Random Stuff

So it’s like 2 in the morning and I can’t sleep because after work I ate a big meal and fell out. I woke up at 9pm, talked to my all my friends and then…sat here trying to figure stuff out.

Tomorrow is kind of an exciting day for me because I get to speak at one of our local colleges at the invitation of an old college buddy who teaches there. Why sh
e’s so supportive of me and confident in my abilities is beyond me…I’m just grateful to be given the opportunity to do what I love to do most…share and inspire. And she thinks I’m the one doing HER a favor…LOL!
Work has been going great! In fact, we just had a party last nite celebrating our high ranking in the region. My GM is so proud! She’s so funny too! She makes me laugh when I see her. Everyone loves her but agree that she is TOUGH. As long as she speaks to me in a calm tone, we’ll be alright. I don’t mind grinding it out at work.
Ya’ll know what’s cool? My co workers told me that they like me and are glad I’m working there. Isn’t that sweet? Like..I feel so good about that! I don’t do anything special but be myself… It’s good to be liked…
School is going okay so far. I’m nervous because I’m not a good student and I don’t really…care that much about grades but I’m just hoping that somehow I get through this program.
I love my bestfriend Tamara. Like…the relationship we have is so amazing. She seeks to understand where I’m coming from, even if she doesn’t agree. I love her for that.
I hate to write this over and over again and Im sure I’ll get over it but I miss DEEP. I don’t answer his texts when he messages me because I don’t like the way he talks to me sometimes but I miss him so much. He was like my bestfriend and stuff. Like..we did everything together and enjoyed every minute of it. At least I did.
Today I got off work, logged into facebook and had to curse this man out for trying to holla at me. I deleted him and he sent me a message saying, “I didn’t realize how baldheaded your ass was!” How immature! Then I cried because I’m just tired of every man sweating me all the time. I already know how its gonna turn out. When I have a need, they’re not gonna be there to help. Its always all about them and their goals and me supporting them. Tired of it. tired.
~sigh~
I feel like every man who meets me is offering me some dick. While I definitely want some…I don’t want it like that. I don’t know how I want it….but not from some guy I don’t even find attractive and only sees my body and wants me because of the way I look.
This man invited me to the beach this weekend and I really do like talking to him and he’s fine and all but in my mind I keep thinking, “He just wanna fuck.”
Well, I wanna fuck too but…I don’t know…man. I am so paranoid.
I miss DEEP. I wish he liked having secks. I wish he understood how important it was to be gentle with me. I wish he had a job. I wish he was affectionate. I wish he was attracted to me. I miss our friendship. But its gone.
I miss Tamara. I miss Mimi. I don’t miss Kim because I’m over hearing her say, “I’m gonna be a Mom dawg. Can u believe it?” Yes, I believe it hoe. You say it every time we speak. ~smile~
Sylvia just had a death in her family and she had to fly to Dallas for the funeral and she’s not feeling well. I wish she had more friends around her. She’s in nursing school right now and I really hope all of her dreams come true.
I wish your dreams come true too. Mine have…kinda. Everything I want to happen…happens. And I’m more peaceful than I used to be since I’ve realized, “Everything doesn’t have to happen RIGHT NOW!”
I even love my baby daddy!
Aint that some shit?!!!
I miss my kids…
THis guy is bringing me food. Isn’t that nice? ~rolls eyes~ I guess I’ll give him a hug in return. Let me go get ready to meet him.
Later.

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