What About YOUR friends?
Remember that song by TLC? Got me humming all day as I think about how fragile female friendships are and how easily we give up on each other over our silly pride.
You have to admit that as we get older certain things about certain people just don’t sit right with us. We become a bit more judgemental and less tolerant. But even if our friendships are changing it doesn’t mean we should just throw them away.
Case in point: My bestfriend Anna. Ever since I met this chick I knew that we would bump heads. We’re both too strong willed. And neither of us wanted to give. I was a goody two shoes and she was the one who broke all the rules. But for some reason, we gelled and spent a good amount of our friendship fighting while still loving each other.
As we got older, I’m not even going to lie. We grew apart. We changed through different experiences. We do not enjoy doing the same things, hanging around the same people or have the same ideals about what success means. But even through all of those differences, one thing remains the same after more than 10 years. It’s simple, we love each other.
And our love was tested once again just last week. I called Anna up with a heavy heart. LOL! I’m always calling someone with a heavy heart. LMAO! I’m so emotional.
“Dawg, I need to talk.” I say and she tells me to hold on while she goes into her break room at work.
“What’s up homie?”
“Dawg. Remember that time you were at my house in Gainesville and you said X-Y-Z?”
“Well, that really hurt my feelings and I’ve been mad at you this whole time and I have resented you like a mutha and I am still upset that you would try me like that! You ain’t perfect yourself and I’ll never forget how you ruined my event with yo big mouth.”
“WHAT?! That was over a year and a half ago! Man, lemme call you back!”
She hangs up.
My heart is all jittery but there’s an underlying peace. I know she’s mad at me. I know she probably shouldn’t speak to me for a minute. See, I know I shouldn’t do that. You know, hold stuff in and let it build up but I do and then I have to release it and I’m all pissed and I get my girl all pissed and she’s EXTRA mad because it’s some old drama that could have been handled a long time ago, but NO Ms. DRAMATIC TEE has to draw it all out. ~sigh~ I am difficult.
I waited so long to tell her that she hurt me and I held onto so much anger that it prevented me from sharing certain joyful things with her. I was limiting our relationship because I was holding onto bitterness. And now it was time to release and see what happens.
I wait for her to call me back. An hour goes by. Then two. Then my phone rings and it’s her. She’s calm now.
“Look, forget about it. It was my opinion and just like I’m not going to let your opinion ruin my life, you shouldn’t let mine.”
“I knew you was gonna call me back.” I tell her.
“You get on my damn nerves. I don’t know why I let you get under my skin like I do.”
“Cuz you LOVVVE me!”
I guess I’m saying all this to say. Shit is not that deep to let a friendship go. Any friendship worth having is worth saving. Let that pride go. Tell that friend how she hurt you and if they are really your friend they will talk it through. Most times it is just a misunderstanding.
Real friends don’t just up and walk away. Real friends cry, curse or even box it out until it’s all better. Friendships are made stronger through the rough moments. That’s what makes friendships last. Don’t just run away. Face your friend. Tell her how you feel. Be honest. And deal with it. We’re not kids anymore. Just like you will fight, rationalize and make excuses to keep that MAN, you should put the same effort into those women who love you.
Every good woman needs a good female friend.