Two weeks ago I was sitting around and decided to turn on the TV to see what nonsense was on. With no laptop and no phone I was game for any kind of distraction from all of the goals and dreams dancing around in my head.
I saw a movie begin, it had Edward Norton in it. I like Edward Norton. He’s cute and he always plays interesting characters so I watched. It looked like some sort of Independent film. It was weird, he meets this weird girl at a cancer meeting and he doesn’t even have cancer. His apartment blows up which causes him to move in with this other weird guy who is very sexy.
I’m half watching it, half texting ppl and I pause when I hear the characters manager say, “The first rule of fight club- you don’t talk about fight club.”
Is this THAT movie? Ughhh…
But I keep watchin anyway. I’m amazed by it actually. I…I…The messages presented seemed like some kind of eastern philosophy that was foreign to me. This whole movement that they create seems like anarchy. I’m confused because…I love it and I’m afraid of it at the same time.
My guyfriend comes over and we’re watchin it together and he ruins it for me by telling me the plot twist. That also frustrates me because when I notice the philosophical offerings of the film, I can’t even turn to him to discuss because…well..he doesn’t know anything about any of that.
That makes me wonder why I even hang out with him….But…that’s another story.
I want to see the movie again very badly. I found it online but I can’t even watch it the whole way through, it sucks.
So I decided to look up the Fight Club Philosophy online and I found oodles of interesting reading, including this gem that has changed my way of thinking tremendously.
Seems that Fight Club is based on Taoism, a philosophy that asserts that everything in life has a natural duality of both good and bad. The ying and the yang symbols, I’ve seen them before but I’ve never actually THOUGHT about what they meant. They actually mean that there is darkness and light in everything and everyone. An equal amount of both. And even in the darkness, there is a spot of light.
So it took me a couple of days to think about all of this. I just couldn’t get it. So they’re saying that there’s good and bad in ME? How? I try not to do ANYTHING BAD. I try EXTRA HARD to make sure that no one can say that I harmed them in any way. How could there be bad in me?
But there has to be a bad side…maybe it’s the rebel in me, rebelling against what society expects a young Black woman with my intelligence and my abilities and my attractiveness should be.
Then I started tripping over the actual movie’s concept that there are two sides to our personalities, the side we HAVE to be in order to be a part of the wheel, the system, the broken clock of society and the side of us that is FREE.
I’m more FREE than most people I know but if you ask them, I’m less successful. But I just wanted to SCREAM as I watched the movie online, paying closer attention to how DUMB the main character sounded as he thumbed through catalogs ordering his furniture to put inside of his little box of an apartment.
So many quotes from this movie MOVED ME. Like…
The things we own, end up owning us.
Hell naw! Think about it! You are forced to get up out of your bed every morning at 6:30am and go sit in a room that you HATE surrounded by people that you HATE but you PRETEND that you like…just so you can drive the car you drive just so you can impress the people that you HATE. What sense does that make?
It’s the illusion of success that binds us. And I’m not talking about TRUE success, I’m talking about success as defined by a consumerism society that promises happiness as a result of acquiring more stuff- the same stuff that will be sold away at a yard sale when the same society tells you it is no longer trendy.
DAMN! I feel so awake! I feel like I’ve always had this knowledge inside of me but I was too afraid to SAY it aloud because no one would understand what the fuck I’m talking about. Plus….I know too many people who are living their lives trapped inside their cubicles and their boxes, trying to impress with letters behind their names and fake personalities.
What the fuck am I doing with myself? Exactly what I want to do.
I’m learning what I want to learn. I’m living how I want to live and I don’t give a damn what anyone says because no one’s opinion is more important than mine.
Fuck my Baby Daddy and his corporate ass. Wearing the noose around his neck in the form of a neck tie and thinking that shit is fly. How could I have EVER been attracted to some shit like that? You ain’t cute- you’re a SLAVE.
We all are…a slave to this society that makes us believe that the “American Dream” is to conquer, be recognized and live lavishly. Why do we need to live lavishly anyway? Riches won’t do a bit of good if we are not sharing the wealth. Man…I know I’m going to be wealthy but fuck if you’ll see me doing stupid shit with my money. My money is going right back out into the world.
Ughhh…I have so much more to say but there’s too much to say!
When am I going to meet people who feel the same way I do and want to focus more on enlightening the world than trying to get what they can get out of other people to advance their admiration. Geesh!
I also learned an important lesson. I can’t believe this shit…
All of this time I’ve been allowing people’s personalities to get in the way of me working with them because I felt if they weren’t good people, consistent in their actions and commitments, that I would not allow them to share my gift of unconditional support and encouragement.
How dumb! I never got things done like that. I walked away from person after person instead of just GETTING WHAT I NEEDED and THEN ROLLING ON!
It was a recent revelation after I met someone who I thought I could respect for their business acumen. After finding out that their character was not up to the standards that I set for myself, I was upset and considered ending the relationship but then it hit me– Hollup Tee.
Fuck what kind of person they are. You are in this for a reason. Ignore that shit that is making you angry cuz it has nothing to do with your goal. GET WHAT YOU CAME HERE FOR.
WHAT DID YOU COME HERE FOR?
GET THAT SHIT!
That other shit is irrelevant and if you work fast enough you won’t have to deal with them again anyway. Smile. Be respecteful. Don’t be fake and always DO WHAT YOU SAY YOU ARE GOING TO DO.
Fuck what they’re doing. GET YOU STRAIGHT. ANd then move on!
I wish more people would wake up with me…or at least those who are awake…I wish they’d find me somehow. I know there has to be a family for me out there. I want to learn more.