I had to report my co-worker today. I prayed about it first and I felt it was the best thing to do. I think I handled myself very well figuring my past issues with white people have been so negative and how rude she was to me.

See, it’s not just me WANTING to be untrusting of white people. There has only been ONE white person that I have ever had a positive relationship with. I dont think Im that hard to get along with. I know with white people Im not really open and friendly, but I’m never rude or offensive, I just stay to myself.

But the RUDEST white people seem to find me and want to TRY ME SO BAD. I think they want me to turn into the ugly, loud, rude person I used to be that would have cursed them out. I know God has changed me because even though she deserved a butt whooping for how she spoke to me, I had compassion for her and didnt even get upset.

Here’s a copy of the report I wrote on my co-worker.

On March 9, 2004 at approximately 2:30 pm, my co-worker Charlene told me that she needed to speak with me in our director Neale’s office. So, I went in and sat down and she asked me to close the door but I refused to.

Here is a rough sketch of our conversation.

She then asked me in a demanding tone, “Are you looking for another job?”

To which I replied, “That’s really none of your business and that has nothing to do with my performance here.”

Charlene: It has everything to do with your work here. Can you honestly tell me you’re putting forth initiative?

Me: I can honestly say I am doing my best.

Charlene: Well, I don’t feel like you’re part of the team here.

Me:: I am a part of the team, I work here.

Charlene: You’re not a part of MY team! I don’t feel comfortable working with you and no one else wants you here.

Me: That is fine Charlene, but I’m not going anywhere. And until Neale calls me in and tells me I have to go, I’m going to be here everyday.

Charlene: You know! I don’t believe this, I thought you would be receptive to what I am saying. I thought you were REAL! Be REAL.

Me: I am being real. I told you I am doing my best and that’s all I can do.

Charlene: You need to be looking for another job!

Me: I’m not leaving until it’s time.

Charlene: How dare you sit up here all day and check your personal email and make personal phone calls on VA money?! We are not paying you to handle your personal business. We are not paying you to read a personal book! It’s not Christ-like and I don’t respect a person who does that. I’m not like that. It’s not Charlene who’s talking to you here, I represent the VA! I don’t care if you have to stare at a blank computer screen all day, you DO NOT handle personal business on VA time!

Me: There is nothing that either you nor Neale has asked me to do that I have not done. Everything that I am asked to do I do and I do it well.

Charlene: Well, what about initiative?! You have a college degree, don’t you? I can’t believe that a person with a college degree can’t figure this stuff out! You’ve been here for six weeks and you still don’t understand what’s going on! You need to talk to Neale and tell him to help you find another job.

Me: I don’t need to talk to Neale about anything. He hasn’t complained yet.

Charlene: You know we (her and Neale) sit in here and we talk about you all the time. Don’t think it’s just me who feels this way!

Me: Well, you can talk about me all day if that makes you feel better, but until he says something to me it doesn’t matter. Do you tell him how you sit up and criticize his competency as a leader and backbite him? Do you tell him that?

Charlene: You can tell him anything you want to tell him.

Me: I know I can.

Charlene:I don’t know WHY I brought those toys in for your kids! I was thinking to myself, I don’t even like her why would I do something nice for her. But I said, she’s a human being and I have to love her because of that, but I don’t like you as a person. We are NOT FRIENDS! Why don’t you just walk out?

Me: Girl, I have two kids to take care of. I can’t just quit and give up like that. I’m not walking out. Look, I can tell that this is not the best situation. I know that there should probably be someone who is more passionate about what we do here, but the reality is, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.

Charlene: Why would I want to train you when you’re probably going to be leaving? I’d rather do everything myself.

Me: Well, you shouldn’t have to do two jobs and I may not be leaving for another 5 or 6 months. Are you going to do both of our jobs until then? You need help. I understand that this is a frustrating situation, so even thought you’re insulting me and being extremely rude, I can feel you. I understand where you’re coming from. And I’m sorry I don’t know this stuff, but if you would take the time and show me just once, you’ll never have to show me again. I can’t figure this out on my own. That’s not how I work. I’m not a student. I don’t study. Show me and you wont have to worry about this again.

This conversation made me feel sorry for her. I know she is frustrated. I know I’m not doing things like the woman before me did, but it seems as though neither Neale nor Charlene want to train me. They want me to figure things out on my own and I don’t learn like that. I need help with this job and it seems like no one wants to take the time to show me. I don’t like the fact that she pulled me into the office and blasted me like she was my supervisor, and even if she was my supervisor I feel that was very inappropriate language and tone.

Please understand that I complete ALL of my work before I ever picked up my book or checked my personal email. I only made a phone call to the daycare to check on the price for my sons. I am in no way, neglecting what I have to do, in fact I do it well.

It continues…

So today for some reason I went in and all the rest of the women were being very nice to me. I was kinda shocked to say the least. (Remember, they are all white.) I was personally invited to have lunch with them and the same woman who was so rude to me before, (not the co-worker I mentioned above) even pulled me aside and encouraged me on the job and assured me that I was not doing anything wrong and that if I EVER needed anything to come by and ask her and she would stop everything and help me.

She even invited me to go with her to some training session and my evil co-worker was sitting right there and she said, “Well, I have to go to that training too.” and the other lady said, “No, you dont really HAVE to.”

What a weird turn around. But you know me, I still have my eyebrow raised about the whole friendly thing. Why the sudden change in ppl’s attitude?

Maybe I’m just paranoid.