Hey…
Wanna hear my latest poem? Its so cute.
Anyway… I’m up over here… headache just went away. I’m ignoring this girl’s phone calls because I don’t like her like that. Still no laptop but I believe one is on the way. I have been so stressed out..but now that my headache is gone and I read today’s Note From The Universe..I realize why.
It’s because I’ve been trying to figure everything out myself. I don’t KNOW where I’ll be living or how I’ll manage to get to class. I am hoping so hard and SEARCHING for a job where my gifts and talents are appreciated and valued and I am compensated for what I have to offer but nothing has come of that yet. I keep sowing seeds. Reaching out to directors. Creating more inspirational work. I don’t know of anything that I have not done to make my dreams come true. All I can do is keep sowing seeds and keep grinding and wait…
I kinda miss that girl too. You know…my first..well..the first girl I actually went down on. She was so cute and funny and she knew how to handle my personality so well. I wonder what woulda happened had we both been the type to hang on instead of give up.
Oh well..
We lasted for 3 weeks..that’s a record for me. I hope she’s well.
I posted on my facebook status a quote from a woman I admire. She said: “Are you really happy? No one ever tries to run away from happiness. If you’re happy somewhere, you usually want to DIE there.”
This makes me think of my job. I love what I do. For real…if I didn’t need this job to make money I’d still do it. I think the pressure of needing money from it is what makes it so unbearable at times.
But it really is my pleasure to serve…
But its…its gotten to the point where I’m wanting something different you know. To serve in a different way. I can’t imagine how and my note from the universe today said:
“It’s one trick, Ms. Tee, to manifest exactly what you want.
It’s another to bring about something even better. Leave the door open, The Universe”
I’m still trying to figure out what this all means.
I know I want and need a new car, a place to live and a new laptop and a steady income that can actually take care of me.
I don’t know how I will get it.
I know it will come somehow. I have my heart all set on a specific car that I saw and fell in love with. I hope I can get it AND get all the other things but I don’t know how…
I wish I could get away for a little while… just go drive off and chill on the beach. I miss that. Earlier this summer that’s all I did…every morning..head to the beach to tan and just talk to the Universe…
Now I feel so trapped…trapped at this job, trapped in this house..trapped by life…
I love the feeling of being free…
But the feeling is really within me…
I want to be… surrounded by people who appreciate me. people who see me and see the love I have to offer as genuine and real. people who aren’t trying to contain me for their own personal benefit but want me in their lives because they gain from it and aren’t afraid to share their gains with me.
I just…want to be appreciated for what I bring to the table.. I bring a lot…
One day…one day… one day…
Right?
Right…