My Personal Blog from 2003 to 2011
Chin Check
This is exactly what I’m gonna look like if I don’t get some damn electrolisis!
These damn chin hairs just won’t go away!
It’s so frustrating every morning having to pluck and tweeze and snip these black ass wires. Why is this hair so tough?! It never stops growing.
I’m too light skinned for this mess.
It lowers my stock by about 10 points man.
This is ridiculous.
Damn.
First Day At Work
If you wanna hear about my first day at work, you have to check my audioblog. I’m so happy! I’ll give all the details in writing later but I’m too busy telling the same story over and over again to the JILLION people calling me to find out how my day went.
I feel so LOVED!
Happy Valentines Day Everyone!!!
Livin Off The Wall
On Monday morning I began my day by reading this message:
Excel and Propel
The dawn of a new era is upon us! We’re setting sail and off on an incredible journey for God’s glory. Do join us- in spirit and in truth- and let’s experience the difference of a lifetime filled with adventure and joy! It’s time to excel in all we do and propel to the next level with God’s grace, power and might leading us along the way. As you celebrate Valentine’s, let your heartfelt appreciation and gratitude be not only to each other, but to God for His favor and unselfish love to us. Thanks and enjoy your week. With Happy Hugs and Warm Hearts, B.M.
No, this message didn’t come from one of my inspirational books or an email forward. This message was at the top of our weekly production schedule at work. The president of our company wrote this to us.
I was just as shocked as you are. It made my heart smile to read this. I was even more blowed by the fact that before we started our weekly staff meeting she led us in prayer. She being a beautiful, successful, Black woman of God who has turned a simple dream into a multi-level business that is cutting edge. Her reputation in the community and the nation is as sweet as a freshly picked mango.
I’ll admit, I had my reservations about her. It seemed to be deja vu all over again when i walked in to her office for the first time. Here I was again meeting with the head of a Black owned company. The female owner was promising me that if I proved myself after the first 3 months I could choose any position I liked and I could negotiate a better salary. Hmm. I had heard that before. Remember the Miami Times? Yeah. She never delivered on her promise and cussed me out after I had just worked my ass off planning and executing a job fair for the company.
But I had to let that go. I can’t expect to receive a full blessing if I’m still holding on to the past.
This week has been remarkable. Guess what? I write and create for a living.
For real. That’s what I do. When clients sign the contract we take care of their marketing needs. This week I wrote copy (wording) for a client who has a consulting business but she doesn’t have any literature to give to potential clients. She doesn’t have business cards or letterhead either. In 45 minutes I wrote her a brochure explaining her business and by the end of the day my copy was sent to Creative Services to be laid out onto an originally designed brochure with original artwork and logo.
I also wrote a media advisory for the National Traffic and Safety something or other. I basically had to encourage African Americans to buckle up for safety. We handle local and national marketing accounts, but our niche is targeting the Black community.
It’s a big beautiful building. It has been newly renovated with state of the art equipment. The first floor is a big open space with cubicles. My cubicle is about 6 feet wide and 8 feet long. The walls are about 5 feet high, and I’m 5’1″ so I can’t really see over them.
There’s a mixed crowd in the Communications Department where I work. There are whites, Blacks and Hispanic people and we all have different talents. The thing we all seem to have in common is a pleasant attitude. I’ve never seen so many people who just, are cool with each other.
Everyone pretty much works on their own. The projects are divided up with everyone taking a part. I may do the letter to the editor and the media advisory. Someone else does the PSA and the faith based letter, while others take their part.
The key word around our office is accountability. Every morning by 10am we all have to email our daily to-do list to the President of the company so she has a record of the projects we are working on. At the end of the day, we have to log on to our intranet system and log in all of our activities for the day. We have to account for EVERY MINUTE we were there and type in what projects we were working on and how long it took us.
We do this because at the end of the month, the computer adds up all the hours worked on the various projects and then it bills the client who pays an hourly fee for our services.
If I was allowed to go to work in my draws and a t-shirt, I wouldn’t feel more at home. But even in stockings and a form fitting dress skirt I am deliriously happy every morning I go in there because I know that I’ll be brainstorming all day and writing copy for various clients. All I do is think and write.
Ofcourse my first assignment went sour. She sent it back to me saying that I missed my mark completely. I was shocked. ~smile~ But it challenged me to step my game up and by the time I turned in my next copy she was congralulating me on a job well done. And then I did it again. And again.
I’m consistent with my work because I LOVE what I’m doing. How can I effectively communicate your message? You have something to say but don’t know how to say it? I can take care of that for you. I was BORN to communicate. Words are my heartstrings.
I know you won’t believe me when I tell you that opportunities are presenting themselves to me left and right. I almost cried at work today. Ok, I did cry. but I made sure to go to the bathroom so no one saw me. Honestly I’m so grateful. I’m so grateful to be able to work in Marketing.
I know it’s not a big deal but this is really FUN to me. It’s stuff I would do for my friends for free if they had businesses. It’s my PLEASURE. Not only is it PLEASURE, I’m getting paid. And I’m making more money than I’ve ever made in my life.
I’m kinda in shock about this week’s activities. I don’t believe I am this blessed and this happy.
A friend of mine called me last night to lecture me about how “crazy” I am in regards to Kanye saying, “Sometimes you take it too far. You see things in people that aren’t even there. You give people too much credit.”
What’s so wrong with that? I see people in a way that they don’t even see themselves. I see visions for them on a grand scale and I believe bigger and harder than most. Does that hurt anyone?
It almost blew my natural high but I realized that everyone doesn’t have my heart to uplift. I still don’t understand why my girl was telling me that, it was neither uplifting nor inspiring, but then again, she was high so who knows what was going on in her world.
All I know is that when the time comes for me to fully walk into my destiny, I’ll know who the chicks are who can see my vision and won’t try to stall my faith and my uniqueness. I know I don’t think like most people. I know I see things differently than the average person.
And that’s why I’m me, Ms. Tee.
Just as off the wall as I wanna be.
Heart Changes
It seems like writing this blog affects my life.
When I get up the nerve to admit one of my faults publicly I am forced to confront it and make a change. Last week I admitted to being a slutty whore who uses guys for sex and discards them afterwards because I’m afraid they’ll discard me if I don’t.
After I wrote that something happened.
So weird.
Something changed.
I don’t want to be like that anymore.
And so.. I’m not. It’s as easy as embracing a new attitude.
When I think about my past sexual encounters I realize that I was hunching men that I would NEVER consider being in a relationship with. EVERY MAN that I’ve had sex with for the past 5 years does not meet the criteria I have in my mind for my dream man. They don’t even meet HALF the criteria for my dream man yet I’m giving my body to them so freely.
Was I that desperate for a nut? Maybe I was. But the sad part is, I rarely got one. So I was allowing these men to use me for a quick body shiver and I got nothing in return.
I don’t want that anymore. I don’t want to have to convince myself to like someone or make excuses for them just so I can have some attention. If he ain’t all that then he ain’t all that. And I KNOW I want a man that is ALL THAT! I’m not gonna settle for less anymore.
I’m not gonna be anyone’s number 2 chick anymore. It is not exciting or cute to be the woman on the side. It’s not cute to be called at 1am for a quickie.
I am a lady. I am intelligent, pretty and personable. How could I have allowed so many idiots in my bed and between my legs.
I’m half way disgusted with myself.
Ughhhh…
I can’t believe that I thought I didn’t deserve better than that. I can have more than that. I am worth more than that.
This is some good p**** and any man that is lucky enough to partake will have earned his piece. I’m not short changing myself anymore. No man I’ve ever met is worth it. I have yet to meet a man who is up to par. If I have to be single for the rest of my life so be it.
I don’t want some regular dude. I want a man with a vision to change the world. I want a man who could appreciate me being by his side and in his ear propelling him toward greatness in every facet of his life.
Is that too much to ask?
It can’t be, otherwise God would not have given me the desire for it.
My heart was tested recently. One of the music biz guys half way flirted with me while we were doing business. I was a little confused, wondering if he was flirting or not. We spent time together and I played it cool. I looked at him as he told me, “You’re beautiful.”
I felt nothing.
No inclination to see how big he was or if he could handle a chick like me. I just smiled, thanked him and kept it moving.
I’m not interested in being a buffet anymore.
There’s a long selection process to get up in this piece.
~shrugs~
I can’t believe it myself.
He Inspires Me
Look what my baby drew for me!
He really blesses me…
Sit, Sip, Discuss
Remember to visit eWine and words for your monthly book discussion.
New book choices are up.
These Are The Breaks
Tomorrow is a holiday and my kids are out of school. Since I no longer work in the school system I have to go to work.
Dilemma.
No one is available to babysit.
I’m not on salary.
Which means: pay cut.
Excuse me while I wring my hands in frustration as I fight this feeling of embarrassment/helplessness because I don’t have help with my kids.
I only started this job a week ago and I’m already calling off because of my kids.
Damn.
The Good Life
Life has been going pretty much GREAT!
My sons are a handful but that is to be expected, after all they’re boys and they have ME for a Mama. I’m a handful myself so what else can I expect?
All day long I sit, think and write. Then when I get home I cook, bathe kids, talk a lil bit and put them to sleep. Then I sit, think and write some more. My work mirrors my play. Ain’t that funny?
I found a new website that I’ve fallen in love with. It’s called EmergingMinds. I have decided to contribute to the site and I think Yolanda should too. She has more opinions than anyone I know. ~smile~ The writers on that site are not amateurs which means that only a select few with a distinct style will get published.
I’ve also fallen in love all over again with two of my favorite bloggers, Sometimes Misunderstood and Slightly Chaotic. Of all the blogs I’ve ever read these two are consistent with the type of writing I love to read. They tell STORIES. They don’t try to incite a riot, teach a lesson, prove how intelligent they are or entertain us. They simply tell their life stories as plain as can be for us to enjoy and I do! EVERYDAY!
Regular lives fascinate me.
My regular life fascinates me too. Lately I’ve been feeling so good that I almost dreaded celebrating the feeling for fear something bad would happen and the joy would go away. Then I told myself that I can’t suppress my excitement in anticipation of pain. I have to enjoy every drop of this season of jubilation, so I am!
My job is still going great. Being creative for a living and doing it on the side is a bit much, but hey, I expect to be on the grind for a little while longer then ~poof~ things will slow down for me as I make more money for each writing assignment and have to do less pro bono work.
I saw Tamara and her man tonight. She arrived in town a few hours ago with her boyfriend who is F-I-N-E! I’d sure like to climb his tree! But really, he looks like every other boyfriend she’s had. I guess we never stray far from our ‘type’. I wonder what would happen if we ever did?
I don’t really have a type but I am usually attracted to short, nerdy looking guys with quirky personalities and strong resumes.
But my ideal husband would look like Ice Cube in the movie, Are We There Yet? Damn, he was so fine in that movie! I like a man with some meat on em. Hell, a lil chub on’em. Ok, I like big belly men. That way he’ll never be able to call me fat no matter how much weight I gain. And he’s nice and warm on cold winter nights.
I try to stay away from the subject of men but I’ll be damned if that’s not the only subject my friends want to talk about. I’ll listen for a few minutes then I’ll need to re-direct the conversation back to dreams and goals. These chicks are losing their minds worrying about when they are gonna get married. If they put half the thought they dedicate to men into preparing for their financial futures, they’d all be millionaires right now.
But I realize that everyone has their own priorities and I guess for the late 20 somethings like myself, getting married is on the list. It’s not on my list. Not yet anyway. I have to be very successful before I even consider it because the type of man I want to attract won’t be attracted to me right now. I think I’d have to be more spiritually in tune with God and myself and more established professionally because I’d like the man to have those same characteristics and we all know like spirits attract.
But sadly, for most women, a professional man with stability, financial security and a bright future is too much to hope for, even when they themselves have all those things. So they grab anything that gives them a second look because their biggest fear is being alone. They need that promise of eternal love to feel complete. They need that validation that approval because then they’ll know that they are okay. Someone wants them. They are worthy of love.
And I understand them to an extent.
Until I attain the vision that I have for my life, I will feel incomplete too.
I’m tired but I’m waiting for the clothes to finish spinning so I can throw them in the dryer and go to sleep. I should be writing one of the articles due this weekend but I wrote 2 last night and revised another so I was up pretty late and my body is feelin it.
I got another assignment with the Miami Herald ya’ll. They still haven’t published the first one but she told me she’d let me know when it would go in. I don’t care because it seems like I made the cut and am now a regular freelancer! Which means- MO MONEY, MO MONEY, MO MONEY!!!
See! No child support and I’m still gonna be alright. God always provides. He made a way for me to make more money than I was getting from their daddy and I don’t have to ask THE MONSTER for a thang.
Life is sweet and the cyle just stopped spinning so I’m off to get some rest.
Enjoy the pleasant moments without fear. You deserve happiness. I deserve it.
I’m gonna relish every second.
Butterflies
I had a heart to heart with my friend Tonya last night.
What am I saying? Most of my conversations are heart to heart convos. But this one was different because she was cussing me out about something I did/said to another friend of mine. When I say “cussing me out” I only mean getting on my case because she didn’t agree with my actions. It’s funny how I’m the one who told her the story. Most people will retell a story and flower it to make themselves look good but I try to be as accurate as I can.
After the convo with her I was upset and my mind wondered to 2005 and how I lost two friends of mine. No, they didn’t die, I just lost respect for them because of their actions and decided that it was no longer beneficial to be in their company. The sad part is, I miss the fun we had together but once trust is gone from a friendship, there’s really nothing left.
You have to be smart enough to move on at that point. If not, all you have is a phony relationship where both of you are always on the defense and waiting for each other to mess up. That’s not a friendship, that’s a war. We war with ourselves enough that we don’t need the same with our friends.
Then I started to think about who I am today and I must admit I’m very judgemental. I SAY I’m not but I really am. I have this strict system of right and wrong and if you cross those lines, well, I can’t really be friends with you. I lose respect for you and you can’t gain it back.
In my mind I can hear my sister saying, “What about forgiveness, Tee?”
Well, what about forgiveness?
I think I forgive the people who lose my respect but I won’t trust them again. Does my mistrust cancel out my forgiveness? Maybe. Maybe not. But that’s my heart right now and I’m sad to say that recently a few of my friends have crossed the line with me, not by doing me dirty, but by being themselves.
I had noticed these little idiosyncracies before but because I know I’m slightly crazy and messy and possessive and rude sometimes and annoying, I decided that I had to overlook them because I’m sure they forgive me on many occasions.
Now it seems like I don’t want to forgive. I’m like, “leave me alone, go find someone with limited dreams like you have and who won’t care that you lie sometimes and cheat sometimes and don’t value yourself.” When you have people around you who settle for less, they encourage you to settle for less too.
I don’t want people like that around me anymore.
So what do I do? Stop speaking to friends that I’ve had for years and years? Naw. I still love them, just like I still love the friends I lost last year due to mistrust. I’ll just love them from a distance.
Speaking of distance, Sylvia is leaving Miami. Yep, the chick met her a guy a while back and she’s in love and she’s moving to the city where he is so they can live together and have babies and stuff. I’d be a little more sad about her leaving if I wasn’t so busy. I haven’t seen Sylvia in months because I don’t have time to just parlay like we used to. I’m always writing or trying to make connections. Plus, every weekend she was traveling to see her man. Things shifted at the same time for us, which was a good thing. Neither one of us had time to miss each other.
I wonder what the future will bring. She was the only chick in Miami that I hung out with just doing nothing but watching TV. I don’t really watch TV though, but I wonder if there will be someone new in my life if I ever get some downtime.
Hopefully I won’t get any down time. Hopefully I’ll be so busy that hanging with friends or getting felt up by a man never crosses my mind.
Tomorrow is a really big day for me. I can’t believe I’m this nervous. I’m doing a trial run as a host for a digital network show. It’ll be me doing a Q&A with an industry leader. I drafted the script today and submitted it for approval. Tomorrow morning I do a dry-run and if she likes me I’ll tape the 5 minute episode in the afternoon.
I’m so scared. So scared. This is all happening so fast! It’s freaking me out. I sell myself a lot in life and on this blog and… on the real, I always deliver. But what if this time I’m not good enough?
Umm… yeah right. This is Ms. Tee. I can’t lose at this type of stuff. ~shrugs~ Well, I don’t understand why I’m so nervous then. If I KNOW I’m gonna be great because this is what I was born to do, then why am I freaking out? I keep expecting something bad to happen, but it hasn’t.
Today the VP of my division and I had a chat and she asked me how things were going. I told her that I am fine and that I am trying to be an asset to the company. She told me that she was impressed by the positive comments about my work that she saw consistently from our company president.
I shrugged and said, “I thought those were standard. I mean, I thought she says that to everybody.”
She raised her eyebrow and said, “No she doesn’t. Believe me. She doesn’t.”
I seem to be on a winning streak. But when you feel like you deserve to lose, it can be a hard pill to swallow.
I’m still healing ya’ll… I’ll be alright.
For All My RidersI started a yahoo group for all those riding with me. This group was designed to be my own Dream Advisory Group as I pursue my goal of becoming a World Inspiration Leader and bestselling author.You’ve walked with me so far, why not join me all the way. Anyone who joins this group should be willing to:a) assist me in developing story ideas for publicationsb) be interviewed as an opinion leader for my stories c) inform me about the important issues that are close to your heartI’m always looking for a good story idea and what better way to get them then to have a trusted group of people who don’t mind voicing their opinions or concerns.Members of this group will also receive discounts to my conferences and advance notice of my book sales and speaking engagements. These people who have chosen to “ride” will be the first to hear the good news as God positions me where He wants me to be.So come on, sign up. Share My Dream, by becoming an opinion leader in your city. I’ll need your help to impact the masses. I’m looking for opinionated people from all walks of life who are POSITIVE and HOPEFUL about the future. Negativity on any level will not be tolerated. I want this to be a group that uplifts each other as I strive to grow and uplift the nation.Any race, age, gender or sexual orientation welcome.I want to hear from you!Let’s RIDE!!!
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