinary example of what womanhood should be. She doesn’t have a negative quality about her and all that I am, the heart I have to serve and be good, she had a large impact on that. She strives for righteousness in a way that is endearing while I have to constantly remind myself, “Uh..that’s not a good idea girl, get yo mind right.”
So yeah. I love Mimi. We hung out with our boys and talked about how great it is to be a Mom. I made my sons perform their Christmas skits frpm their school plays for her. We all practiced doing the Heisman on dat ho and my boys loved it! They let me cuddle with them. I kissed them 100 times and told them about 400 times that I loved them. Again, those little darlings had me blushing when I came out of the bedroom after getting dressed. Both of my Boo Boo’s stopped in their playing, looked up and smiled when they saw me, “You look so pretty Mama.” I couldn’t believe it! They made me blush. They are always saying sweet things like that to me.
On of our many long rides I had “the talk” with them. I turned my Kanye CD down and all I could hear was the sound of my son’s gameboy buzzing in the backseat as I navigated the highway.
“Boys, I want to talk to you. I want to tell you that Mommy is making another move to be able to take good care of you like I want to. Mommy wants to find the right place to raise you in and I’m thinking about moving to Texas.”
“Texas?”
“Yeah.”
“With the cowboys?”
“That’s what I think they have, but I don’t know I’ve never been there,” I say and laugh. “Houston is the city, Texas is the state.”
“Houston is the city?”
“Texas is the state. Ask your Daddy to show it to you on a map,” I say and sigh. “Just a little while longer boys. Always know that I love you and I’m so happy that your Daddy is taking such good care of you. I love you. You hear me?”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
One thing I must admit is their Daddy did it the smart way. Whereas I was not accepting of the help offered to me, he takes full advantage of his being a single parent and to my understanding he has a full team of support including his girlfriend who lives nearby, my parents who take the kids every few weekends, his Mom who travels down to Miami often and a group of babysitters who rotate so he can go out with his girl or he has to go out of town. He is running that very well.
I’m impressed.
One time I called my boys to chat and a girl answered the phone. I could hear my boys in the background.
“Hello,” She said.
“Hi. I’m Sugarbear and Boo Boo’s Mom, Ms. Tee. How are you?”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you the babysitter?”
“Yes.”
“Are they driving you crazy?”
“Yes! They are just running all around and pushing each other all the time. They won’t sit down!”
I stifle a laugh. My boys wildin! “They can be a handful. Let me speak to Sugarbear.”
“Which one of you is Sugarbear?” She asks loudly and I hear a mad dash for the phone.
On Christmas Day I also got to see my little brother and his family, including my niece. I am an auntie butit doesn’t feel like it. I never get to see her. I wish I could. When they told me her name I almost choked. I couldn’t believe it. They had chosen the name I had all picked out for my little girl; They named her Taryn. That is such a beautiful name. Fit for any female child lucky enough to come out of my body. She’s gonna be so spunky and so good hearted. That name says it all.
Ahh…But they took the name already and I will never allow my child to be a duplicate of anyone I know so it’s back to the drawing board. Wait. Why am I even thinking about any of this? I’m not having anyone’s baby anytime soon. In fact. My mindframe is changing when it comes to men. I’ve done all that, let me show you who I am so that you will love me for me- mess. Now I think it’s time to pour on a little bit of “I don’t give a fuck”. Cuz personally, I don’t give a fuck about none of these men. You come and you go. Let’s have fun while you’re around because I’m not trying to get attached and neither should you.
Point blank. I don’t need you. I don’t want you. You’re here as an accessory to my life only. I ain’t trying to get married. I’ve had my kids already so I’m not yankering to do that. The only thing I haven’t done is PUSH IT TO THE LIMIT.
Let’s see what happens in these final days of preperation for the one way trip.
