When my friend Freddy wants to make me feel bad he calls me a smoker. I hate that term but the truth is I still light up.

I smoke black and milds. It’s not because I HAVE to smoke. I dont think blacks are addictive. It’s just something to do. I mean, after my sons are in bed, I sit here and chat a bit and then watch a movie and smoke a black.

I’ve stopped before and I’m in conflict because I know that this body is God’s temple which sounds like a cliche but it’s true. I confessed to my Pastor and he prayed for me. But even that same night my hands were idle and I lit up.

I hate that my mama smokes. I have asthma too. I just dont know why i still do it. I’m a saved woman of God and I’m still struggling in this area.

I hate struggling. When i go to church and the Pastor gives the word, everything seems so easy. So black and white. I walk out of there full of courage, focused and determined to please God. But when I get home and it’s just me and my boys and then they go to bed and I don’t know what to do with myself I end up doing things I shouldnt be doing.

Look, I’m not out being promiscuous and doing drugs, which sometimes makes me feel better about this “little” discrepency, but it shouldnt. Man, I want to live my ENTIRE life to give glory to God and I try, I do. I need to stop smoking.

The thing about hidden sin is its about integrity. You may think no one is watching but God is. And He is not pleased. I used to wonder how ppl could say they were saved though they sin all the time and just say, “We are all sinners. No one is perfect. God knows my heart.”

I dont know about that. God DOES know your heart but He is concerned with your actions just as much. Ppl can have the best intentions, but if their actions dont match it is pointless.

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