Why Dallas?

So I moved to Dallas.

I drove into the city fearlessly blasting this very nice Christian station they have here. It was feeding me all kind of good nuggets as well as re affirming my belief that church leaders are only human.

There was a man preaching passionately about how “God is not our chum! He is not our FRIEND! He should be revered! He should be feared! And only out of our strict obedience to Him will we ever see the kingdom of heaven.”

~rolls eyes~

Shut up. I can’t believe they put that dude on the radio. If he can get air-time, so can I.

The three hour trip from Houston to Dallas was uneventful and blessed. Before I left I shook my head as I realized that I didn’t have anyone in the city of Houston to call and say goodbye to. I never made any friends. I never dated anyone. I made no real connections with anyone. It was very easy to drive away with no tears and no fears.

My first impression of Dallas: This city is old as hell! They need to do some remodeling.

But as I explored a little more I realized that there are parts of this city that are quite beautiful. Dare I say even more beautiful than Houston. The houses I’ve seen are more modern looking and the streets are easier to drive on.

I haven’t seen ANY Black people except for at a company I visited. Everyone else is Mexican. The side of town that I am on is STRAIGHT UP Mexican. I don’t see any other races. I wonder what the Black people here look like. What do they dress like? Will they find me attractive? Will I make friends here? Will I meet my husband here? Will I meet women of integrity who are also attractive and confident and spiritually in tune with the Father, but are still cool enough to be REAL? I hope so.

I’m okay with spending time alone but…I’d like to have fun too. Good clean fun. I wanna dance. I wanna drink. I wanna smile. I wanna laugh. All the things I didn’t get to do while I was in Houston. I guess..I want to enjoy myself.

I feel stronger. I feel powerful. I know that I can survive and I WILL survive with no struggle, no pain, no heartbreak. Although I have never been to Dallas before I’m sure I can figure it out.

The best thing is, I have no fears because I KNOW that I KNOW that I KNOW that God is with me, gently guiding me, bringing people into my life who will become links in my chain to my greater good.

Sometimes I do get a little sad about the people who walk in and out of my life. I think about the ones I have loved for years who are now gone and ones who are a part of my life right now…that I know I have to let go.

Certain people are questioning me. They call me crazy. You can hear the dissappointment in their voices when I call to update them about my journey. They keep asking me WHY? WHY? WHY?

Why not?

Why not seek the thing that I know that I am destined to have?

Why not believe that God has a perfect job for me that will lead me to do the very work that HE has called me to do?

Why should I settle for an income and stability at some company that may or may not give a damn about me?

I’ve given too much of myself in jobs and relationships that would not return the favor, now it is time to be selfish. Now it is time to make MY happiness a priority. Yes, I wish I had at least one of my homegirls with me to brave the storms, but hey.. I know they support me in spirit.

On lonely nights when I can’t take the quiet all I have to do is call Kenya and we chat and chat and chat until we are both falling asleep on the phone. She keeps me company. Her conversation keeps me energized. Her voice blesses me. Thank you girl!

It wasn’t too hard to find a temporary place to stay. God blesses us if we are in His will. PLUS, I have favor, PLUS I walk fearlessly knowing that I am blindly following His lead and just like a toddler all I have to do is reach up and grab ahold of his hand.

I’ve already had a job interview since I’ve been here. I believe it’s an important building block in my journey.

Because this opportunity presented itself so quickly, I can now see how God’s divine intelligence is expressing divine ideas through me.

I can see the big picture now. No longer do I have to wonder “How will it happen?” All I have to do is continue to be faithful, positive and bless others.

Wow. In hindsight when I look at my last job I shake my head and sigh. I know for a fact that God wanted me there for several reasons, but also so that I could pay for my trip to see my sons. I fantasize about what we will do when I get there. My guyfriend blessed us with a hotel suite so that we will be comfortable. I’m so happy! We’re going to the beach! We’re going to eat pizza on South beach! We’re going to do some finger painting and we will spend much time in the bookstore.

I’m believing God for a bit of spending money so that we can do some shopping too. I’d like to leave them with a little change and some clothes if I can.

I reach back into my past and call my last job BLESSED, not only because my publisher blessed me to leave, but because I can see that it took that discomfort to force me out of Houston. I promise you whenever I’m feeling antsy and upset and frustrated, if I DARE to make a move, I always land in a better position.

It’s as though God’s promise to me is a dress inside a store window. It’s a size 35 so I can’t fit it now. He’s feeding me wisdom and challenging my character. When I grow a little bit and the clothes (or job) I’m wearing doesn’t fit, he gives me a new dress to wear. But it’s still not the dress of my dreams. Just as I’m feeling the ease of relaxing in that dress, he feeds more and I grow more, then ugh…I’m uncomfortable again.

He gives me another dress to wear.

One day I’m going to reach that size 35 and it will be the most stunning fit I’ve ever had. I won’t fear the growth. I will embrace it and the challenges that come along with change.

The world is constantly evolving. Who am I to resist change? Change is imminent, and brings with it a much more exciting joy for life and eternal fulfillment trusting that if God’s favor is with me, no force can work against me.

So step back DALLAS, TEXAS. Ms. Tee is in the hizzouz!

Are you ready for a blessing?