I wanna be loved…

Not for who you think I am

Or who you want me to be

Love me for me

Real love, with no strings attached

I wanna give you my heart

Don’t wanna take it back

This song reminds me of my first date. I don’t remember who wrote it, but it had a Jamaican beat to it. My first “official” date happened two days before I graduated from highschool. My parents were just like, “Oh, well! Do what you wanna do!” They had previously forbidden all dates for my whole life but I guess they were feeling like their reign was over since I was about to leave for Cincinnatti to spend the summer before going away to college.

My first date’s name was Love. No, I’m serious. His name was Love. I saw it on his driver’s liscense. He was this really FINE Haitian guy who had been after me for a while. I met him soon after I broke up with my highschool sweetheart Bernard. He kept trying to talk to me at school but I was still in love and I kept telling him that he couldn’t compare to Bernard. He was persistent, even annoying at times but I haven’t seen this type of assertiveness in a man since I met him.

That first date was the worst date I ever had. I bet he probably thought that I wasn’t going to say Yes, since I had turned him down so many times, so he wasn’t prepared financially. How about he took me to the movies and told me that he couldn’t buy me any snacks if I wanted to go out to dinner afterwards. Then, after the movie he took me to McDonald’s and then took the scenic route to his house.

I’m like, “What?”

I saw him once since I left for college. He told me that he was married with a kid, but that he still held on to the letter I wrote him. I sat there confused wondering, “What letter?” He pulled it out of his glove compartment. Whoa! At the time, it had already been 4 years since I wrote that. To be honest, I still don’t recall what it said, but it really showed me how much this guy had been thinking of me.

I guess I’m in this romantic mood cuz I was reading The Blog of The Week and she writes a lot about her relationship. Plus, I’ve been having all kind of dreams about food and love. Just food and love. Not really love, but I guess the prelude to it, where you meet a cute guy and he’s feeling you and you’re feeling him and there’s so much chemistry.

I haven’t had chemistry with anyone besides Joe, who I had to leave alone because being with him was starting to make me feel bad about myself. I have had enough of those kind of relationships in my life, where the man says one thing but his actions say the exact opposite. Joe means well, but..I’ll leave it alone. In another lifetime maybe. But I still love him like a play cousin.

I’m about to take out my braids and see how much progress my afro has undertaken. I’m trying to grow it long enough to put into a ponytail. But who knows if I’ll have the patience for that. I may just shave it all off like my picture. I loved that little low-cut. I couldn’t even brush it, it was so short. I havent cut my hair since April and it doesn’t seem to be growing like I want it to. It looks like this. But I want it to look like this. I guess I’ll just have to be patient.

Until the next time the wind blows. Maybe a lil love will come my way.