New Beginnings

I can not sleep. I am like…cant stop smiling. OMG!!!

I feel like a kid with a crush…on life!
Actually…I wanted to feel sad last night so I conjured up some sad memories but that didnt work. So I went to youtube and listened to old songs like ONE LAST CRY by Brian McKnight and ITS SO HARD TO SAY GOODBYE TO YESTERDAY by Boyz II Men and I cried…thinking of how much I’m changing on the inside…
My Mama asked me, “Are you still trying to be gay?”
I’m like…”No Mama.. I’m just open to the idea… Still can’t get over the whole vagina touching me thing though.” She laughed.
So A friend recommended this dating website called Plenty Of Fish and I signed up and was on it for 2 days before i got annoyed with all the men hitting me up. I deleted my account. So last week I decided to try it again…really TRYING and HOPING that maybe I could meet a guy who actually LIKES me as a person…but when I set up my profile…I paused a minute and then clicked Female Seeking Female.
I was laughing as I did it…but I couldn’t believe that there are so many WOMEN out there who only want love from a woman. Like…whoa!!!!
I looked through some profiles of women around my age and one picture really caught my attention cuz she had a great smile and very beautiful dreads. So I said Hi and we emailed for a while everyday. Finally I gave her my phone number and we talked from 11:30 pm until 4 in the morning! She’s very interesting…and I like the sound of her voice but I didnt really want to meet her. I figured I’d probably be dissappointed.
Tonight I got the biggest surprise at work when a hostess came up to me and said a friend of mine was there waiting to sit in my section but my section had been full for a long time and she wanted to seat her next to my section because we were closing. I had no idea who she was talking about and I was busy so I just said, “Yeah. Whatever.”
But when I got to the table my eyes got wide when I saw it was the girl from the dating website. We had told each other where we worked and she had come to meet me and surprise me!
She was even better looking in person and I found myself blushing as I took her order. I gave her the food, checked back on her and everything and we were both grinning like two little kids. It was so funny!
Before she left she gave me a great tip and stood up…I was like WOW…she has a very fit body. Then she walked over to me and gave me the sweetest kiss on the cheek. I was dumbfounded.
What the hell???
LOL!
She’s so…..different…Like one of the first things she said when we talked on the phone was, “I don’t like ghetto people.” I was like “What? I’M GHETTO HOE!” She just laughed! She was raised in a boarding school in Jamaica and says she only works because she has a traveling habit thats he supports.
But I do like talking to her and I have thought of her in a sexually physical way but I don’t know if I can go through with it and my Mama says not to play with these girls feelings and I don’t want to either but I am curious to see what it’s like to LIKE a woman and if they would appreciate me more than the men in my past.
I don’t LIKE her yet but…she’s very pretty to me, nice dark skin, beautiful dreads and a great smile and attitude. This is crazy…
The only reason I am writing about this is because my friend Rosa told me I should…