I had a great weekend. On Saturday morning I was able to watch my sons flag football team win their 7th consecutive game. They haven’t lost any games yet… I’m so proud of them.

After the game, the boys went with their Dad and his girlfriend and I came home to take a nap and then go over my writing goals for the day. I got one article completed and then started working on my next youtube video. Man…before I knew it, I had spent 3 hours figuring out how to convert the MOV file to a WMV file and find music and create an image for my opening sequence.

Yeah…I may be putting too much time into this, but honestly, it’s alot of fun. I think I’m a producer at heart. The idea of making a documentary appeals to me. I just need to do a bit more research and I’ll be able to start writing. ~sigh~

Sometimes I feel like I have too many talents. I don’t want to miss out on excercising any of my creative talents and I try to dabble in everything from writing, to producing, I do spoken word, all of that, man.

By 6:30 I was on my way to the Cheescake Factory for my friend Dianna’s birthday dinner. Dianna looked absolutely beautiful, as usual. I got to meet her other friends and an old friend from highschool. She and I sat there reminscing about the guys we had crushes on back in highschool.

“Do you remember Donovan Daniels?” I asked her.

“Oh yeah!” she said and laughed. “Didn’t you used to like him?”

“Uh..yeah.” I smiled.

“Girl, you used to go crazy whenever he came around in highschool. We all used to be like, ‘Tee is crazy'”.

“Yeah girl, well I saw him a couple of weeks ago,” I began and recounted the story of me and Donovan at his bachelor party kick-off.

We giggled and talked about our highschool days.

“Have you rode by Jackson lately?” she asked.

I frowned and looked away. “Yes, I have.”

“I almost cried when I saw it,” she told me.

“Yes, well, I did cry. Right in the car, right in the middle of traffic.”

They tore down our old highschool completely. Driving by there and seeing that really hurt my heart. As I cruised past, I could see the ghost of my former self, bouncing through the hallways with Anna and Tamara. All of that is over now. I wouldn’t go back, but that time remains a very valuable part of my life.

After the dinner, I rode out, intending to go home and continue working on my youtube video. On the way, I called up my guyfriend to see how he’s doing and he said, “Why don’t you come through? I’m grilling some steaks with my cousins and we’re playing dominoes.”


I drove over there and when I step out of the car all of a sudden I feel nervous. You know I’m not the most sociable person, especially in a group full of men. I shake it off and walk inside the house, my guyfriend walking close behind me.

“Tee, this is my family. This is my Dad, my uncle, my cousins and those two are family friends,” Mr. X says.

“Hi,” I speak softly.

“Don’t be scared of us, come sit down. You play poker?”

“No,” I say and take a seat.

“You wanna learn?”

“No. Not really. I’m boring.”

“You’re boring? What do you like to do?” they ask me.

“ and write,”I speak firmly. “Not really into games.”

They all laugh and I look over at Mr. X, hoping that he won’t try to push the issue.

“Come on,” he says. “You can sit by and try to catch on the game.” He pulls up a chair to the table and I give him a look, but I oblige.

15 minutes later, he’s leading me away from the table and outside.

“You ready to go home?” he asked me.

“Yeah, just about.” I smile at him.

Although I’ve only been hanging out with him for a few weeks, he has yet to try anything with me. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that I keep telling him that I don’t like him like that. He usually listens and then says, “It’s whatever you want it to be.”

20 minutes later, I’m parking outside of his house and he smiles and opens the door for me.

I shake my head.

Damn. I know I don’t like him like that, but I sure do like the way he takes such good care of me. Whatever I want. Whatever I ask for. He always has it or gets it for me. I feel like a princess. And boy…I do love the way he sweats me so hard.

You would think I was Beyonce the way he looks at me.

He opens the door to his room and I look around and sit on his bed, removing my sandals. He walks over to me with a clean towel and wipes my feet for me.

“Now, you comfortable?” he asks.

“Yes, thanks.”

We sit up and watch TV until we fall asleep. Of course I feel him trying to make a move while I’m dozing off and in a way, I want him to, but then again, I’m just not feeling it, or him.

I’m so confused. Sometimes I think something is wrong with me because…I don’t meet men who I’m attracted to. That’s simply crazy to me.

And as I watch all of my friends in their delicious relationships, I’m wondering..Well, maybe my ability to be content by myself is a gift from God. There has to be some reason why no one excites me…

No one since…well, you know.

Man, that’s crazy. So crazy. I do like to be touched, but there’s no one around that I want to rub on me. When I’m with most men I meet, all I feel is..numb.