My absolute favorite thing to do is learn.
I try to hang out and smoke and chill, play pool, play cards, and dominoes but I get so bored so easily.
Sometimes television intrigues me but for the most part I don’t watch it. In fact, since moving into my new place, I haven’t even plugged in my TV set. Don’t need to. I thrive on reading and learning new healing techniques and philosophies that will help me to help others shift their perspective to more positive expectations about life.
I have a friend who thinks “this world is all fucked up” I hate it when she says that. Because she holds this belief she doesn’t notice anything but the despair and pain in the world. It’s so hard to talk to her sometimes but we work diligently to maintain our friendship because we want to.
I tend to think of the world as magical. I believe we have the same powers that Jesus demonstrated but we are too afraid and too conditioned by this world to excercise these powers.
I’ve seen for myself how people with very little can transform their lives into what they want and then when they get what they want they forget that what they have now was once what they PRAYED FOR.
I feel sad for ungrateful people. The energy they use to gain the desires of their heart isn’t appreciated because once they have what they desire, all they can think about is getting more.
Maybe I’m a bit jaded because I have been on this journey to my personal success story for years. If you measure my success by money or material things then you would have to label me a loser. But if you measure my success by my ability to appreciate what I have and the lessons I learn everyday I am even more successful than Oprah.
I love my life. Sometimes I get a little down because I recognize the kind of effort I put into teaching others how to love life and helping others to meet their needs and I feel like I should be more comfortable and stable but really…there is nothing that I have ever wanted that i did not receive.
I always dreamt of having a driver and now I have no car and I get to take a cab. I always wanted to be FREE to be with whoever I wanted to be with and I am perpetually single. Most people would think my life is cursed…but the TRUE seekers…the KNOWERS and the THINKERS recognize that this journey of ups and downs and ascension through obstacles is the stuff that dreams are made of.
WHat are my highest dreams? The dreams that are so close to my heart that I can only whisper them without bursting into tears?
I dream of watching my sons grow up into wonderful men who recognize the power of their imagination and their existence. I dream of clapping for them and watching them WIN. I dream of writing from the patio of my beachfront home…receiving copies of my latest books and piling them on my deck so that I can autograph them and send them off to my marketing agent for contest winners and stable fans.
I dream of saucy sex in a room with no walls with a person who adores every inch of me from the inside out. I dream of giving great gifts to those who have stood beside me. I dream of thanking them in every way imagineable for not giving up on me and trying to hinder me from my untraditional path.
Right now I am completely in love with myself and I accept every part of my circumstances as fate. The depression, the paranoia, the terrets the anxiety, the rejection of romantic love- that’s all me. I’m me, my dear. It’s all me…but its not ALL of me.. You feel me?
I am a treasure trove of wisdom and emotional support. Their is never a time when I do not answer my phone for a person in need. There is never a time that I do not stop and brainstorm ways to help. The best part of me is the helper in me… It’s not the beauty you see. Yeah, I get that… In this society I would be called beautiful. Yet, that is not the best of me. I don’t know why I was made to look this way and why my quirks are seen as flaws and why I have anxiety. I don’t know why. But it’s all me.
And my sons love me. They’re the best part of me. ANd my bestfriend does too. If no one else decides to…I’m already good.
I live my dreams everyday. I’ve participated in every single career path that I always wanted to. There is so much satisfaction in me lately. Even though things are still shaky.
Everything I want comes to me. Everything I believe…happens for me.
I appreciate being me.