My Personal Blog from 2003 to 2011
Wow.
Life is:
Full of surprises
Ever changing
Hectic
Joyful most days
Fun
Crazy
Scary
Life is…what you make it.
I’m ok everyone. Just going through a rough patch but still remaining upbeat about things knowing that every adverse situation creates an opportunity.
I’ll let you know where this opportunity leads.
Stay tuned…
Love,
Ms. Tee
Well, well, well.
This has turned out to be an interesting weekend so far. My sons are actually GONE for two days with their Dad and as usual I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m so used to just sitting here playing on the net and talking on the phone.
But yesterday I called my girl Dianna and told her I wanted to go out. Dianna says, “Well, I have a date tonight, but I’ll ask him to bring a friend for you and we’ll double.” I kinda laugh and shrug cuz I don’t really believe I’ll be going out with a guy. After all, you all know, I DO NOT date.
In fact, for the past two years, dating seemed to be the biggest sin to me. I was waiting patiently for a husband to appear out of thin air and I figured any attraction to a guy would absolutely mess that up. So I just chilled by myself believing that God had someone all picked out for me who would just show up at my door like the pizza delivery man and offer me a ring. How naiive I was.
So Dianna calls me around 7 pm and tells me to be ready at 8, she has a date for me. I kinda laugh to myself and have fun getting ready, you all know getting dressed to go out is so much fun. When Dianna comes to pick me up she is looking ravishing in a smart pair of jeans and white top. Chocolate brown belt, purse and matching 3 inch heels accentuate the outfit and I roll my eyes at her. She’s very tall and thin and since I’m only 5’1″ i feel like a little kid next to her.
But ofcourse I’m looking cute too. So, Im not worried, well, not a lot. On the way to Broward County to meet the guys I turn down the radio and say to Dianna, “Girl, I’m scared. I haven’t spent time with any new guys in so long, much less a date. I’m just gonna be quiet and not say a thing, and if he’s ugly, after we eat, we can make up an excuse and go home.”
Dianna laughs and agrees, “Fo sho chick. If that nicca don’t pay for your plate, we’ll get up and walk out of there and leave them to take the bus home!”
Dianna’s phone rings and it is her date, Demetris, questioning her about me. I just sat there laughing. Dianna is starting to get annoyed, “Don’t worry about how she looks! She is fine, you better make sure your boy is presentable…..She’s 25. How old is he?…21?….Ohhhh….Well, we’ll be there in a minute.”
So, we pull up in front of this cute little house and my blind date is standing there to greet us. Surprise, surprise! Brother is fine! He’s all dark chocolate and muscular with a nice smile. He looks kinda shy. I smile at Dianna. Damn girl… Is that for me?
I step out the car and extend my hand. “Hi. I’m Ms. Tee.” I say. “Hi. I’m Greg. Come inside.”
Ofcourse once we get inside Dianna’s boy Demetris comes out to check me out and say Hi. Lights get turned on and I’m standing there like a model on a runway, just posing. I know I’m cute. LOL
But I’m still nervous. When I first moved to Miami I was out with Anna and this guy named Chilly Willy tried to talk to me. Anna encouraged me to call him and I did but it was so awkward that I never called him again. I mean, what am I supposed to talk to you about? I don’t even know you.
That’s why I don’t give out my phone number to anyone. If I don’t already know you, you’re pretty much out of luck.
But anyway, we all pile in Dianna’s car and ride out to do the typical first date thing: miniature golf. 18 holes later, we’re all laughing and talking and I’m feeling very comfortable with Dark Chocolate. I love me some black men! In fact I’m very surprised that he pretty much fits the mold of the guys I like. He’s young, (21 is a prime age), well-built, dark-skinned and in college. He’s also a sweety, carrying my club for me, making all kind of nice compliments and basically saying all the right things. It turns out that he plays football for his college.
After playing around the golf course, Dianna’s date, Demetris got the lowest score so he had to wear Dianna’s heels and parade around the lobby of Boomer’s. Everyone was laughing at him and we made sure to whoop it up to draw attention to this crazy guy in heels and football socks!
We then drove to Downtown Hollywood and enjoyed the music coming out of the cafe’s while we ate some pizza and chatted a bit.
One of the most uncomfortable parts of the night was when I was asked, “Do you have any kids?” I honestly haven’t dated anyone since I had my sons so I don’t know how men would react to me telling them that I have two sons. I sometimes feel like it takes my stock down, but I can’t be dishonest. Maybe there is someone out there who won’t mind being with someone with children. I don’t know. But I’m not looking for a man, just a little fun while my sons are away.
We end the night on Hollywood Beach. Greg and I are talking and enjoying the beautiful scenery. I’m giving him my usual dose of encouragement about life, school and growing up. I like younger guys because they are so eager to please and Greg is no exception. At the end of the evening I give him my phone number and he promises to call soon.
I get home around 3am and I miss my wake up call to go to my girl’s graduation in Tampa. When I finally wake up, I call my girl Nadia and she tells me that she and our sorority sister Sandra have been on the road for two hours already. Man…
I sleep most of the day. I didn’t realize I was so tired. I awake to my phone ringing and it is William. Let me tell you about William.
I’m at work at the newspaper and I get this phone call.
“Hi. This is Ms. Tee.” I answer.
“Um… I hope I’m not being too forward but is this the Ms. Tee that graduated from Miami Jackson, class of 97?”
“Yes, and who is this?”
“This is your prom date.”
Ohh… “Um, Koala Bear?”
He laughs. “Yes, it’s me William.”
It turns out he saw my name in the paper and called me up to say Hi. He said he had often thought about me over the years and he is glad I am back in town. Koala Bear was the name I gave him back in the day cuz he was cute like a little Koala Bear.
Koala Bear was really cute. Even before everyone went afro crazy he had this amazing afro. He is mixed with Dominican and Black and he is adorable and younger than I am. We chat a bit and he asks for my number so I give it to him and we promise to get together soon.
I don’t know if I really want to do that though. I remember he liked me a lot but I was too busy to give him much of my time. We sorta went to prom together and he wrote in my yearbook that he loved me.
Actually, a few guys wrote that in my yearbook in some sort of last ditch effort to get my attention. Oh well…
Dianna just called me to come meet her at her house so I have to go get ready. It’s a rainy day in the MIA but maybe I’ll have another story to tell tomorrow.
Later…
Kids say the darndest things…
It’s really rainy in Miami this time of year and tonight it started thundering and lightening. My sons ran to my mother and said:
“Grandma it’s thundering.”
“Awww baby,” my mother replied. “Grandma’s gonna have to sleep with ya’ll tonight?”
My four-year-old son replies, “No.”
“Well. Your Auntie gonna have to sleep with ya’ll tonight?”
“No.”
“Ya’ll Mama gonna have to sleep with ya’ll tonight?”
“No.”
“Why not?” My mama asks.
“Cuz we not going to sleep.”
Welcome back boys.
I’ve gotten a few questions about what sorority I was involved with in college.
Well. It wasn’t one of the divine nine. I was a member of Gamma Sigma Sigma National Service Sorority. I met some great women, who were really cute, smart and loved service.
It was a wild experience, but one I do not regret a bit.
Much love to my sisters of the Epsilon Upsilon chapter.
Our experiences together made us who we are today.
Love,
Tee
also known as K.I.A.COM (Know-it-all-dot-com)
#3
Pledge Class 28
A few chants and songs I wrote for us while we were pledging! We had to sing to our big sisters to convince them that we were worthy to be a part of their sorority. LOL My line sisters all thought I was a nut!
Wee-Wee-Wee
Wee- Oop!
Wee-Wee-Wee
We too cute!
They’re sweating us
You wonder why
We’re service and
We’re supertight
My sisters in Maroone & White
Wee-Oop
If you’ve seen the light!
To the tune of Lauryn Hill’s You’re just too good to be true
You’re just too good to be true
Can’t take my mind off of you
So out of reach I can’t touch
And I wanna be one so much
I’m working hard to survive
Until that day has arrived
You’re just too good to be true
Can’t take my mind off of you
I love you GAMMA
Oh yes you’ve got it right
I love you SIGMA
That sweet maroone & white
I love you SIGMA
Trust in me when I say I do
Oh GAMMA SIGMA
Won’t let you down I pray
Oh GAMMA SIGMA
Through work, study and play
Just let me
Be down
I’ll wait with patience
Please say OKAY
To the tune of Usher’s You Make Me Wanna..
You make me wanna be a GAMMA SIG
Look at you
Dag, you’re so cool
With sisterhood too
Think about a pin (pledge pin)
And all the things that come along with…
You make me.. You make me…
The Encounter
Here he comes
Flashlight shining
Eyes squinting
Maliciously looking
For some ill intent
So innocent
Are we
Sitting quietly
In the dark
In the park
Trying to talk
Not at fault
No cause for this
Rough talk
Question my friend
Again and again
Run our ID’s
And we freeze
As three more cars
Circle us
Lights shining
We hear them laugh
As we stand
Frozen
In the spotlight
Hearts pounding
Wondering if
Tonight will be our unlucky night
Man, we’re no threat
How bored can you get
No big deal to you
Your authority shields you from the permanent impression
An incident like this causes
Behind the badge you can’t see
You can’t feel
You can’t understand
Years worth of pain
Of being victimized
Of being internalized
To believe
That po-po’s aren’t there
To protect me
But to lie on me
To frame me
Shake me
Take my people away
I try not to hate
But I can’t embrace
The man who shines the light in my eye
Makes me explain myself
When I know I’m doing right
Kills my night
The bright light doesn’t care
If your heart is to save the world
The bright light doesn’t care
If you have a degree
It exists
To distress
Your peacefulness
My heart can’t rest
But I do get to sleep
Eventually
Just another round
For the man with the bright light
But for me
Those scars
Run hella deep
I think it’s time to let you all know what’s been going on with me. I’ve been going through a rough patch, yes, I know I told you all before. But it’s a little more rough than you would expect.
About two weeks ago I was working hard, planning my job fair for the newspaper. We have a large turnover because of “personality conflicts” with the management. I usually work about 50 hours a week, but that week I worked over 60 hours because I wanted my event to be on point, just like I want everything that I am involved with to be.
The day for the job fair came and just as I imagined everything went extremely well. I was so proud of myself and the staff and everyone was pleased with how smoothly things ran. I hosted the event and when it was all done all I wanted to do was sleep.
My publisher called me into her office and congralulated me on my event. She slipped me a $100 bill and told me to get myself something nice. She also told me that she would be treating the entire staff to dinner that evening at Houston’s (a nice restaurant on the water) to celebrate our success.
I was extremely pleased that my work was recognized but I was really looking forward to my paycheck the next day when my publisher, who had promised me a raise said that she would “surprise me” and give me just what I deserved.
The next day I worked hard, filling in for our missing receptionist as well as handling my own workload. At the end of the day when my paycheck was handed to me I was shocked. My publisher had set my salary at $21K a year.
My eyes began to blur. $21K. Didn’t I work my butt off for two months for this raise? I hadn’t even seen my sons for 3 days straight because I was working overtime for the paper. Don’t I operate in the most professional of work manner, motivating those around me to excel? Didn’t my hard work and dedication mean anything to her?
I guess not. I guess she didn’t really care when I told her that I don’t get support from my children’s father for living expenses. There’s no way anyone can live decently in Miami on $21K with two kids. Am I destined to live the same life I grew up in? Will my kids have to grow up in the projects like I did, dodging bullets on the way from school?
I waited until the boys had eaten dinner to give her a call at home. She had given me her phone number and told me to call if I ever needed to talk.
“Hello. Did I call you at a bad time?”
“No. What’s up?”
“I just want to know if you have been dissappointed with my work. Am I not performing up to your expectations?”
“Why are you asking me this?”
“Because I just got my paycheck and you said you would surprise me, but I wasn’t expecting this. I can’t live on this pay?”
“Well, you know what? You just got here and I can’t be paying you all kinds of money like that. Besides, I just gave you a hundred dollars in your hand! If that’s not enough for you then you have to do what you have to do! You’re very aggressive and sometime’s that a good thing, but right now you’re going overboard! And you know what if you want more, you can just kiss my ass!”
She hangs up.
I sit there stunned, looking at the phone in my hand.
Kiss my ass.
Kiss my ass.
I pour out my heart for you. I implement structure into your business and take on so many different jobs, just because you promised me i would get what I deserved. I work so many hours to make you look professional and you pay me a slave wage and tell me to kiss your ass.
It took me the whole weekend to decide what I was going to do.
On Monday I called in sick. My lil sister said that was a punk move. But I had a plan. I faxed my resume out to everyone I could think of and went and re-visited those companies that I had made contacts with before to give them an updated copy of my resume. Which, by the way, is OFF-THE-CHAIN with all of the experience that I gained working at the newspaper. My stock has gone up.
By Tuesday I called in again, because I had already set up three interviews for the week.
I went back to work on Wednesday morning. I was nervous. I hate negative confrontations. But I smiled and went to my office. I blinked twice. Someone had been rifling through all of my files and my computer’s hard drive had been completely torn out. What the…?
The publisher was not in yet, so I asked the office manager what had happened and she said she didn’t know. I reminded her that I had an orientation to give that morning to a new employee and she told me to just recreate the information on another computer. What?
I got through the orientation as best as I could without my files that were stored on my computer. I was handling personnel all by myself until I could find a decent assistant. After I set the new employee up at her station I went to my office and sat down, wondering what I was going to do without my computer, which I called The Lifeline. All of my projects were stored on there.
The office manager came back to my office and asked me to hurry up and go through the fat stack of applicants from the job fair and decide who I wanted to call back. I had to finish grading the tests from all of the applicants and then sort through them to refer the outstanding applicants to the publisher.
THEN, she wanted me to draft a letter to all of the applicants thanking them for coming to our fair. I told her that I had already written the letter and if they had not taken apart my computer, then they would have it. She just told me to write it over again and to hurry up because I had receptionist duties for five hours that day. What the…?
I walked outside. I called Mimi from my cell phone and I talked to her for a minute. As usual she didn’t tell me what to do. She just told me that I had to stick by whatever decision I made and roll on.
I hung up with her, took a deep breath and walked back inside. I could not give one more minute of my professionalism to such an organization that does not care about me, my family or my hard work.
I asked for a resignation form, filled it out and left.
I cried in the car on the way home. How could I tell my mama that I had quit my job? I have two kids. I felt like a loser.
I couldn’t help but wonder how all this could happen. I did the right thing. I served the Lord. I worked hard to excel beyond my company’s expectations because I loved working hard. If I did the right thing all this time, how could I be so unnappreciated and disrespected?
Maybe there is just something about me. Maybe this whole dream of changing the world and uplifting millions will remain that, just a dream. Maybe I just suck.
After my pity party, I got up and went at it, applying for jobs non-stop. I’m not completely broke but I’m almost there. My kids won’t go hungry though. We’ll be alright.
Some people say my standards are too high. They say my expectations are off base. But I know what I am worth and I know it is NOT $21K. I am valuable. I am ambitious. I can do anything and I can make any company better just by my presence.
Someone will be lucky to have me.
Until I find that place. I’m sitting here. Unemployed. Living with my mama. With my two kids.
~sigh.
Ya’ll know what? I am scared.
But I know me. And I have faith. And I have skills.
Like I said before. Adversity propels you to make a decision. You can sit there in misery because you don’t think you deserve better, or you can take a chance and go for what you deserve. I choose not to wonder what would have happened if I had given my all.
I’m going to go for mine right now.
Let’s see what happens.
No one ever got what where they wanted to be without taking a risk.
Love,
Ms. Tee
Wheww…
I’m so relieved to finally get all of that out of my system. It’s tough going through things when you feel like you have to hide it. Thanks everyone for your encouraging words. I really needed that.
Today I went over to my storage unit that has all of the stuff from my old apartment. I have decided that the best thing to do is get rid of all of my stuff so I won’t have to pay the storage bill. I can’t afford it. So, Im giving away all of my furniture, which isn’t worth much anyway. The only thing that hurts to give up is my bed. It was my virgin bed. Bought it brand new and top of the line. I never had sex in it. No man had ever even touched it before. I rarely even slept in it after I bought it because I like to sleep on the couch. But there’s no room here for any of my things so I’m giving it all away.
My sister ransacked my storage unit, taking a lot of the decorations that I had and pictures and my georgeous mirror. ~sigh.
I guess I’m just making room for better things cuz everything I had before will be gone by this weekend. I’m starting all over guys. Next time I move, it’ll just be me and my boys and an air mattress.
oh boy…
This is scary. But I know we’re gonna make it through.
Stay tuned tomorrow when I give out Ms. Tee’s Blog Awards.
Love ya!
Ms. Tee’s Blog Awards
This internet culture has provided us with an avenue to share our hearts with strangers across the globe. It is our daily entertainment, our source of comfort and serves as a platform for our ever changing opinions.
I don’t usually blog hop, I rarely come across good blogs that way. But the people who have happened to come across my blog have found some reason to come back and I appreciate that.
I would like to say THANK YOU as you come back each day to Share My World. I not only find your presence delightful, I have a lot of fun reading about the little things in your lives that thread together to make you the person that you are.
So, without further hesitation, here’s my shout out to my circle of friends who love to blog as much as I do.
The Wild Child Award goes to Wildly_Sophisticated. This chick is the craziest one on my blog list. You never know what to expect when you click her link. I also peg her as Most Likely to Confuse You, because one minutes she’s praising the Lord and the next she’s scheming on getting some booty. Whatever it is that’s on her heart, I can’t stop going back again and again to laugh at her silly behind as she tears up Atlanta.
The Shhh..Don’t Tell Anyone I Read This Award goes to Let Me Breathe. This sista knows she is too much! I was just happily checking up on her until one day I clicked this link called FTBU and I almost fell out! This chick is a preacher’s wife who loves to write soft erotica! How interesting is that?! She often has me falling out of my chair as she describes..well, you know what soft erotica is. I’m putting her on blast because she is one of my favorites to read but I blush everytime I go to her spot. I affectionately call her The Quiet Storm cuz sista will blow you away with her tight writing skills.
The Down For Whateva Award goes to Pour Out My Heart. What single mother do you know who is honest enough to share her hopes, insecurities and faith but will also ride out with you to “whoop some azz”? If you’re trying to get your mind right and focus on God, If you’re trying to make something positive out of your life or if you just want to laugh at her as she tries to find Mr. Right, Bren has the just the right recipe for you.
The I’m So Tight I Will Only Blog If I Feel Like It Award goes to Phase II. I’m constantly clicking her link hoping to see a new post, but everytime it’s like she’s laughing at me and saying, Psyche-a-berry! She knows she’s a good writer and I’m always interested in what God is doing in her life, but dang sista u need to update more than twice a year. Now that she’s moved to California, maybe she’ll be more consistent, or maybe not. Either way, I’ll keep checking up on her as she battles law school and life on the West Coast. I don’t think Cali’s ready for this ghetto queen with brains.
The Cute Guy In Miami Award goes to Sometimes I’m Just #6. One time for my boy D who reminds me so much of myself it’s scary. Mix music, college and a love for technology and you’ll have just an inkling of what makes #6 so special. Maybe one day in the near future he’ll share with everyone just why Sometimes He’s Just #6. It’s a very interesting story.
The Once You Pop You Can’t Stop Award goes to Jamille’s Views. I read this young man’s blog JUST ONCE and I never stopped. With a healthy mixture of strong opinions, knowledge of what’s going on the world and random silliness, you’ll either love him or want to strangle him. Either way, I dare you to try him and not keep going back for more.
The Life is Great Award goes to Infinite Possibilities. This chick is just living it up as a recent grad school graduate taking on the world as she tries to make her mark. Life is delicious for Sista Dread and when I need a dose of pure joy, I always float her way.
The Twin Sister Award goes to Words In The Rough. I remember a while back when Donni and I seemed to be going through exactly the same things at the exact same time. It was really scary to read a post that exactly mirrored something you had just written, but it comforted me that I wasn’t alone in this battle to stay afloat in Christ. She’s the real deal folks.
The Damn He’s So Professional Award goes to Jackson G. Tickle. As much as I like to think that I am in a class by myself as far as my writing skills go, Jackson G. blows me out of the water. If he plays his cards right, this young man can make lots of money with his ability to articulate his thoughts in such a distinctive manner. Much respect.
The How Can I Be Down Award goes to Just Writin’ Life. Anyone can tell that Yolanda makes a living with her ability to express herself. I’m often impressed by her writing skills and sista knows she has a talent for bringing subtle social observations to light. I just wanna know, Can I be on your team? Can a sista be down?
The You Gotta Love Him Award goes to Mac’s Vibes. Sweetwood Mac, the most adorable man on the net. Nuff said.
Whatever the reason why people can’t get enough of you guys, don’t ever stop blogging. It’s your stage. It’s your time. It’s your voice. Say something worthwhile.
Love Ya All,
Tee
Today is my son’s fourth birthday.
Last weekend his dad took him and his brother to Disney World. Yesterday his grandmother took both boys to the Metrozoo.
Today I took him and his brother right on over to Chuckie Cheese for some games and pizza. I bought him a balloon with a picture of a football, soccerball, basketball and a baseball on it. He loved it! He carried that balloon with him all day. Man… imagine being delighted by something as inexspensive and simple as a balloon. If only all of our desires were this uncomplicated…
You know what I realized? A relationship with God is not supposed to be as difficult as we make it. I believe He wants us to love Him and love others. Please God and bless others. It’s that simple. But we, trying so diligently to overachieve, place all of these man made rules on ourselves. We live by standards concocted by our Pastors, our parents and those we admire and we never allow ourselves to experience the fullness of Christ’s love for us because we are measuring ourselves against this seemingly unattainable standard.
I’m not saying, do your thang and live by the “God knows my heart, even though my actions don’t line up” train of thought. What’s in your heart should show through your actions. Good intentions don’t really amount to much.
Wow. Through this time of waiting and trusting God for provision for my family I also realized that my focus had been diverted because of my job. I had not taken a moment to reflect on His love for me and His desire for my relationship with Him. I was too busy being busy.
But not anymore. Ms. Tee is back. The same woman who considered God more than she considered anything else. Don’t get caught up, like I did, in pursuing your passion, that you forget who gave you the gift you are operating in.
If you have not found your gift, don’t worry. There is a purpose for you. There is a need for you to fill. It doesn’t have to be as openly recognized as someone elses. Your gift might be to be a good friend to someone else. Your calling may be to be a listening ear.
Whatever it is that you are good at, just do it. And do it well. In the meantime, while you are waiting for your big break, thank God in advance for every day you awake. It’s a simple blessing that most overlook.
Every day you have breathe is another day you can start over.
Much Love…
Said to me by my lil sister:
“The Man is supposed to make the coffee. It even says so in the Bible!”
“Where?”
“Hebrews.”
Girl, please…