Under The Weather

I’m sick.

It just happened two days ago. I was fine until I dropped DEEP off to his appointment and when I got home my throat was hurting. Then it got worse. Then my body started to ache. Then I started feeling like ugh all over.

So that’s me- laying on my futon all day coughing and shivering. Reminds me of the time I had that UTI. Or the times when I got pregnant back in the day. I hope it goes away soon. I already missed the first day of classes and my show was canceled. But its probably a good thing, I need new tires anyway and I shouldn’t be driving to South Beach with my car like that.

I can barely breathe. Maybe I’ve been smoking too much. I really want to treat my body better but it seems like its more expensive to eat healthier and I’m always on a gas station food and dollar value menu diet. Or I just don’t eat at all trying to save the money for my kids when they come.

WHo the hell ever thought life would be this way?

My birthday is in one week and since I desperately need tires, I probably won’t be able to celebrate or see my kids. Plus…I have to move by next week too. With what money? I don’t know. It’s time to go though.

I had an interesting conversation with Yolanda yesterday. SHe lost her signal just as it was getting really good. When I look back at her life and the things she has gone through and how things worked out so well for her, I feel better about my own life direction and I know I’ll be okay. She has 5 kids and lost everything at one point and spent years rebuilding now she has a family, a family business and a husband who really supports her. One of the questions she asked was, “What is success really? Are we defining it for ourselves or are we allowing others to define it for us?”

Success for me would be to be able to take good care of myself and my sons as a result of my creative work. I don’t know how that will happen. I guess I’ll start working on my 2nd book, keep going with my show and I really want to do a blogtalk radio show about Black Love Stories. It encourages me to hear them and I’m sure other singles could learn a lot by listening to positive stories. I just need to figure out where I’m going to live next, get settled and start working on my projects again. I need to manifest a miracle by my birthday.

Let’s see what happens.

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