My Personal Blog from 2003 to 2011
Yay! I’m so excited! I finally got my new weblog up and running. I specifically made it for all of you who would like to read the weekly column that me and my co-columnist write.
He is very controversial but I am sure you will enjoy his writing style. Feel free to comment as he will be monitoring the blog as well and we would both love to hear what you think.
Here’s the link.
ENJOY!
As we mature it seems like we are so caught up by others perception of us that we can not really be ourselves. We worry about what our parents think. We worry about what our Pastors think. We worry about what our significant others think and we make ourselves into this fake person that is always trying to meet up with their expectations.
Before we know it we’re 50 years old and we realize that we wasted so much time trying to be well-behaved for others that we missed out on living for ourselves. We then become very bitter and unhappy.
That’s why it’s hard to get an old person to do something that they don’t want to do. An old person will tell you NO in a heartbeat and keep on walking. They will wear gray sweat pants every day and socks with sandals. We laugh at them and call them old fashioned but we are the ones running out buying the latest trends, even if we don’t like them, trying to impress people.
Old people are FREE! They eat icecream when they want to. They take up hobbies and go on long trips to the grocery store, just because.
Don’t wait until you are old to begin to be yourself. Live for you! Don’t hide those outfits in the back of the closet because some magazine says it went out of style. If it looks good on you WEAR IT!
Everyone else will have something to say about what you want to do but remember it’s YOUR life, they don’t have to live it. The minute they finish criticizing or instructing you on how you should do things, they get in their car and go do what they want to do with their life. No one is instructing them.
Break away from the constraints of a society that is quick to judge and condemn and instruct, supposedly for ‘your own good.’
Trust yourself to make decisions about your life. You are the one who has to live with the repercussions of your choices.
Don’t live a life filled with regrets. You only get one chance.
I’m up late feeling pretty silly right now. I just got off the phone with Ruby and that girl is wilding out up in Atlanta. I plan to go visit her for her birthday in mid August.
Life is so different in Miami. Let me tell you, before I came down here to visit last April (the visit that propelled me to move down here) I hadn’t even visited in a YEAR. I was afraid to come down because when I come for a visit I knew I was gonna wild out! I would come down for the weekend, drop my kids to my mama’s house and never come home until it was time to go. I would be drinking, smoking and hollering at men- all in an effort to get it out of my system because I knew when I got back to Gainesville it was back to the old routine- in the house every night with my boys and going to church and work and that’s it.
So I was trying to be right and I didn’t want to mess up so I stopped coming down here. I admit, I was afraid that I was gonna do the same thing once I moved here but I was so wrong.
I was afraid to leave my little safety net for fear that I wasn’t strong enough to make it on my own.
I’ve been here for four weeks now and I have not done a THING that I couldn’t write about on my blog. No need to repent or feel bad about myself. I basically do the same thing I used to do in Gainesville, except I see my family a lot more. I’m not wilding out at all and I’m still happy.
Sometimes you won’t know you have conquered a fear until you are face to face with it.
There’s nothing to fear but fear itself.
~singing the theme song to The Miami Heat Basketball Team~
Can you feel the heat down in my soul?
Can you feel the heat down in my soul?
Can you feel it?
I feel it.
Can you feel it?
I feel it.
It’s MIAMI HEAT!
We can’t be beat.
It’s MIAMI HEAT!
Yo, it’s HOT AS HECK down here!
I’m wearing my tiny shorts again and little t-shirts and I’m still burning up. I’ve become addicted to the icecream cones from McDonalds. I buy one every day. One night it was almost 11 pm and I had to run out and get one. It’s even super hot at night!
Trick Daddy said it best when he said, “I love living here. We be straight thugs living here!” I said that to my friend Freddy yesterday and he busted out lauging. “You’re not a thug!” he told me. I know, but I am a city girl at heart.
Funny how everyone thinks that I am from out of town. No one believes I was born and raised in Liberty City. Maybe it’s my friendly smile and attitude. I don’t know.
Believe it or not I couldn’t care less about sports. It’s all boring to me. I mean, it’s just a GAME. Who cares? In fact, I realized that I don’t like anything competitive. Board games or shooting pool or anything that has a winner at the end. Well, except writing competitions. LOL!
My brother is such a blessing. Last week I started calling around for truck rental rates so that I could go and get my furniture and stuff from my old apartment and the Penske people told me $599 for a one-way trip. Yeah right.
Then yesterday my lil brother, who lives in Gainesville, called me and told me that he knows someone who is moving to Miami and I could split the cost of a truck with him and he would bring all of my stuff down for me. So he went to my apartment and loaded up all of the big stuff and got on the road last night.
What a treat! I still have to make a trip back up there to turn in my key and sign out of my lease, but at least I won’t have to beg people to come and help me move.
Hooray!
I also got a new cell phone. My mama was tired of my ppl calling hers and with Metro PCS I have unlimited long distance and local calling ALL DAY, EVERYDAY!
Now the hunt is on for a new apartment. Wish me luck!
I saw this on Words in the Rough. It was fun.
INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that are true about you.
3. Whatever you don’t bold is false.
01. When I was younger, I made some bad decisions
02. I don’t watch much TV these days
03. I love olives
04. I love sleeping
05. I own lots of books
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses
07. I love to play video games
08. I’ve tried marijuana (back in my party days)
09. I’ve watched porn movies
10. I have been in a threesome
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy
13. I have acne free skin (usually)
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton
15. I curse frequently
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
17. I have a hobby
18. I’ve been told I: (women) have an applebottom, (men) am packing.
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me
20. I’m really, really smart
21. I’ve never broken someone’s bones
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal
23. I hate the rain
24. I’m paranoid at times
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free
26. I need money right now
27. I love Sushi
28. I talk really, really fast
29. I have fresh breath in the morning
30. I have semi-long hair (used to, I cut it, now it’s growing back)
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister (2 step-sisters)
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis
35. I have a twin
36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyes in the past
37. I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look (usually)
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months
40. I know how to cornrow
41. I am usually pessimistic
42. I have a lot of mood swings
43. I think prostitution should be legalized
44. I think Britney Spears is hot
45. I have cheated on a Sig. O. in the past
46. I have a hidden talent
47. I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have
48. I think that I’m popular
49. I am currently single
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex
51. I enjoy talking on the phone
52. I practically live in sweatpants
53. I love to shop
54. I would rather shop than eat
55. I would classify myself as ghetto
56. I’m bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders
57. I’m obsessed with my Xanga
58. I don’t hate anyone. I dislike them.
59. I’m a pretty good dancer
60. I don’t think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington
61. I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother
62. I have a cell phone
63. I believe in God
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months
66. I love drama
67. I have never been in a real relationship before
68. I’ve rejected someone before
69. I currently have a crush on someone
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
71. I want to have children in the future
72. I have changed a diaper before
73. I’ve called the cops on a friend before
74. I bite my nails
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club
76. I’m not allergic to anything
77. I have a lot to learn
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube’s newest “Friday” movie
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex (most of the time, if I’m attracted to him)
81. I’m online 24/7, even as an away message
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs at a party
84. I have made a move on a friend’s Sig. O. in the past
85. I own the “South Park” movie
86. I have avoided assignments at work to be on Xanga
87. When I was a kid I played “the birds and the bees” with a neighbor or chum
88. I enjoy country music
89. I would die for my best friends
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can ( Y & R, Bold & the Beautiful, ATWT, Guiding Light )
92. I’m obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick’s “Children’s Story”
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
98. I have dated a close friend’s ex
99. I’m happy as of this moment
Yippee Skippee!
I’m feeling so good right now. Today was a GREAT day. Ya’ll know what? I knew that I was a valuable employee. I knew that I worked hard but now I know that the sky is the limit for me.
Today I got to work and was surprised to see an email from the woman I interviewed with last week. You know, the CEO of the marketing/PR firm.
This is what she wrote: (Sidenote: She called me by the wrong name a few times.)
Te-Erica,
Who is Jennifer Russou anyway? I have not been able to live it down–Amy and Maddie now call me Ruby in exchange for my giving everyone else a name of my own. Anyway, thanks for taking it in such good grace.
Thank you for the very nice email note about our meeting. I concur. I, too, felt the synergy and would hire you today, if we had the budget. Hopefully, that won’t be for too long.
About the motivational speaking, we have thought about developing that aspect of the business, but I guess need someone like you to build it. What I have found is that local organizations and projects always want me to present, but without a fee. I have done quite a bit of that and feel that it is time to develop that as part an economic aspect of (her firm’s name); this would mean mainly outside of Miami-Dade and Broward Counties. So, we would need to make the necessary registrations with speakers bureaus–in fact, Maddie has already decided that I am not going to be running around speaking without an honorarium anymore. So I think we are all on the same wave. It would be so wonderful to have someone developing that for me and for the company. I am also planning to settle down and pull together my first book. I have been toying with the idea for quite a while, now I am actually taking it more seriously. And, as you know, every motivational speaker needs a tangible product.
Let’s stay in touch. If you hear of or see anything that might be worth our pursuit, please let us know. In the meantime, if things turn around here, I have you at the top of my list. I hope your kids are doing well. Take good care.
Blessings.
M.G.
Isn’t that great?!
And then things got realy hectic around my office. I have been put into a supervisory role that is more like a servant’s role. But one thing I have learned is the best leaders are the best servants.
So, when I had all of my reports typed and all of my assignments completed, my publisher’s administrative assistant comes and says my publisher wants to see me.
We meet for a little over an hour, combing through my many projects and I dazzled her with my creativity and ideas for restructuring the office protocol.
As the last thing on my (typed) agenda I had outlined all of my duties because I planned to ask for a raise in salary.
Here is my report:
Act as the liason between editorial staff and the administration.
Supervise the editorial department staff to ensure a higher quality in output.
Formulate the structure of the sales team.
Create all of the sales team’s presentation materials.
Act as a clerk for other sales team members which includes typing their letters and preparing them to be mailed out. Spearhead policy projects that require a great deal of analytical thinking, creativity and knowledge of desktop publishing.
Write and market a weekly newspaper column to attract more readers to the paper.
Assess the current business structure and procedures and implement ways to improve them.
Proof the entire newspaper for errors in grammar, spelling and content.
Before I could even begin my “Tee-is-the-bomb-and-has-exceeded your-expectations” speech, she said, “Shut up. How much do you want?”
I named my price and she said okay.
I didn’t ask for much. I have a strategic plan for my income right now, but I know she would have given me anything that I asked for. After we agreed on my new salary she told me, “You know, I have to tell you that I am VERY pleased with your work here. You bring a new perspective that I needed around here. I am so glad that you are here.”
I smiled, wrapped up the conversation and went to lunch.
It’s great to know that someone values you so much and your knowledge is needed and appreciated. I can see myself being a valuable asset to any company I choose.
I’m comfortable where I am right now. I have a good work to do at The Times. Once I am done, I will move on, but now I am there to serve.
I’m getting very annoyed right now. I need to vent.
Tell me something? Why in the world did I drive around Miami for thirty minutes looking for a Burger King and couldn’t find one? Where is Burger King?!! All I want is a sausage and cheese crossaint with no eggs! I can’t find anything in this doggone city!
Why in the world are my GIRLS letting niccas answer their cell phones? If I call your phone I want to talk to YOU, not them. This really annoys me. If I wanted to talk to your man I would wait until he comes around my crib like I usually do. Ya’ll better put them in check!
Does anyone in Miami know what a turn signal is? Use it! Stop cutting me off. And stop speeding up when I put on my blinker. You’re being so rude!
And stop trying to holla at me while you’re walking! What am I gonna do with a man who is sitting on the bus stop? Get real. You’ll never get my number. You gotta come better than that.
OK. OK. I know my hair is nappy. You don’t have to keep telling me. I like it like that. Either leave me alone or grab a pick and pick it for me. Dang!
Where is ANNA? I haven’t spoken to that chick since Sunday morning and she knows I don’t play that! She tells me she’s too busy to update her blog. Ya’ll know I’m the blog police. You can’t be on my blog list if your blog isn’t tight. I have standards to uphold.
By the way start checking out Phase II again. I was just about to give her the boot when she comes back with a vengeance. She has got a whole new look and she definately is good at telling a story. That’s my baby mama!
Also check out Shay’s blog. My sister is pouring out her heart as she grows. I am amazed everytime I visit her page. She’s really honest and very articulate.
On a lighter note.
I met up with an old classmate from middle school. His name is Darryl. He was the pretty boy of the school. You know, light skinned, green eyes, well dressed. He came by the newspaper office to place an ad in the paper. It turns out he is a real estate investor. He is trying to help low-income families find affordable housing and get in on the ground floor in the remake of the inner city.
I spoke with him for a minute but then I got busy and one of the salespeople told me he was looking for me before he left but I am sure I will see him again. It was so funny seeing him after all this time. I told him, “Dang you got a deep voice now!” He laughed and said, “That was middle school, Tee.”
Well, I took today off from work because I didn’t leave the office until 2:30 this morning. I had been there since 8a.m. If this is how the newspaper business goes, I don’t know if I can handle it. I love working there though. Maybe I’ll get used to it. Hopefully I won’t have to. I have so many other projects that I am involved in.
I read something today that caused me to feel a little uneasy. Well, a lot.
A friend of mine is having success in an area that I tried and tried and TRIED my BEST to be successful in.
I have never been the jealous type. In my whole life I have only met one girl who I thought was all-around tighter than I am and then I got to know her- my feelings changed immediately.
But my friend, who has some of the same talents and passions that I have, is enjoying success in the place that I envisioned myself being successful but never could- Her new church.
She wrote to me telling me how much she loves the church and how she has already joined a ministry and she is meeting so many young people who are so on fire for God and she is so HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! She gets to hang out and meet other young adults who share her interests and I’m sure she’ll contribute a lot to their vision.
The kicker is- She now goes to the church I just left in Gainesville.
If you go back through my archives you may be able to read that all I wanted to do was serve in my church and use my gift to glorify God. I never got a chance to do that and I’m sure it was God’s will. But I can’t stop thinking that something is wrong with ME, because I could not make it work. Like everyone else has got it but I never got it.
My girl Mimi says that I wasn’t meant to be at the church and that’s why things didnt work out, but since I’m such a self-blamer I always anaylyze why it is MY FAULT things don’t work in my favor, or the way I want them to.
~sigh
Child please I’m tripping because these are the facts:
1) I am way happier now than I was when I was in Gainesville.
2) I have more peace now and less pressure.
3) Good things are happening in my life and I can not go back and fix things that went wrong in the past. I can only move forward.
4) I trust God to settle in my heart those things that still cause pain when it comes to my old church.
I am letting go of Gainesville and the negative experiences that sneak and try to rob me of my joy today. I am letting go of the painful relationships associated with my old church. I am also letting go of the belief that my husband is in Gainesville a.k.a. My Golden Boy.
This one is the toughest one to let go of because it will mean that I have to admit that I was wrong when I TRULY believed I had heard from God. I was wrong about hearing from God when I thought he had showed me my husband. I was wrong. I was wrong.
And that’s okay. Yep, 100%. Why would I think that God would have someone for me? I’ve only messed up, um, a million times since I’ve been saved.
I’m here to serve, to encourage and to raise good sons. I’ll get my reward in heaven. I’m just gonna focus on the work I have before me. And I have plenty of work to do.
Gotta go…
On Friday evening I dropped my cousin off to the flea market on 27th and I passed by Jorge & Jerry’s supermarket. I smiled and remembered my friend Joe. He used to work there. He’s one of the most hard working men I know. That boy knows he will keep two jobs and go to school at the same time.
I met him when I was 12. It was at my friend Yolanda’s 13th birthday party. I walked in to the party and I saw him sitting there. He was so cute! He was about my height and chocolate chocolate chocolate! When he saw me he said, “Hey, aren’t you that girl on TV at school?” I smiled and said, “Yes.” proudly. He responded, “Your voice is too squeaky.”
I frowned at him and sat down next to him. And so began our love/hate reationship. For many years following that we would try to get together but it didn’t happen until my senior year in highschool. He was going to a different highschool but we lived on the same block. That boy used to get me in trouble cuz I wasn’t allowed to talk to boys but he and I would sneak off to see each other when I was daring.
I broke his heart when I left for college and he stayed in Miami. I was wilding out at that time. I had three boyfriends which were kinda hard to maintain even though they all lived in different places. Once I was visiting Miami and I called his house and asked for my other boyfriend. I didnt recognize his voice. ooh!
He wrote me this mean letter cursing me out and telling me how much I hurt him. I never replied. We lost contact for a while after that but no matter what we would find each other. He moved up to Tallahassee to go to FAMU and when I would go to visit my bestfriend Tamara I always made sure that I saw him. We would fight all the time but neither one of us would let go completely. It was crazy but he’s always been good to me and I appreciate his friendship.
I’m smiling all the way home from the flea market and thinking about him. When I get in the door Anna is on the phone. She’s laughing like crazy and tells me that she just got a call from none other than my friend Joe. He was looking for me.
I called the number she gave me and we chatted. It turns out that he just moved back to Miami as well. His girlfriend moved back to Miami too. He has been with her for about 5 years now but he says he’s not thinking about marriage at all.
This morning he came to get me from my friend Andy’s house, in Pembroke Pines. I battled the expressway last night to find his place so I could celebrate his graduation and I got lost. I was crying and screaming but Andy talked to me the whole way there so I wouldn’t get too hysterical. The expressway is so scary.
So when Joe called me I asked him to come up to Pembroke (a city outside of Miami) because I had spent the night because I didn’t want to get lost again in the dark.
Ofcourse Joe came. He always does when I call. It was wild seeing him again. The last time I saw him I had just had my younger son and he came to visit us in Gainesville.
He looked the same. Still short. Still black. But we both had to laugh at the fact that we’re back in Miami and all grown up. Even though we have such a romantic past he’s more like a brother to me. I will always love his mean behind cuz he’s always there when I need him.
Life is a trip.
Up one day, down the next. The key is not to let life keep you down. I always get back up.