I Want To Be In That Number

You ever look at the elite in this country? No…the seriously elite. Ofcourse not, you don’t really see them but they’re there and they are very few and very powerful.

Even when we look at the model of “successful” celebrities don’t we see the same people over and over again? Every magazine has the same people on the covers over and over again.

I wanted to walk among them, enjoying the responsibility and reach of those select few whose words and deeds mean more than the rest of ours. I wanted that so badly….so I’d never have to worry about food or housing or fighting for opportunities.

I don’t know how to get in there. I don’t know how to break free from whatever is holding me back IF anything is really holding me back. All I know is…no matter how much I try to fit into the systems that I am introduced to…I don’t fit.

I never fit.

It’s almost like a global club that won’t let me in and I know why….I won’t play their game. I don’t know how to really. I don’t know how to be anything other than who I am.

But you know…it would be so nice to one day…find my fit in this universe. The place where my personality, my drive, my inspiration, my creativity and my gift will allow me to prosper spiritually and financially.

I FEEL like I’m one of them. I just….can’t imagine ever fitting into a system.

I don’t know if I even need that anymore. Part of me just wants to say Hey…it is what it is. Let’s just enjoy what it is today and not even stress over tomorrow.

I don’t know…just rambling.

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