Training Ground

There’s something about this place.

I’m not gonna lie, I feel it in my heart everytime I take a drive.

There’s a buzz in the air. An excitement. Like the excited buzz that surrounds news of a spectacular event.

This city is so beautiful to me.

Now even more so, because I am an adult and I can enjoy it in all its splendor. From the hot nights to the Latin influence to the boys on the block to the white beaches; damn, we have it all.

As my job takes me to parts of Miami that I had never seen before my hearts seems to skip a beat. I have never experienced life like this. I imagines it, but never really put a finger on it. I may seem green or ghetto, but everytime I go to a party with my job, I have to take a moment to breathe and take in all the scenery.

I never saw anything like this when I grew up. Not only do these people have HOUSES, they have magnificent houses with drivers, nannies and a housekeeping staff. I grew up in some ol brown apartments across from Ra.nge Funeral home.

When I was away at college I used to think of Miami in terms of what it was when I was younger. I was surrounded by people who had no idea there was life outside of the city. I had only left two times before I went to college.

But I’m grateful to my time away from Miami. Not only did I receive an education from a top knotch University, I appreciate it here so much more because there’s so much to DO!

Every single night you can go out and have a good time. You may not find the type of people that you are looking to mingle with but there’s nothing wrong with being entertained by a new crowd. I’m discovering tastes for things I never even knew existed.

A couple of weeks ago we had a party at the Foun.tainebleu on 44th and Collins in the Penthouse. Dude, they had caviar, beef wellington, lamb lollipops and ice sculptures and so much more! (I tried to taste the caviar just so I could say I had some and let me tell you, I swallowed that stuff like I was on Fear Factor- don’t ask me what it tasted like) The penthouse (on the 37th floor) was brand new and on sale for $7 million. If you could have seen this view! Amazing…

I know I may sound brand new but damn, I’ve come a long way from 58th Terrace.

It’s kinda scary too. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know how to act around them. Yeah, I mean THEM. A fear grips me when I’m at a party and everyone is mingling. I want to leave as quickly as I can and if I can’t leave because I have to wish everyone a good night or something like that, I hide. Seriously. I hide wherever I can so that I won’t have to talk to anyone.

I have a problem walking up to people I don’t know and introducing myself. It’s so crazy because if it were a BLACK person I would have no problem.

It’s not easy for me being the only Black person at events. And then to know all of this splendor is so new to me, I feel out of place a lot. But at the end of the day when I lie down at night my dreams include the things that I see now. My hopes have expanded because my reality has expanded. Last week I dreamt I owned a penthouse on the Beach and it was beautifully decorated with simple colors like I like, grays and reds. It was NICE!

I believe this is my training ground. I have to get over this mistrust of white people. This is the one part of my job that I am uncomfortable with. And it happens to be the most important. I must learn to socialize with white people. They are so nice to me, but I just freeze up. I don’t know what to say.

Before last week’s party I promised myself that I would have at least 3 conversations during the evening.

I had two.

Good start.

I just have to relax, be myself and stop thinking about their skin color. I can’t help it though. I have NEVER had a white friend before. I don’t believe that I could be friends with a white person. For some reason, I think that at the first sign of discomfort in the friendship they would say some insulting racist comment.

I wish I would meet someone who would help me to change my mind.

But for now, I’ll keep trying.