Life Without Them

I had been eagerly anticipating some time away from my sons. The daily routine of wiping up spills, comforting tear soaked faces and potty training had been getting to me. So, when their grandmother called to confirm that she would be picking the boys up from school and keeping them for the weekend I was relieved… until night fall.

There’s nothing like the sound of a child-less home. You get so used to saying, “Put that down, go back to bed, no, you can’t have anymore water.” But in the midst of all this, you don’t realize how much this is a part of your life. This is your life. And when it’s gone…you miss it.

On Friday night my heart ached for my boys. I had trouble falling asleep and I even contemplated going to pick them up, but I didn’t.

I sometimes feel bad that I wonder what my life would have been like had I not had children so early in my life. I fantasize about how free I would be. I look at my friends who for the most part, don’t have children and I admit I compare their lives to mine. Wow, they’re living it up, they’re moving and shaking, nothing is holding them back from pursuing their goals without abandon.

On the other hand, while most of my girls are looking for true love, I have already found it. My sons even love me on the days when it’s difficult for me to love myself. They don’t throw my inadeqaucies in my face. They don’t care. All they want is a little time to throw the football around and have their mama smother them with big hugs and kisses. Bringing a smile to the face of your child is the most delightful thing.

Yes, I wonder what my life would be like without them, but in the end I am so grateful that I’ll never find out.