Month: March 2005

One In A Million

What does this song remind you of?

Senior Year of Highschool.

Brand new pager w/voice mail option. I still remember the number -> 210-1425

Aaliyah playing in the background. My voice comes in trying to sound sexy and sweet. “Yeah…you got me. What are you gonna do about it?”

Happiness

You ever wake up from a good night’s sleep, stretch and smile to yourself- Then look over at the digital clock to see that it’s only 3:30 a.m. and you have 3 more hours till you REALLY have to get up?

You giggle, smile and then snuggle deep within your covers, hoping that good dream will continue where you left off…

That was me this morning and I’m still feeling those good vibes.

My Eyes Were Watching Michael Ealy last night!

Good Lord!

While my Mom, my sister and I were watching Oprah Winfrey’s television production of Zora Neale Hurtson’s Their Eyes Were Watching God, I think I fell in love again (Sorry Nick Cannon).

All I got to say is DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!

Now that was a GOOD movie!

It followed Janie, played by Halle Berry in her search for freedom of mind and spirit. Janie was beautiful, everyone recognized that, but she was held hostage by the stress of society and the expectations of women in her day.

Women were to be given to men, not being allowed to follow their hearts. Following this principle, at the fragile age of 17 she married an old ass man who she described as loking like, “a skull from the cemetary”. She married him anyway, at her Grandmother’s urging and soon found herself tucked away queitly, married to a man she found repulsive.

When she met up with slick talking Joe Starks, she left her wretched husband and followed him to Eatonville, a newly developing Negro town. After their arrival, the town flourished and their hard work earned them the stature that Janie always dreamt of as her husband was appointed Mayor of Eatonville. When her husband began to pressure her to “act like the Mayor’s wife” Janie felt sullen. He tried to hide her beauty from the watchful men by making her wear a headwrap to hid her beautiful hair. This stifled her personality and she was soon relegated to sitting on her porch by herself in a lonely but

After her husband died, she said she finally felt, “freedom”. She lived and worked alone in her big house until Tea Cake breezed into town. He was 12 years younger than she was, full of vigor, alcohol and sex appeal. The women warned her he was gonna be trouble, but Janie took a risk. She allowed herself to melt in the arms of the handsome young man and leapt at the chance to run away with him when he invited her. Amidst the sobering warnings of, “He gone take all yo money,” Janie held her head high and walked right out of Eatonville, leaving behind her home and her fortune to travel haphazardly with Tea Cake.

I must admit I was afraid for her. I was afraid Tea Cake would be just like all the other men who were captivated by her beauty and spirit and then tried to bottle her radiance like an imprisoned firefly. But he didn’t. He allowed her light to shine before them as they ventured through town after town, living off of the money he made and making passionate- make you squirm in your seat- love all over the place. She had finally found satisfaction in him.

Their love story doesn’t have a happy ending but her story does. The movie ended with her basking in the glow of her complete satisfaction while floating on her back in a river, eyes gazing toward heaven.

And my night had a happy ending as I drifted off to sleep, my mind full of mouth watering images of the delicious Mike Ely and those amazing eyes.

Tea Cake? Naw baby you’re a three course meal…

Who Want Some?

This is how it’s going down…

It’s gonna be Me.

Michael Ealy.

A pot of grits.

Some tweezers.

And a measuring tape.

Meet us on Ocean Drive at 11 pm this Friday.

Wear all black.

Bring a roll of quarters and some licorice whips.

21 and up please.

WOMEN ONLY!

We’re headed to the spot! LOL!

So Nervous

I sorta went out with a white man today.

Serious business for a chick who had so many issues with race.

The Photographer texted me around 10:30 asking me if he could take me out to lunch. Whoa. I met him on my first day at my school and we chatted a bit then he called me up and asked for my phone number.

We hadn’t really had a real conversation because he’s out of town for work a lot. He usually just texts me saying Hi and letting me know he’s thinking of me. Nothing deep.

After I received his text I called him back and he asked if he could pick me up around 12:30.

“Ok. I don’t have plans,” I respond.
“Great then!” He says with an accent. I can’t tell if it’s English or British or what. “I’ll see you soon. Ta, ta!”

It’s cold out in Miami and I can see my two “headlights” shining through my pink sweater. I close my jacket to hide my exposure. It’s also raining and I sigh with relief because I decided to wear my tan boots today instead of my usual open toed sandals.

I’m standing outside the basketball courts and wondering what this is gonna be like. I’m nervous and I’m curious and I remind myself that he’s just a man like everyone else.

For history’s sake, I HAVE been on a date with a white man before. This guy was my age though and I met him through my old church. We had a great time, my friends loved him and we’re still friends to this day. But I have some insecurities when it comes to white men and romance that dates back to my college days.

While I was going through my whole stupid, white-people-hate-me-and-are-out-to-get-me phase, I used to see a lot of bi-racial couples that were 100% black male and female. One day I was riding the bus and I looked to my left and saw a cute white guy sitting there. The reporter in me wanted to know so I intorduced myself and asked him, “Why do you think there are so many black men with white women and very few white men with black women?”

He looked at me and laughed. Then he explained, “It’s about social acceptance. We’re conditioned to think the epitome of beauty is NOT the black woman. Look at their hair. It’s all curly and rough. But not yours ofcourse. ( I was wearing a long weave at the time) And look at their dark skin. It gets all ashy and that’s not pretty. But not you, your skin looks great. And ofcourse their body type is too curvy. We’re taught from magazines and television that tehir type is just not attractive. So I don’t think most white men look at Black girls in that way.”

Mmm, hmmm.

I knew they thought we were ugly.

So I would see white guys that I thought were cute, but I knew that I was invisble to them. They never tried to talk to me or flirt with me so I figured the guy was right.

I carried this attitude for a long time and I must admit, I still don’t believe it has changed much.

So there I was, waiting for this older white man to come pick me up. I’m tapping my toe in the puddles of water and humming, “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot. Comin for to carry me hooommme…”

His truck pulls up and I hop inside and release my umbrella. He’s looking at me expectantly and smiling. Uh, am I supposed to hug him or something?

I raise my eyebrow and look away.

He pulls off and we’re driving down back streets and chatting. He’s a lot more attractive than I remember. He has a nice build and wild hair. “This is just practice for networking.” I tell myself. “If you can talk to him, you can talk to anyone.”

He tells me about his sons, who are 16 and 20. His ex-wife, who divorced him 2 years ago and his love for his work. His work has him traveling most of the year and he spends more time overseas than he does in this country. He used to own a home on the water but his wife got that that in the divorce, now he lives in a high rise on the beach.

I’m more relaxed than I thought when I realized that we’re driving in circles.

He begins to look nervous.

“Uh, I’m looking for this place. It’s quiet and nice. I just don’t know… I don’t remember where it is.” He’s not from this part of town, he lives on Miami Beach.

“That’s okay. If you can’t find it I’ll still have time to go back to school and have lunch there. It’s no big deal.”

He looks defeated.

“I’m sorry Ms. Tee. This is not how I usually work.”

“It’s okay.” I say as I guide him back to my school.

While we’re at a traffic light this black Monte Carlo with dark tints pulls up next to us. The driver rolls down his window and stares at us with a mean look. He’s a black guy, probably mid 20’s.

I raise my eyebrow and look over at The Photographer. He’s as puzzled as I am. I look back at the driver. He rolls his eyes and rolls up his window. A few seconds later he rolls down the window again to stare and grimace at us. Then he shakes his head and rolls the window back up.

The Photographer looks surprised. “Do I have something on my face?” he asks and laughs uncomfortably.

“I don’t think so, ” I respond and we both get quiet.

When we arrive back at my school he asks if he can make it up to me. I tell him I’m fine and that we hadn’t been gone that long.

Before I hop out of his truck he tells me that I am pretty. “Thanks.” I say and grab my umbrella. “Can I have a kiss goodbye?” he asks.

Oh shoot!

“Sure,” I say and allow him to kiss me on my cheek.

“Later,” I throw at him as I slam the door.

Whew… That’s over.

It wasn’t so bad.

The Worst Night Ever

Last weekend I was at home chillin like a lazy bum when my phone rings. The phone number on the caller ID is unfamiliar but I answer it anyway.

“Heyyy TEE!” a voice says with a giggle.

Huh? SYLVIA!

Ahhhhhhhhh!

Sylvia was the FIRST woman I met when I got to college.

She’s…different.

Ms. Sylvia hails from the luxurious city of Naples, Florida. She’s a mixed chick, her Mom is white and her Dad is black, but she’s mixed in more ways than one. LOL!

I must say this is one woman that I will never get tired of chilling with. She’s mad cool without being an airhead, she’s smart without being a nerd and there’s something about a person that has been right there growing with you, that makes me feel so grateful to know her.

Deja Vu’ all over again when I first came to UF. I went off to college knowing absolutely no one , (boo-hoo) and for some reason all I kept meeting were guys. The women were not as friendly. It was the second week of school and I got a call from a guy I had met named Orlando. He told me to meet him outside our dorm and we would walk over to Trusler Hall to meet a girl he knew. “Ya’ll both be talking about ya’ll don’t have know any girls, so I may as well introduce ya’ll,” Orlando said and then laughed. I walked over with him and smiled when I saw…Sylvia.

She was petite and cute like me, with a BIG smile and a cool personality. We exchanged numbers and to this day I consider her to be one of my closest friends.

It is amazing to sit and chat with her talking about college in the past tense. I remember we’d travel all over Florida together; enjoying partying, wildin’ out and the whirlwind of relationships that we’d hurricane through. We’d have memorable girls nights; I’d grab the crab legs, she’d come through with the Corona’s, we’d rent a movie and never get through it because we had so much to talk about. Man! The college life. It’s over. What’s next for us?

“Girl I moved back to Miami!” she screamed.

“Ahhh, we’re going out tonight!” I cooed.

She laughed. “Yeah, I wanted to go down to South Beach because I haven’t been in a minute.

I roll my eyes. I have. But oh well, each time down there is an adventure.

“Come pick me up now and we’ll hang out at your place and leave from there.”

She scoops me and we head west to her part of town. Her apartment is cute, but ridiculously overpriced. We sit on her bed and under a thick cloud of herbal essence we proceed to update each other on our lives.

I call my girl Melissa and tell her to be ready by 9pm. I tell my little sister too. Sylvia must have been too gone to hear me because by 9pm this chick was still painting her toes.

I am the most impatient person alive. And when Sylvia stands in front of the bathroom mirror for, no lie, ONE WHOLE HOUR, doing her MAKEUP, I’m about to stab her with her curling iron.

“I’m sorry Tee, I didn’t know you wanted to leave so early. These guys wanted to go with us and I told them we’d meet them after midnight.”

Ughhh.

My sister calls and tells me she’s not going anymore. Melissa calls and says the same. I know it’s way too late to find a parking spot on South Beach, and I’m irritated.

It’s almost midnight and she’s finally ready. I must admit, she looks great in a classy black tube dress and high heels, but damn, she should look like a STAR after taking 20 years to get dressed!

I know it’s cold out so I’m wearing some simple black pants and a cute red top with my staple jean jacket.

We meet up with the guys and as expected they’re not cute. But oh well, as long as they’re buying drinks I don’t care. We all roll out and we make it down to SoBe in record time. Ofcourse it’s almost 12:30 am. so theres no parking and we pull into this parking garage that is charging $15!

First of all, when I go out, I don’t expect to spend any money, but I bring $20 just in case. So I fork over my half of the money and we park. It’s FREEZING cold outside and the clubs are charging $20 to get in and free drinks all night.

Sorry, I’m not paying for a damn thing.

We finally find a club with no cover and we walk in. No wonder, there are maybe 8 people in there on the dance floor.

We order drinks and sip waiting for more people to come.

They don’t.

The guys we are with sit down and Sylvia asks me if I want to go to another club. I’m like, yeah.

She goes over to the guys and comes back to me. “They don’t have any more money to get into another club after paying for parking so I told them to stay here and we’ll be right back.”

They don’t have any money?!! WHAT?!!!

Q: What kind of man goes out with NO MONEY?!

A: The kind that will never see my face again.

We leave and go next door to the place that I called Chico Heaven last time I was there, Club Empire. No cover for the ladies, ofcourse we go in. It’s hot! Great crowd, good music. We order drinks and I’m ready to shake my booty when Sylvia grabs my arm.

“We can’t stay here long. As soon as I finish my beer we have to go back to the guys.”

“Why?” I ask. I can’t believe her, this is a great party.

“Cuz, I sorta left my keys and my cell phone with them and I don’t want to get seperated.”

I roll my eyes. THIS chick…

So we can’t dance. We’re just standing there on the second floor against the glass raling peering down longingly at the pulsating crowd while she drinks her beer.

We leave and head back to the free club and to the spot where we left the guys. They’re gone.

“I can’t believe they left. And since I don’t have my cell phone I don’t know their numbers to call them.”

“Use my phone, it’s almost dead but call your phone. Maybe they’ll answer.” I scream over the loud music.

I sit down on the white leather couches and wait.

She comes back to me and says she called her ex boyfriend and told him what happened and he said he was on his way. Her asshole of an ex boyfriend? I roll my eyes.

In the meantime it’s already almost 2am and I am so tired. I lie back and put my feet up as the crowd in the club gets thicker.

I can hear the party, but my eyes are so heavy that I can’t see it.

Sylvia comes up to me and says that he ex showed up but he wasn’t ready to leave so he told her to wait for him there and he’d be back to take us home. Whatever…

“I’m gonna go back out and check more clubs to see if they went in there,” she tells me and I cuddle back up in the corner of the sofa. I consider calling someone to come get me and I take out my phone. It’s dead. Thanks Sylvia…

I’m stuck at some club on South Beach at almost 3 in the morning with relatively no cash and no cell phone. And Sylvia has dissappeared in search of those missing broke guys.

Her ex never comes back to get us.

Sylvia shows her face again and nudges me. “Ok, how about we go back to the garage to check and see if they have left yet?”

The elevator is broken so we walk up five flights of stairs in the freezing cold and see that their car is still there. We then walk back down five fights of stairs in the 40 degree weather and walk the strip to see if we can find them.

We’re both in a pissy mood so we practically scream at the guys who are trying to talk to us, “LEAVE US ALONE!”

“Ok,” she says after a half hour, “It’s too cold out here, let’s go back to the garage and maybe they’ll be there soon.” I’m suffering but Sylvia is REALLY suffering. She is basically wearing nothing and the winds are ridiculous since we’re so close to the water.

We hike the 5 flights back up to the car and we stand there and wait. And wait.

And wait.

And freeze.

And wait.

She pees in a corner of the garage.

We wait some more.

I ain’t never going nowhere with this chick again.

I kick their car, leaving a scratch. I take out my lipstick and write all over their windows.

“Tee, don’t take it out on them, you should be kicking my car, not theirs, I’m the IDIOT who left my keys with them.” Sylvia says while crouching behind the car, trying to shield herself from the wind. “Just go Tee.” she encourages me. “Just call someone and leave me here. I’ll be fine.”

“Just shut the hell up! I’m not leaving you here in the cold by your damn self!”

We wait.

We wait.

The parking garage is slowly emptying. One by one we watch as the cars leave. We stand there and wait. We ask the time. 4:45. Oh good, the clubs close at 5. They’ll be here soon.

We eventually walk back down the five flights of stairs and onto the street. I see two guys walking toward us. “That’s THEM!” Sylvia says.

I walk away. I’m headed back to the garage, back up the five flights of stairs.

When I walk up two flights and I don’t hear them behind me I get worried.

I walk back down to see Sylvia scream and grab her phone.

“What the FUCK is going on?” I scream at them.

“Chris (her ex) ran into the guys earlier and he TOOK MY KEYS!”

I want to cry.

The guys can see I’m pissed. Sylvia is calling and calling her ex but he doesn’t pick up his cell phone. She’s screaming all kinds of obscenities into his voice mail.

When we get back to their car they don’t say anything about the lipstick.

They drive me home. I slam the door without saying goodnight.

The next day I wake up at 3 p.m. and my Mama says that Sylvia came by to drop off my purse which I left in her car.

“That girl is so dramatic,” my Mama says. “She walked up to the door with her head hanging low and she kept apologizing over and over again, telling me to tell you she’s sorry. Lookin like a simp. Boy I tell you, you can sure tell she’s one of YOUR friends…”

Yeah, she’s my friend alright.

~smiling~

Never a dull time with this chick. ~laughs~

But I’m sure we’ll hang out again.

Chain of Fools

Ok.

So I know I have short hair, a relatively deep voice and a sex appeal that is unmatched by most. And I know, I’m guilty, I check women out on a regular basis.

But dammit I am not gay!

I am so embarrassed, humiliated and perculated.

This BITCH felt me up last night…

~crying~

I feel violated.

For real ya’ll. I know I talk a lot of mess. I know I act like I’m all superfreaky but with women, it’s look but don’t touch. I am disgusted. Utterly. I honestly didn’t know I’d react like this but man, I feel like crap.

~shakes head~

And to those I drunk-called late last night, I’m sorry. I just had some things I really needed to say. Now I’m wondering, uh, what exactly DID I say?

Damnnnn…I’m such an idiot.

Today SUCKS!

Because I was so tired from last night, although we got in before midnight, I drank a Coca-Cola to kinda wake me up.

Anyone who knows me knows that I do not tolerate caffeine well. I am shaking like I just got arrested! I hate this jittery feeling and it won’t leave. And to think I drank only half the bottle.

I’m in a pissy mood. Ruby called me leaving some weird message on my phone. I’m pissed off because of last night and that HOE! I’m also very high strung today. Like a time bomb. Anything is likely to make me go off. Or cry.

I’m sensitive right now. I’m mad right now. I’m hot right now. I’m sad right now. I’m wearing a cute outfit today though. Damn I need a haircut.

I have so much WORK to do! It NEVER ends! ~gasp~

I wanna scream! I wanna kick someone! I wanna cuddle…

I need this damn caffeine to get out of my system or I’m gonna crash.

Deep Cuts

I cut my right thumb on Sunday afternoon. A deep cut that still bleeds now and then and still hurts like hell. I was just trying to cook a dinner for my sons and now I feel like I’m crippled.

Have you ever tried to start the ignition of your car without using your thumb?

Have you ever tried to spank your child without using your thumb?

Try tieing a shoelace.

Try using a lighter.

Try locking your front door with a key.

Try dialing your cell phone.

Yeah. You don’t think about it much but your thumb is so vital to everyday life. Often taken for granted until it’s gone. Like a lot of things in life.

Your car keeps acting up and costing you so much money in repairs. But what would you do without it?

Your family frustrates you like no one else can. But what would you do if they were all gone?

You never call your friend. “She’s doing okay.” you tell yourself. But what if the next time you call her you find out that she’s gone forever?

I’m trying to be more appreciative of the positive people I have in my life. And those people crazy enough to call themselves my friends. I don’t want to take anyone for granted, because now I know how important everyone is to the whole puzzle that is my life.

I’ve also been doing some deep thinking. As usual.

I’m trying to figure out just what I like, who I am and how to accept those things.

I’m working through my Quarter Life Crisis and sometimes I just don’t know.

But I’m going to attempt to figure it all out.

And even if I never do, I’ll be okay knowing that I tried with all my heart. I loved with everything in me and I dared to dream beyond my own limitations.

Opportunities

I’m at my office this morning when my phone rings. I’m in a chipper mood despite recent happenings in my life.

“This is Ms. Tee!” I chirp.

“This is Polly!” the voice announces.

“Ahhhhhh! POLLY!” I scream and then realize that I’m at work.

“Oh my gosh,” I squeal into the phone. “Let me calm down. This is such a great surprise! Such a weird feeling. My past meeting my present! Wow!”

Polly laughs and tells me to calm down.

I smile uncontrollably and laugh again.

Polly is my former Director. I was her assistant when she was the Director of Corporate Support for the PBS affiliate in Gainesville. I had a great time while working there, she taught me a lot and even though she has now become a big shot as the VP of Development for 9 PBS affiliates in Alabama I think of her as my friend and we still keep in touch. She has become a mentor to me.

“So, I got this email from ya, and I decided to go ahead and give you a call. You had me a little worried asking for prayer,” she says.

“I’m sorry about that. I’m just a little nervous. Like I said in my e-mail, next month this woman and her husband are hosting a party that my job is having and I want to make a good impression. I get nervous around people who are where I want to be and I sometimes clam up because I don’t want it to look like I’m desperately looking for another job.”

She giggles. “You’re always looking for another job!”

“You know it.” I say seriously. “I’m going places! But seriously Polly you can not imagine the type of people I meet in this position. Just the other day the VP of Ocean Drive magazine comes in for a meeting with my Director. And a former mayor of Miami came in the same day. We had a producer from Channel 7 here in my office and one of our Trustees is a VP over at PBS down here. I talk with her all the time.”

“Wow,” Polly says. “It seems like you are in a great environment to meet the people who may be able to help you pursue a career in the media. But relax, it’s not that difficult. When you meet someone, just be yourself and give them a compliment. When you met the woman from Ocean Drive, all you had to say was, ‘I really like what you and your team are doing over there. I love your magazine.’ Just be brief and be sincere. Everyone loves compliments and you love asking questions and EVERYONE loves to talk about themselves. Just start with a compliment and a question.”

“Whoa, You’re right Polly. I just get so nervous. I need to compliment more. I need to speak up and let them know that I am interested in what they are doing.”

She goes on to update me on what’s happening in her world. She’s looking forward to her first trip to Vegas for a convention and her family is doing great.

When we hang up I smile to myself. I am so excited about what I do in Development and it’s a field that Polly has done extremely well in. But now I need a new mentor. Someone in Miami with a lot of knowledge and a few connections and I was hoping to meet someone soon.

Having a mentor is extremely important and building friendships with them is a sure fire way to help you get where you want to go. I’ve been hoping to meet someone in Miami but I haven’t yet but maybe it just wasn’t my time.

Where do you wanna go Ms. Tee?

I don’t exactly know. I just know that I have a vibrant personality and I like to smile, talk, be in front of crowds and help people. I am a good writer and I love to talk about personal issues and offer words of comfort. I also like to teach and uplift.

My girl Donni over at Words In The Rough, suggested I become a personal success coach which was an EXCELLENT idea. But then I think that I have to be a little more successful and stable than I am right now so that I can truly be an EXAMPLE of someone who made it.

So as I continue to meet so many successful people through my place of employment I ask God to guide me into the next phase of my life and allow those He wants to help me to take an interest in me.

I’m genuine and I’m sincere and I’m honestly willing to work hard.

All I need is a helping hand and an opportunity.

Wish me luck!