So the question becomes…

Is this God’s will?

Yes, I want to move back down to Miami. To have family around, to have friends around, to be in a place where I can further my career or at least work in a job that has SOMETHING to do with my passion. But, is it God’s will?

Will I be patient enough to wait and hear His voice or will I allow my emotions to make me act before I receive a confirming word?

Damn, why is this so hard? Before I was in Christ I could do whatever I wanted to, life was so carefree. Now, i consider God in all my decisions and believe that He will guide me. Hoping I dont hear misinterpret what he is saying. That is so stressful for me. It’s no longer about me. It’s about God’s plan for me and sometimes His plan is not lining up with my plan.

I’m gonna bite the bullet on this one. Yeah, I’m not happy here. yeah, all I want is some friends like Dianna, Marsha and Susan around me. Yeah, I could be working for a nymber of magazines, newspapers, in PR or Marketing if I moved to Miami but…Is that God’s will?

You know, I see what He has promised me. And I hurt. I hurt right now because it’s not here yet. Right now I just want some sort of pleasure instead of all this pain and loneliness.

Wouldn’t it be just dandy if God’s will for me was to stay here and stay at this church that I dont feel joined to? Wouldn’t that be the hard road, the thing people talk about when they say, “Carrying your cross”? As Christians aren’t we supposed to endure some heartbreak, some pain, some misery, because that’s how we show God we appreciate what He did for us by sending us His son?

Well, I dont know the answer to that one, but if heartache after salvation equals appreciation to God, then I already presented Him with a great big trophy.

Lord, if you hear me. Please speak to me. I’m your baby. I just want to be loved. I just want to please you and be in your will. But why does your will always seem to be the rough road? When will I live life abundantly?

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