Sucka For Love

Man.. I’m all tense up in my upper back. I’m wearing this frown like, “Leave me alone.”

Some days like today I’m just in this weird mood. I don’t know, maybe it is because my son was acting up all morning and sometimes I don’t know what to do with him. Now my 4 yr old is sweet as icecream. He always listens, lives to read, loves doing his schoolwork and LOVES pleasing me.

But his brother, ugh… My 3 yr old doesn’t really care. Or maybe he cares too much, I don’t know. All I know is when I don’t do exactly what he wants me to do WHEN he wants me to do it, he SCREAMS- LOUDLY!

Immediately my body tenses up and I get frustrated. I want him to stop. But I don’t want to have to spank him all the time like that. I’ll tell him, “Go to your bed until you can TELL me what you want. I don’t understand when you are screaming. You don’t get what you want by screaming.”

He will go to his bed and SCREAM and SCREAM. I close the door. He SCREAMS some more. I’ll sit on my bed and fold my arms. It seems like it is a battle of will. How long can I sit there and listen to him scream? How long will he scream?

I tap my foot on the natural wood floor. My 4 year old is sitting beside me, looking at me as if to see what I am going to do.

I sigh.

I hate to hear him scream.

His screams turn to wails. “I’M SOORRRY! I’m SOORRRRY!”

Man…

I walk into his room and his face is wet with tears. I walk over to him and he lunges at me and gives me a hug, burying his face in my neck while wrapping his arms around my neck.

I melt. He’s so cute.

He’s just a little baby. Why do I get so frustrated with him?

All he wanted was some juice.

I should have stopped doing what I was doing to give it to him. He’s just thirsty. His little throat is dry.

“I love my baby,” I coo into his ear. “Mama’s big boy. Mama’s precious, precious Angel.”

I go get his juice, and he smiles. And he’s happy.

Until the next time I don’t move fast enough for him.

~sigh~

I know, I know.

I’m a sucker.

He has me trained.