He Just…Died On Us

I walked into class yesterday, I missed the first day of class because I got sick really quickly and was bed-ridden for 2 days. I only ate soup once and drank 2 bottles of water. It was rough.

Then I got a call from a new guyfriend who offered to be nice to me and take care of me while I was sick. I called Tamara to see what she thought about it and she said, “sure go ahead.”

So I went over there and….

He was nothing but a gentleman. In fact, he treated me better than most men. He was so affectionate that I melted in his arms. My body was sore and he rubbed my back for me. All the while telling me how beautiful I am. I needed that.

But still…

I don’t trust his ass. I’m sure he’s plotting on me. The nicer I am to him, the more he’s gonna hate me and try to hurt me. I see it all the time. These hoes be straight murdering men’s spirits and then men fall in love with that. Happens all the time. But I don’t wanna be like that. I wanna make my man feel like a King and I wanna serve him. For real.

Anyway…I’m looking at him cross eyed because he’s already talking about how much he likes me and wants all of me. Yeah right. His plan will be unfoiled soon. I don’t even have to worry about it.

But it sure did feel so good to be held…

Yeah but I went to class and this girl walks in and says, “Michael Jackson died”

I said, “That’s not even funny.”

My professor made a call and confirmed it. He offered a 5 minute break before beginning the 3 and a half hour lecture. I made it through but by the time I left class I was feeling so sad and nauseaus and just…out of it. I made it to the gas station on West Dixie before I pulled over and started crying. Some random man came over to me and I wanted to punch him. I’m sure he wanted to pretend to be nice so he could hurt me too.

Men…they’re everywhere and they come out of the floors and ceilings like roaches, ready to pounce and devour. In my heart I want to be nice to them and help them with their goals and treat them like Kings and..usually I do. But…I always feel a ping in my heart like I’m being used and I throw them away shortly after before they can use me again.

But back to Michael…

He’s gone. But not really. No one alive will ever forget him. He made history for real. And…I just don’t believe that we really dissappear when we die. I think we change forms. I’m sure there will be another artist to come along and help continue the transition of music in a grand way.

Speaking of…why was I listening to the radio today and I heard some dude who sounded JUST Like Kanye…but it wasn’t him? I was upset.

That affection from that man sure felt good. I’d like some more but from someone I can trust to care about me. I hope I never see that guy again.